Help Suicide/recovery

[Life_and_Death]

I'll be honest I'll think about what people say but I'm not sure if I'll listen to it. This is just me mostly getting my thoughts out.

I know how to get better. I know how to die. And yet I'm getting no where. As I reach towards recovery im figuring out how to get the olanzapine back so I can die. If I have to choose one I'm just going to fall down because that's.... Just what I do it seems. I mentioned the rehab thing to my friend and he wants me to tell my husband but what's the point. I'll just be more secretive about my drug and alcohol use and that's certainly no help. I'm not getting anywhere.

 

[almost_dead]

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[Caspers]

I have SN and just about everything I need to CTB but I'm also trying a different approach to therapy and seeing whether that helps. I think it's normal to be passively suicidal and want to recover at the same time, as weird as it sounds.
Edit: I'm not certain that is the answer you were looking for, but I wasn't certain what your wanted response was. Apologies if I misinterpreted.