Discussion Suicide notes. Honest or softened to protect people?

[Mm80]

Hello guys. Materials ordered and ready to start writing. Some people in my life have enriched it and i want to say thank you. But the sad truth is that many close to me have let me down and contributed to where i am now. I dont blame anybody and take full responsibility for my actions. But shoukd the letters be honest or sugar coated to protect others feelings?
Any opinions appreciated
Thanks x

 

[Broken Chimera]

Your letters should be what you want them to be about. Me personally I would be honest, that letter would be my last words to the people close to me so I would want them to know everything, even if it adds to the pain they would have.

 

[Mm80]

Your letters should be what you want them to be about. Me personally I would be honest, that letter would be my last words to the people close to me so I would want them to know everything, even if it adds to the pain they would have.

Thank you thats the way im leaning towards. Certaiinly wont be abusive, but honest.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

It would depend on the person. I don't expect perfection from the people I love and would want to thank, so softened for them, if my overall feeling is wanting to leave them with a fond memory of our relationship. For the others, in all honesty, I would be honest as a final fuck you if you have that opportunity. They didn't spare your feelings in life so why would you spare their feelings in death. Truth hurts. You won't be around to feel the effect but they will, so say exactly what you want to get off your chest IMO so that it will sink in good and deep.

 

[purplemoon]

I think it depends on each person, how did they treat you in your life?

Were they cruel, mostly kind, or just neutral?

If it were me, I would even consider writing a few letters, maybe one for the people that were decent to me, maybe another with a bunch of names at the top for those who are cruel, in my humble opinion.

 

[Mm80]

It would depend on the person. I don't expect perfection from the people I love and would want to thank, so softened for them, if my overall feeling is wanting to leave them with a fond memory of our relationship. For the others, in all honesty, I would be honest as a final fuck you if you have that opportunity. They didn't spare your feelings in life so why would you spare their feelings in death. Truth hurts. You won't be around to feel the effect but they will, so say exactly what you want to get off your chest IMO so that it will sink in good and deep.

Thanks thats whrere im at. Last few days while contemplating letters i have gone from hopelessness to anger and wanting to vent a bit wiyhout blame.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

You can write two sets of letters: 1) a set of letters where you are venting to these people and 2) a set of letters where you are just letting them know goodbye, and whatever other positive feelings you want to leave them with.

Why separate it? Because you don't have to send the first set of letters. If you care about the impression you're leaving you can only send the second set. But i can totally understand if that's not a priority for you.

 

[Mm80]

You can write two sets of letters: 1) a set of letters where you are venting to these people and 2) a set of letters where you are just letting them know goodbye, and whatever other positive feelings you want to leave them with.

Why separate it? Because you don't have to send the first set of letters. If you care about the impression you're leaving you can only send the second set. But i can totally understand if that's not a priority for you.

thank you. I suppose i want to be consistenr in character and not say so ething to someone that i wouldnt say while alive as to me that woukd be cowardly. Buying the drugs, doing the routine and planning was easy compared to this. Its the most real part of things for me x

 

[TAW122]

It's up to you to decide. Personally for me, it would be honest, but with a bit of soft padding (kinder, gentler language and wording) to ease the pain. I don't plan on sending letters to people that hurt me because there is no purpose in that. My only purposes for letters and notes would be for explaining (maybe understanding, but I can't always count on that) and also possibly giving them closure, easing the pain.

 

[BlueWidow]

Mine is more on the soft side. At this point, at least for me, it wouldn't do me any good to tell the people who abandoned me in my darkest hours, how they made me feel.
And most of the people who hurt me in my life are already dead.
I tell people that there's nothing they could've done to stop me and that my death is not their fault. Then I outline all the reasons why me dying is the best possible solution. And I also point out that I don't consider my death to be a tragedy. I consider it to be a release from the prison that my mind and body have become. To me, death represents freedom.

 

[Mm80]

Mine is more on the soft side. At this point, at least for me, it wouldn't do me any good to tell the people who abandoned me in my darkest hours, how they made me feel.
And most of the people who hurt me in my life are already dead.
I tell people that there's nothing they could've done to stop me and that my death is not their fault. Then I outline all the reasons why me dying is the best possible solution. And I also point out that I don't consider my death to be a tragedy. I consider it to be a release from the prison that my mind and body have become. To me, death represents freedom.

Wow that was quite touching. Sad and poignant xx

 

[purplemoon]

Whenever i ctb, i think of writing kind & loving notes to the few in my family/true friends to soften it gently for them...

& total hardcore lashings for the cruel people that all contributed to my PTSD...

Perhaps just let it all out, for those who deserve it, accordingly...

 

[Quinlor]

Hello guys. Materials ordered and ready to start writing. Some people in my life have enriched it and i want to say thank you. But the sad truth is that many close to me have let me down and contributed to where i am now. I dont blame anybody and take full responsibility for my actions. But shoukd the letters be honest or sugar coated to protect others feelings?
Any opinions appreciated
Thanks x

It's a good question, I think unfortunately the most important in a suicide note is try to protect the people that you left behind... Because their life must go my advise is explain that was only your choice, nobody is guilty only you and etc. even that everything you wrote was lie.
The statistics says the one suicide have a potential to prejudice at least 10 lives around you.

 

[BPD Barbie]

As they say, honesty is the best policy. But it depends on your family and friend situation, if they're over sensitive and it might push them over the edge then maybe soften it a little. But for me, I don't want to leave any unanswered questions and I certainly don't want people to make assumptions as to why I did it, so I'll be as honest as possible.

 

[othermilk]

I personally softened mine, because what am I going to get out of being hurtful to people that are already going through the effects of my ctb? It's not like I will get to see their reactions. Mine is still honest, though. You can still have an honest note that is protecting people. They don't have to be mutually exclusive, unless you want them to be.

 

[Carina]

I personally believe that letters should be what's reflective of you as they are literally the last things you will say to them. They may keep them with them forever.
Do whatever feels right for you.

For me though. I'd be honest, but not hurt them. My death would do that enough as it is even if briefly.
I'd tell them why, tie up loose ends, not make them think they're responsible (even if a white lie so to speak) and make sure they know that no matter what, they couldn't have stopped me, they wouldn't have known, and more than anything, they didn't directly bring me or handle anything that was directly responsible for it. I wouldn't want anyone to think that they handed me something that helped me do it, because they'd never forgive themselves for that, or for not pushing me on it.

And a separate part so they know what to do, so hopefully they tell people and carry out things like I want.

 

[Mm80]

Thanks everone. I think othermilk and carina and bdp barbie have summed it up. You can explain yourself and how things have hurt you without being nasty i suppose.i also respect anyone who does express thei rage as its likely justified..sorry to go off topic but i have some biterness and dissapointment towards the health service in the uk here. Im 39 now and have been treated for severe depression for 21 years. Ive encountered various psychiatrists counsellors and docs, and even been a hospital impatient. I am now in the final stages of testing for aspergers syndrome, and it looks like i may well be diagnosed. I had to repeatedly ask for testing as friends with experience etc said they thought i was on the autism spectrum.My grief is that for 21 years i have been palmed out of doctors clinics with ssris, and not ONE person who works in this field spotted the signs or even suggested it a possibility. So now im 39, never built a career even tbough i was quite bright, never married or bought a home. I believe if detected early enough. People on the spectrum can achieve these things with specific support.
How i will send that letter of resentment i will never know. But it would be nice if a coroner could point out the failing of care before criticising SS.
Thanks

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

These are your last words, which gives them gravity. You could write to the coroner and previous service providers.

 

[hatelife]

If I end up doing it, I wrote it just in case, kept it short, like really short this time, 3 sentences

 

[Mm80]

These are your last words, which gives them gravity. You could write to the coroner and previous service providers.

Thank you. Wasnt sure how it would work.
I was really annoyed earlier to see a coroners report mentioning SS and then the parents and newspaper criticising the site. What the coroner also mentioned is that the community mental health team allowed 12 days after not being able to contact the girl,who was at risk, before acting. The coroner was also wrong in calling SS A Pro suicide site when its actually pro choice and saves lives also. It said that users taught the deceased how to lie to the medical people. Really? So patronising to the girl. Its not rocket science. Tbey ask if you are suicidal and you say no.simple really. Very unfair to target this website when the peoblems in society run much deeper.

If I end up doing it, I wrote it just in case, kept it short, like really short this time, 3 sentences

Sorry hatelife wrote what? A note ? X

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Mm80 , you said it. It works. Can mail it and/or leave it with your body. Can also send it to the reporter and his/her editor.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Depends on your situation with them. Some family members or whoever it may be don't need to know certain details. Honesty is always great but reread it many times if you have to.

 

[Zoltiel]

I'm going to honest, but without emotion and blame. I don't have to be angry about anything anymore, since life has given me a way out with CTB.

 

[k75]

It really depends. This is going to be the last thing you ever say to them, and it's basically going to be their last memory of you. These will be the words that they keep with them forever. If you place any blame on them I might eat at them for the rest of their lives. So I guess you have to figure out how much you want them to potentially suffer. Be brutally honest if you want them to know exactly what they did. Sugarcoat it if you want them to be blameless. Or any mix of it... It's really something only you can figure out.

I'll be omitting things because there's no point in causing unnecessary pain. No one intentionally hurt me, even of they did. I don't feel like lashing out, but I do want people to know how much I love them and care about them and how sorry I am. I will never tell my best friend how much he hurt me when he did certain things that brought me here, because I love him and I want him to be able to maybe move on without that guilt. I don't ever want him to think that he killed his best friend because that's not the whole truth and it's a horrible thing to leave someone with. I'm okay with not getting the last word in with everyone.

 

[OddOne]

Hello guys. Materials ordered and ready to start writing. Some people in my life have enriched it and i want to say thank you. But the sad truth is that many close to me have let me down and contributed to where i am now. I dont blame anybody and take full responsibility for my actions. But shoukd the letters be honest or sugar coated to protect others feelings?
Any opinions appreciated
Thanks x

Sugarcoat for what? I am not saying your perception is correct or aligned with reality, but does that matter? If it's your truth speak it. If you are far off-key from reality, the notes will help people understand you were out of it. If you hit on true things, awesome.

I wouldn't worry about anyone's feelings. At the point the notes are read, YOU ARE DEAD.

I would be more concerned about people actually receiving your notes.

 

[Mm80]

Sugarcoat for what? I am not saying your perception is correct or aligned with reality, but does that matter? If it's your truth speak it. If you are far off-key from reality, the notes will help people understand you were out of it. If you hit on true things, awesome.

I wouldn't worry about anyone's feelings. At the point the notes are read, YOU ARE DEAD.

I would be more concerned about people actually receiving your notes.

Fair point. I think im best looking at each friendship/connection on an individual basis with what i know of them. Plus its up to each individual to have their own conscience or moral compass.just didnt foresee this being the hardest part of the process and hope others can relate.
Thanks

It really depends. This is going to be the last thing you ever say to them, and it's basically going to be their last memory of you. These will be the words that they keep with them forever. If you place any blame on them I might eat at them for the rest of their lives. So I guess you have to figure out how much you want them to potentially suffer. Be brutally honest if you want them to know exactly what they did. Sugarcoat it if you want them to be blameless. Or any mix of it... It's really something only you can figure out.

I'll be omitting things because there's no point in causing unnecessary pain. No one intentionally hurt me, even of they did. I don't feel like lashing out, but I do want people to know how much I love them and care about them and how sorry I am. I will never tell my best friend how much he hurt me when he did certain things that brought me here, because I love him and I want him to be able to maybe move on without that guilt. I don't ever want him to think that he killed his best friend because that's not the whole truth and it's a horrible thing to leave someone with. I'm okay with not getting the last word in with everyone.

Thats good and you seem very considerate. Not sure why you should say sorry though.unless you did something wrong it seems that you have suffered the most

 

[k75]

Thats good and you seem very considerate. Not sure why you should say sorry though.unless you did something wrong it seems that you have suffered the most

I'm sorry for hurting the people that care about me. I'm sorry for causing anyone pain and for not being strong enough to survive. I'm sorry for everything I'm going to do to them. They've been here for me, but I can't be there for them. I guess most of all, I'm sorry for everything they wasted on me only to have it end up like this.

 

[Mm80]

I'm sorry for hurting the people that care about me. I'm sorry for causing anyone pain and for not being strong enough to survive. I'm sorry for everything I'm going to do to them. They've been here for me, but I can't be there for them. I guess most of all, I'm sorry for everything they wasted on me only to have it end up like this.

I see. So you have had quite a bit of support but it hasnt helped ? Im sure you have enriched their lives too and it seems you will be reassuring them and saying thank you for everything. Seems a shame though and there is no rush with these things so maybe you could feel stronger in the future ? Obviously i dont know your circumstances so cannot fully empathise

 

[k75]

I see. So you have had quite a bit of support but it hasnt helped ? Im sure you have enriched their lives too and it seems you will be reassuring them and saying thank you for everything. Seems a shame though and there is no rush with these things so maybe you could feel stronger in the future ? Obviously i dont know your circumstances so cannot fully empathise

Yes I've had nothing but support, honestly. I feel so, so guilty for being suicidal because I have family and friends and all the support I could want, but it doesn't change anything. The thing I mentioned in my post up there is not my only reason. Several years ago I was mutilated in a series of botched surgeries, and the pieces I lost of myself I just can't recover from. I have permanent grief and PTSD. None of it's going away in a million years, and I have not been able to find a way to adjust to whatever new reality I have now.

 

[faust]

If we consider honesty, do we imply that it will be a pure directness with feelings that are now present?
If yes, then take into an account that it is the last message you leave to that person.
If you want it to be a farewell, try to be objective. Like in every relationships there are rises and falls. You can consider both aspects.
But if you don't want to include anything good what happened to you, try to recall at least.
There are no good or bad letters as well as it is often hard to forgive.
Just listen to your heart and it will tell you everything.
Wish you all the best!