Venting Suicide threshold

[Dima2]

Hi everyone,

back in August I was so down i had enough fuel to suicide, unfortunately my SN was stuck in customs,

later on ,got the SN trying to set a new deadline, but here is the problem; i'm at a point not bad enough to ctb while feeling extremely miserable,
Just good enough to not kms ahh the irony,

at this point i feel something inside me that wants to live and in love with life , In the same time i think nothing is gonna get better ,also i like the idea of dying at 23, who wants to get old?, (here i am feeding my vanity),

it's an endless pattern of feeling miserable followed by a brief short happiness ,falling down again..

maybe i like the melancholy after all

anyway i will set a deadline this week and act on it no matter what , if I failed for whatever reason i will take it as a sign from god and recover somehow

thx for listening.

 

[mr.smileysad]

I have felt the same way too and I am waiting until either I'm too depressed to live or I feel like I have no future I wouldn't push myself to do something I might regret I would wait a little longer based on my experience I gradually wanted to live more

 

[Silver]

If you still want to live, you'll find ctb on a certain date difficult to do. Better to enjoy life while you like it, and see how it goes.

 

[depressedsally]

Hi everyone,

back in August I was so down i had enough fuel to suicide, unfortunately my SN was stuck in customs,

later on ,got the SN trying to set a new deadline, but here is the problem; i'm at a point not bad enough to ctb while feeling extremely miserable,
Just good enough to not kms ahh the irony,

at this point i feel something inside me that wants to live and in love with life , In the same time i think nothing is gonna get better ,also i like the idea of dying at 23, who wants to get old?, (here i am feeding my vanity),

it's an endless pattern of feeling miserable followed by a brief short happiness ,falling down again..

maybe i like the melancholy after all

anyway i will set a deadline this week and act on it no matter what , if I failed for whatever reason i will take it as a sign from god and recover somehow

thx for listening.

I know how u feel

 

[OminousVaL]

My situation has similarities; My first attempt was uninformed and very rushed but now I have the proper know how and tools just without the Pure Drive so I am waiting for the second round of that sweet goodness.

 

[Dima2]

At this point I don't even know what's preventing me from ctb,
SI ?nah i am not afraid at all,
Future to look to ? No
Family and friends? Can't stay alive merely for that,

Iam now in a state of just existing , not bad at all but vague and endless.

 

[Dima2]

Ok update here ,
Couldn't force myself , not out of fear just felt it's not right , guess i am hanging around till the right 'moment'

 

[Ghost2211]

I understand this. There's always just a little something in the back of the mind that keeps us going. It doesn't always have an explainable reason, but the way I view it is but it just means it's not the time. The option will always be there if it is needed, so there's no need to force the situation if one is not ready or it is not time.

 

[Cockatoo]

I feel your pain. My peak was at the end of the summer 2019. But I feared and didn't know anything about how to do it properly (I wanted to cut veins, lol, I would definitely never do that anyway because I hate feeling hurt). I thought about how my mom would miss me and how I would miss her too. It's strange, I don't even believe in god. And if I was wrong about my life, how sad my death would be.
So I decided to give myself a year. Unfortunately, here I am and nothing's changed.

I still want to live, but only because of some moments, now I understand it. I can't imagine my future life without my mom and privileges I have now as I am pretty young. I just feel nothing can interest me. I tried to do hobbies, but I gave up because I felt bored or I had no ideas. It's like I don't have a need to express myself. And this awareness is horrible for me. When I think about it, it's easier to make the decision.
Pardon my language, eng isn't my native
I want to do it after the New Year celebration. I'll have my 10 free days in the university, so there will be plenty of time to think and plan everything. By that moment all medications would be at hand