Suicide is the only control we have.

[Circles]

Welp yet another pointless post of myself complaining and blabbering. There's so many things about life and even death that we cannot control. Philosophy like stoicism will tell you we can atleast control how we react to the things we cannot control, but I call bull fucking shit on that. For one most especially if you're fucking mental like myself then you can't even control emotions or all the warped up indescribable feelings your brain nitpicks at us at every fucking angle. We didn't choose to be born, to be humans, to have this certain family, or country or region or let alone this fucking planet or universe, etc. etc. We didn't get to choose anything. And even of the options we have besides suicide are so limited it makes me want to choose suicide over any of those bullshit options cause none of it will stop the pain and suffering of existing a pointless fucked up life.... Now my mind is going blank and yet there's so much that needs to be said. Hell I typed all this shit simply because I need something anything to pass the time and fill the void but nothing ever fucking helps or fill the void. And that's just it yet another thing we cannot control which is to distract ourselves constantly day in and day out just so we don't have to face the harsh reality of how fucking painful our pointless lives are. Fucking YAAAAY. I WANT ALL THESE UNCONTROLLABLE THINGS TO FUCKING STOP and suicide is the only fucking way. FUCK

 

[Gnip]

A-fucking men! Preach! Preach! Hallelujah!

We have a choice, and the power to make that choice. Nobody anywhere can take that choice and absolute power away from us. We can choose not to suffer, be bullied or be victims. We can CTB.

 

[justanotherstar]

It's never pointless if it matters. Vent away

 

[Toptock]

We are slaves to our masters, in one form or another. And the slave has one power the master doesn't have, we can choose to muster the strength to free ourselves in the most final way.

The sorrow comes from the knowledge nothing will change, but we will be free, we won't care.

 

[issyishere]

I feel this like hell. Especially when you have OCD and your literal obsession is losing control of your mind,body, or something out of your control. Literally the only thing that keeps my calm is the fact if it ever becomes too much I can just off myself. The only thing I have control over.

 

[WornOutLife]

It's weird because I know there are some other way outs for my life but still, I choose suicide.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I share your frustration, and as Schopenhauer wisely put it: we may do as we will, but we can't will what we will. The absence of free will in this universe is painful. Even suicide is fundamentally not our choice. We may decide to ctb, but we did not choose to want to ctb, the feelings essentially happened to us. The only silver lining here is that there are no truly evil people in the world - when someone does something 'evil', they did so only by compulsion of their neurobiology, and that can in principle be corrected for.

 

[Niirvana]

I love have that control

 

[mini_weeny]

We don't have control over suicide either because an attempt can fail so, also no control there.

 

[PrettyMoose]

I had been thinking this recently. I don't have very much power in this life, but there are two things that I do have power over, which are - Whether or not I have kids, and when and how I die. I am an only child and I have always been pressured to reproduce. I've chosen not to. I've also chosen not to live into old age. So I will take my own life when I feel the time is right. Though, it has occurred to me that it may be that no time will ever feel truly right, that there won't ever be a moment when the planets align and the stars rearrange to spell out "the time is now". So I'll just have to arbitrarily decide, that on a mundane day I will do a few mundane things that are part of my routine and drink something and smoke a cigarette and then just go and do it. Anyway, I'll stop babbling here.

 

[ARW3N]

None of us asked to be born but we can sure as hell choose to die.

 

[Gnip]

I had been thinking this recently. I don't have very much power in this life, but there are two things that I do have power over, which are - Whether or not I have kids, and when and how I die. I am an only child and I have always been pressured to reproduce. I've chosen not to. I've also chosen not to live into old age. So I will take my own life when I feel the time is right. Though, it has occurred to me that it may be that no time will ever feel truly right, that there won't ever be a moment when the planets align and the stars rearrange to spell out "the time is now". So I'll just have to arbitrarily decide, that on a mundane day I will do a few mundane things that are part of my routine and drink something and smoke a cigarette and then just go and do it. Anyway, I'll stop babbling here.

For whatever it's worth, I remember when all nine planets actually did align on March 10, 1982. The so-called "harmonic convergence" so heavily hyped by the 1974 bestseller "The Jupiter Effect" was an absolute non event, just like it has been every 179 years throughout recorded history. Physicist John Gribben proved for all time how utterly useless physicists can be, and co author Stephen Plagemann exposed astronomers as less reputable than astrologists.

With an extremely vivid memory of that date, I can promise you with absolute assurance that if the planets aligned and stars rearranged, you'd choose another time to CTB and marvel at how ridiculous the notion of somehow feeling the time is right with those celestial developments truly is.


Deciding never to reproduce at age nine was the first great decision in my life, sparing any possible child of mine from my suffering. Beyond that. I continue to exist because I alone permit it. Thanks to my membership here, I have been able to clinch the guarantee that the very first attempt I make to end my life and agony will be successful.

Upon my mother's passing, I will CTB (but there's a real chance I may have gallbladder cancer, in which case I may predecease her).

We don't have control over suicide either because an attempt can fail so, also no control there.

This site will continue to educate and inform against the risk of failure, radically increasing control and the assurance of success among our members.

 

[NodusTollens]

What you said reminds me of something I stumbled upon while reading about suicide & philosophy, Schopenhauer:

"That a man who no longer wishes to live for himself must go on living merely as a machine for others to use is an extravagant demand."

"They tell us that suicide is the greatest act of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person.

Leading life following someone else's moral compass will do little more that cause more pain, if this is your decision, I hope you can find peace in it.

You mentioned philosophy, so I thought I'd share.