Venting suicide is scary, im scared, but im also always miserable. i dont know how to cope.

[fantasticalreality]

I dont think there will be anything after. i think i daydream of suicide just to keep myself grounded, to make me feel like im the one choosing to live. but i dont think i really am, i just came into existence and i do what im supposed to (for the most part) but in every facet of life i drag my feet, do the bare minimum, because even that feels so exhausting and painful. but being alive is all i know, i dont know how to take a step into the permanent nothingness, i dont think i will. not unless things become dire, or so painful i cant just let myself be swayed and ebbed by the tides of life. im a pathetic coward, i cant commit to fully living or dying. the thing is, i dont even think i want to die. i just want to be happy, but that is not a permanent state of mind. i will always be lonely, i will always be miserable, and as time goes on i might regret not having done it sooner. thank god for weed and video games, them and sleeping for 10 hours straight are what keep me afloat i think.

 

[moonmuse]

we think so same

 

[ummwhaaat]

we think so same

Dm me

 

[MyShadow]

I dont think there will be anything after. i think i daydream of suicide just to keep myself grounded, to make me feel like im the one choosing to live. but i dont think i really am, i just came into existence and i do what im supposed to (for the most part) but in every facet of life i drag my feet, do the bare minimum, because even that feels so exhausting and painful. but being alive is all i know, i dont know how to take a step into the permanent nothingness, i dont think i will. not unless things become dire, or so painful i cant just let myself be swayed and ebbed by the tides of life. im a pathetic coward, i cant commit to fully living or dying. the thing is, i dont even think i want to die. i just want to be happy, but that is not a permanent state of mind. i will always be lonely, i will always be miserable, and as time goes on i might regret not having done it sooner. thank god for weed and video games, them and sleeping for 10 hours straight are what keep me afloat i think.

I feel all of this.

You're not a coward. It feels like you're just overwhelmed. The hardest part is understanding that there are no absolutes. Shit happens, both good and bad. Circumstances change. People come and go out of your life. Things change, including your mindset.

Reach out if you need to talk.