Discussion Suicide note to a child

[Lara Francis]

OMG!
Writing notes to friends or even my parents seems to be easier but to my son is so so hard to write.
What do you say,sorry ! How pathetic does that sound ?
I put
"This is one of the hardest things i have ever needed to do.
There are so many things to say but if you only take one thing from this note ,please may it be that i do and will always love you.I did not die because you were not enough but because i could not bare being apart from you "
No words will ever be enough and from the depths of my soul , I am sorry .
Goodbye to my beautiful baby boy xxx
I am crying - This last chance i said i would give life is still not working.!
I feel so sad and in despair right now and thoughts are very real and scary. Xx

 

[gingerplum]

How old is he?

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Omg i am in the same way it the hardest thing to do children are so precious...you just need to tell him how much u love him how amazing he is how u loved been his mom and none this his fault i think u should explain and say everything u need to in the right way....he will miss u like my kids will me and it hurts and btw that sounds good not pathetic it will not be easy but u will no when that letter is ready write what you truly feel he will probably keep it forever

 

[Lara Francis]

How old is he?

10

 

[gingerplum]

Oh, Lara... is there any other way? I don't know your situation and I will never judge you no matter what, but is there absolutely any other viable option??

Edit: I re-read your post and I didn't realize at first you're apart from your son. Honestly I was separated from my kids once for a month-- they were 10 and 12 at the time-- and every day was unbearable. Just excruciatingly sad to be away from them. I can relate to your pain, and I understand not wanting to live through it.

I guess I would emphasize not only that I loved him, but that I knew how much he loved me. That I felt his love and I cherished it. That I was the luckiest mom ever. That he was the best part of my life, and how grateful I was to have him.

As I read this, I'm trying to imagine how a 10 yr old will process this. He'll be completely overwhelmed with different emotions that he won't even know how to articulate. It's going to change the course of his life, and how he'll view things as an adult; I don't know that there's any "right" thing to say.

My heart hurts for you right now, but my heart also breaks to think that when your pain ends, his will begin. It's an agonizing situation.

 

[spanishguy22]

OMG!
Writing notes to friends or even my parents seems to be easier but to my son is so so hard to write.
What do you say,sorry ! How pathetic does that sound ?
I put
"This is one of the hardest things i have ever needed to do.
There are so many things to say but if you only take one thing from this note ,please may it be that i do and will always love you.I did not die because you were not enough but because i could not bare being apart from you "
No words will ever be enough and from the depths of my soul , I am sorry .
Goodbye to my beautiful baby boy xxx
I am crying - This last chance i said i would give life is still not working.!
I feel so sad and in despair right now and thoughts are very real and scary. Xx

Maybe explain that you have a very hard mental illness (assuming here). Perhaps he wouldn't understand now but he would when he gets older. Maybe it would help him understand better that way. It's best not to be vague when it comes to reasons for such an act.

 

[Dead beat dad]

OMG!
Writing notes to friends or even my parents seems to be easier but to my son is so so hard to write.
What do you say,sorry ! How pathetic does that sound ?
I put
"This is one of the hardest things i have ever needed to do.
There are so many things to say but if you only take one thing from this note ,please may it be that i do and will always love you.I did not die because you were not enough but because i could not bare being apart from you "
No words will ever be enough and from the depths of my soul , I am sorry .
Goodbye to my beautiful baby boy xxx
I am crying - This last chance i said i would give life is still not working.!
I feel so sad and in despair right now and thoughts are very real and scary. Xx

Hi sister, I am so so sorry to hear about the dark place you're in right now.
No words you can articulate will heal or fill the hole in your boys life where his mom would be.
He and many others will not understand and will judge you in your absence not being in full possession of the facts.
He needs to understand how much pain you're in and how much you love him.
You probably knew that already.
I'm so sorry for your pain and I sincerely hope you can find some light and peace.
DBD

 

[Marz]

Make sure he knows you love him before you go.

 

[Soul]

Lara Francis, what I would've wanted to hear from my mother before she killed herself was that she loved me, and that it wasn't my fault she couldn't live longer. And that she tried to make sure I would have a good loving home to grow up in - that she wasn't abandoning me willy nilly.
If you can make a series of messages (maybe recordings), for your child to read/listen to as he gets older that could be beautiful. Maybe you can let him know your reasons. And some of the most precious memories you have of him.

I hope you find peace and balance.

 

[martha]

this is a bit off topic, but your heartbreaking post brought something back in my mind.

I´ve practically read everything about and from Sylvia Plath, her biography and her overwhelming poetry.
She struggled so much, though she was extremely talented and bursting with creativety.

When she suicided, her young children were sleeping in the room next door and in her last preparations for death, her children were all she cared about.
She even prepared a breakfast for them, left a note at the pram and made sure, they would not be endangered in any way.
Both of them later grew up with their father.

Her daughter became a councellor and writer and when she was interviewed about her feelings towards her mother´s suicide, she answered
"Nobody would wish that on a child, but I think that she must have been desperately unhappy to want to leave us........"
Despite her grief, she said she never felt angry at those who died. "Never that, because that would seem unfair," she said.

As a mother of two children, I deeply share your thoughts of guilt and grief and I just wanted to let you know, that you are not alone.

 

[headinghome]

OMG!
Writing notes to friends or even my parents seems to be easier but to my son is so so hard to write.
What do you say,sorry ! How pathetic does that sound ?
I put
"This is one of the hardest things i have ever needed to do.
There are so many things to say but if you only take one thing from this note ,please may it be that i do and will always love you.I did not die because you were not enough but because i could not bare being apart from you "
No words will ever be enough and from the depths of my soul , I am sorry .
Goodbye to my beautiful baby boy xxx
I am crying - This last chance i said i would give life is still not working.!
I feel so sad and in despair right now and thoughts are very real and scary. Xx

You have a child.....please don't do this to him... it's not all about you anymore… I'm not telling you what to do with your life I'm just telling you that if I had a child it would've fulfilled many dreams… I'm sorry if this offends anyone…

 

[overandout]

You have a child.....please don't do this to him... it's not all about you anymore… I'm not telling you what to do with your life I'm just telling you that if I had a child it would've fulfilled many dreams… I'm sorry if this offends anyone…

It's obviously a very sensitive subject, Lara may have a child but she is in a very difficult circumstance and her child is not currently living with her. You do really need to understand her whole story before drawing conclusions.

I truly feel very sorry for you Lara and take your time with your words, you will know when you are satisfied with your letter. There has been some great advice regarding what would comfort your son if he was indeed to lose you. Write from your heart. All you can do is fight your hardest to stay but if you truly feel you don't have the strength to withstand your current situation then you can't. We all hope for a different outcome but sometimes life deals us cards that we can no longer manage. May you find peace and healing. My heart goes out to you.

 

[GeorgeJL]

@Lara Francis Have you tried ketamine? It's a psychedelic that treats depression when medications have failed. It works very well.

 

[Jenna]

this is a bit off topic, but your heartbreaking post brought something back in my mind.

I´ve practically read everything about and from Sylvia Plath, her biography and her overwhelming poetry.
She struggled so much, though she was extremely talented and bursting with creativety.

When she suicided, her young children were sleeping in the room next door and in her last preparations for death, her children were all she cared about.
She even prepared a breakfast for them, left a note at the pram and made sure, they would not be endangered in any way.
Both of them later grew up with their father.

Her daughter became a councellor and writer and when she was interviewed about her feelings towards her mother´s suicide, she answered
"Nobody would wish that on a child, but I think that she must have been desperately unhappy to want to leave us........"
Despite her grief, she said she never felt angry at those who died. "Never that, because that would seem unfair," she said.

As a mother of two children, I deeply share your thoughts of guilt and grief and I just wanted to let you know, that you are not alone.

I would have to say this is one of the best comments I have ever seen. I myself and grateful to read this. I have followed all of Lara's posts from the beginning. She also has tried several medications. I know she is fighting for her life and loves her son beyond measure.

 

[TAW122]

I think this is a good note Lara and I'm sorry that you feeling this way. I would also recommend doing anything to make your child's life as comfortable as possible before passing, such as making sure that whoever takes custody of him raises him well and takes good care of him since you won't be around after you CTB.

 

[Lara Francis]

Thanku to you all for your kind words.x

 

[JJ-NOHOPE]

Hi Lara,

I'm so sorry you are suffering so bad.

My father attempted suicide several times when I was an adolescent. He never succeeded and lived to be 70.

He never sent any notes to any of us kids, and we all felt horribly guilty about his attempts. My mother didn't help by telling us it was our fault.

I think your note is beautiful. There are also some other very good suggestions here.

I agree with perhaps emphasizing that you have a mental illness and have tried treatment. I say this because if you had cancer and died, no one would blame you. And you do not deserve blame.

I cannot say how sorry I am about your situation. I do not judge you, I know how hard life can be.

But I think that love is eternal. So your love for him will never die.

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi Lara,

I'm so sorry you are suffering so bad.

My father attempted suicide several times when I was an adolescent. He never succeeded and lived to be 70.

He never sent any notes to any of us kids, and we all felt horribly guilty about his attempts. My mother didn't help by telling us it was our fault.

I think your note is beautiful. There are also some other very good suggestions here.

I agree with perhaps emphasizing that you have a mental illness and have tried treatment. I say this because if you had cancer and died, no one would blame you. And you do not deserve blame.

I cannot say how sorry I am about your situation. I do not judge you, I know how hard life can be.

But I think that love is eternal. So your love for him will never die.

Thankyou for your thoughts and kind words.I am so sorry your mother blamed you for your fathers attempts.This was very unfair and must have been painful.
Hugs x

 

[letmeseethedeath]

OMG!
Writing notes to friends or even my parents seems to be easier but to my son is so so hard to write.
What do you say,sorry ! How pathetic does that sound ?
I put
"This is one of the hardest things i have ever needed to do.
There are so many things to say but if you only take one thing from this note ,please may it be that i do and will always love you.I did not die because you were not enough but because i could not bare being apart from you "
No words will ever be enough and from the depths of my soul , I am sorry .
Goodbye to my beautiful baby boy xxx
I am crying - This last chance i said i would give life is still not working.!
I feel so sad and in despair right now and thoughts are very real and scary. Xx

lara i'm 23 yo and all i can say is that you are a good mom, don't feel so guilty. life is unfair and i know how you are fighting and struggling against her being. i'm sending you a big hug

 

[Lara Francis]

lara i'm 23 yo and all i can say is that you are a good mom, don't feel so guilty. life is unfair and i know how you are fighting and struggling against her being. i'm sending you a big hug

Thanku , i am really really trying to fight and i am so sad its not working .big hugs in return x

 

[Avicii]

Thanku , i am really really trying to fight and i am so sad its not working .big hugs in return x

Still here that's a good thing for him

 

[Gooseygoes]

How about leaving a video, instead? There's only so much words on the page can convey but through video you get pauses, inflections, expressions -- it almost captures the essence of who you are and I imagine it would mean a great deal to the person viewing it. Maybe give it some thought...

UPDATED: I also imagine you'd be rather emotional while recording, which could be an odd comfort to your son as he grows up -- having actually witnessed just how agonizing of a choice this was for you.

 

[Lara Francis]

How about leaving a video, instead? There's only so much words on the page can convey but through video you get pauses, inflections, expressions -- it almost captures the essence of who you are and I imagine it would mean a great deal to the person viewing it. Maybe give it some thought...

UPDATED: I also imagine you'd be rather emotional while recording, which could be an odd comfort to your son as he grows up -- having actually witnessed just how agonizing of a choice this was for you.

Thankyou.i had not thought of this x