Discussion Suicide notes--pros and cons

[HadesOfPurple]

I'm sure there have been many threads about suicide notes here over the years, but perhaps not one that weighs the pros and cons of suicide notes, so I'd like to open a discussion on that. In your situation specifically, if you're considering leaving a suicide note, what would be the pros and what the cons of it? For my case:

Pros: - if I should choose to ctb via an overdose of something, I could make it clear it was not an OD; it was a deliberate action, and I am not ashamed of it. Suicide exists, sometimes things do not get better; sometimes you can hate yourself if you let yourself go on rotting, and it is an act of kindness to open a door for yourself into a room where you've no idea what awaits you. Perhaps more pain. Perhaps nothingness. Perhaps eternal bliss and rest. In the room you're in now, you know there's nothing but pain; it's on fire. So defending suicide as a philosophical and rational decision would be important to me.

-I could write all that had gone wrong to've brought me to this point on paper. Perhaps nobody would read it. Perhaps nobody would care. Probably and probably, but it would give me a strange sense of closure and leaving the negativity behind me.

-I am creative. I'd like to write a poem or something, as a last gesture of my arm surging from the swamp that's sunk me, so to speak. It's odd, writing a eulogy to yourself (I've written some before for musicians that had ctb that were admired by me), but if you won't, nobody will. Again, a sense of closure, leaving something behind

Cons: -I can't imagine a single person that would care to read my suicide note. The authorities will discard it as soon as they rule it a suicide. I've no family that gives a toss, no friends, so I'd be writing to nobody.

-I wouldn't want my suicide note to somehow find its way online. That cheapens things to me; I hate it when private suicide notes are posted online. They trivialise the pain contained within

-Even if someone did read it, it might be misinterpreted somehow. Or it might be seen as ''look, he was still feeling sorry for himself''. Its artistic value would be lost on the people around me. Nobody would want to keep it; it would be of value to nobody outside of myself, and--if I dare hope--my spider friends in my room

 

[lostangel]

Very good points. I would like to add a con.

If someone found it beforehand then that can mess up your plan. It will be clear evidence that you tried to ctb and so that could increase the risk of getting locked up.

 

[TAW122]

Although this is a really small pro, it could stir change and more open discussion about right-to-die, self-determination of choosing one's own destiny.

Very good points. I would like to add a con.

If someone found it beforehand then that can mess up your plan. It will be clear evidence that you tried to ctb and so that could increase the risk of getting locked up.

Yes, this is something I have considered too, thus I am very secretive about my notes; better destroyed or deleted than to be found and (potentially) used against me. Especially the consequences, which include being watched/monitored like a hawk circling it's prey, or worse being locked up and losing access to CTB means (methods) and other long term consequences (blemish on background check/record, loss of rights).

 

[GravityUtilizer]

I just really don't know how I'd put it all into words, let alone be happy with it. I kind of think if anyone cares to know you well enough they would pretty much understand without a note. Maybe it would help them but I can't help feeling it would be kind of forced and easy to slip into cliche, at least to me. I'd be more inclined if anything to just say it was my intention/where I could be found (if it could end up being a missing person's case).

 

[HadesOfPurple]

I agree with you both. I always liked how John Kennedy Toole was a complete failure in his own eyes and an unknown in the eyes of the world before his suicide; after it, his mum fought long and hard to have his work published, and he's now a household name in American literature. The fact he committed suicide can be looked at as both something to make the rest of us (especially artistic types) feel less alone in our failure to get somewhere in life/change something/get better at something or defeat an illness, and at the same time it is a cautionary tale of silent suffering that goes unnoticed. It's sad, though, that when a celebrity commits suicide, everyone talks about how said it is on social media, then it all quiets down again and suicide is yet again taboo. Besides, if a celeb commits suicide, it's ''a tragedy''. If a ''pleb'' commits it, they were ''cowards''. Funny world.

Yes, you're right about someone finding it and using it as proof that you're a danger to yourself-- Perhaps it would be a good idea if you've a family or friends, to pay for a few months in advance for a locker where you store your note, and you only leave a key by your side with instruction for someone you trust to open the locker only postmortem (surely the police would respect that?) That way, if you fail, and you're not in a coma or something, you can still retrieve it, or have someone retrieve it for you. That's somewhat Dedalean, but I like the idea of leaving keys and instructions with someone you trust. I don't have anyone like that in my non-life, but it would be nice; I'd do that.Entrust a friend with instructions, asking them to open only if ''something happens'' (I'd have to be a really close friend that wouldn't grass me up to authorities). Or I can write a suicide note as a poem and if I survive, I can say it was just art, and that it was written in character. I don't know the laws where you live, but here, the mental wards are quite full, (actually there are only a few of the big psychiatric facilities in the whole country, so not much space), so I do believe if you faked it, and said ''I didn't know what I was doing; I will not do it again'', you'd be set free. Or maybe I'm naive. That's why I want to research only ways that are sure to cause death, not coma or your being a vegetable. Reminds me of that Metallica song, if anyone knows it. Great song about a bloke who's seriously injured (actually he's torso and head only) and wishes for death, but he can't say anything as he's conscious, but half dead or something. I always think of this song when I think about people trying to take your choice away; it's like you have no voice, and nobody listens or shows any empathy.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I can't think of a single con to writing a suicide note, unless of course you're either not very clear with your message, or openly malicious due to emotion taking over, and add torment to a grieving person.

I don't really see having it being found as a con. I'm 37 and although live in supported living, have my own things as private. Suicide's massive con is being interrupted if that's the case.

The clear pro is that you can offer clarity and comfort to the reader, no matter how small the degree, whether that be officer or loved one.

 

[coconut lover]

I'm sure there have been many threads about suicide notes here over the years, but perhaps not one that weighs the pros and cons of suicide notes, so I'd like to open a discussion on that. In your situation specifically, if you're considering leaving a suicide note, what would be the pros and what the cons of it? For my case:

Pros: - if I should choose to ctb via an overdose of something, I could make it clear it was not an OD; it was a deliberate action, and I am not ashamed of it. Suicide exists, sometimes things do not get better; sometimes you can hate yourself if you let yourself go on rotting, and it is an act of kindness to open a door for yourself into a room where you've no idea what awaits you. Perhaps more pain. Perhaps nothingness. Perhaps eternal bliss and rest. In the room you're in now, you know there's nothing but pain; it's on fire. So defending suicide as a philosophical and rational decision would be important to me.

-I could write all that had gone wrong to've brought me to this point on paper. Perhaps nobody would read it. Perhaps nobody would care. Probably and probably, but it would give me a strange sense of closure and leaving the negativity behind me.

-I am creative. I'd like to write a poem or something, as a last gesture of my arm surging from the swamp that's sunk me, so to speak. It's odd, writing a eulogy to yourself (I've written some before for musicians that had ctb that were admired by me), but if you won't, nobody will. Again, a sense of closure, leaving something behind

Cons: -I can't imagine a single person that would care to read my suicide note. The authorities will discard it as soon as they rule it a suicide. I've no family that gives a toss, no friends, so I'd be writing to nobody.

-I wouldn't want my suicide note to somehow find its way online. That cheapens things to me; I hate it when private suicide notes are posted online. They trivialise the pain contained within

-Even if someone did read it, it might be misinterpreted somehow. Or it might be seen as ''look, he was still feeling sorry for himself''. Its artistic value would be lost on the people around me. Nobody would want to keep it; it would be of value to nobody outside of myself, and--if I dare hope--my spider friends in my room

With Gmail you can schedule an email to be sent hrs, days, weeks later

 

[ReallySillyOtter]

I plan on leaving a note, divided into many pieces. Each piece will contain a few words, and a clue leading to where the next piece is hidden. It'll be a fun adventure for my family, friends, and the authorities!

Seriously though, a note can bring closure to those close to you. It may not seem like it, but there's likely those that care about you and would find your CTBing a complete shock ("he seemed so happy lately, I though he was on the upswing!" "She seemed to finally be getting it together!").

The PPH mentions a note also protects those you live with. If you die by a method used in homicides (SN poisoning, ODing) a note makes it clear this was a suicide, not murder. It keeps the cops from grilling roommates during a horrible time and over-zealous prosecutors from prosecuting.

With Gmail you can schedule an email to be sent hrs, days, weeks later

The resource compilation also mentions:

Program an email to be sent in the future:
https://www.futureme.org/

 

[HadesOfPurple]

Forgot about email. Yes, much less convoluted, that. Not as personal, but much safer in case you fail ctb. Thanks for the link! That's very interesting! Makes me wish future self could say ''don't do it, things really did get better!'', but judging from past future selves, they'll hardly be so cheerful, ha.

I plan on leaving a note, divided into many pieces. Each piece will contain a few words, and a clue leading to where the next piece is hidden. It'll be a fun adventure for my family, friends, and the authorities!

Seriously though, a note can bring closure to those close to you. It may not seem like it, but there's likely those that care about you and would find your CTBing a complete shock ("he seemed so happy lately, I though he was on the upswing!" "She seemed to finally be getting it together!").

The PPH mentions a note also protects those you live with. If you die by a method used in homicides (SN poisoning, ODing) a note makes it clear this was a suicide, not murder. It keeps the cops from grilling roommates during a horrible time and over-zealous prosecutors from prosecuting.



The resource compilation also mentions:

That's true, if you live with people. I didn't even think about that. And lol about the clue game! It's a dark, twisted idea. I like it!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I've done a lot of processing on this forum about whether or not to leave my parents a note. We've been estranged for several years, they are my next of kin.

They have proven throughout my life that when I speak, whether verbally or in writing, they have their own filters and do not hear what I say.

I can write to them that my decision had nothing to do with them, which is true. But then they will try to figure out how it was somehow their faults, and be way off the mark even if that were a motivation. If I do not tell them it wasn't their faults, they may question for a bit, but they will ultimately absolve themselves as they always do.

If I advise them about logistics, they will override what I want, as they almost always do. It is better that they don't identify or claim my body, don't take responsibility for my estate, don't publish an obituary, etc. But they are more likely to come to these rational conclusions on their own than if I try to make things easier for them. If they do otherwise, well, I will be dead, and I give no more fucks about wanting cremation or anything else that happens to my body after I die since I'll be done with it. I can't control that they are next of kin; if it were up to me, they wouldn't know at all that I had died.

There is so much I would pour out to them in a letter, I've written so many, but they just won't hear me. I posted a letter to them on the forum in case they come looking for answers, and the only chance that they'll hear me is if they go looking, but even then, they likely won't. They don't accept or respect my boundaries or my autonomy. They think they know what happens inside of me and why I do anything that I do, and they always judge it wrong. I may have a few fucks left to give, but it is an almost total waste of effort. 49 years have sufficiently proven that it is.