thaelyana
One day, I am gonna grow wings
- Jun 28, 2025
- 205
Hey: It's been a long time since I last came to this section of the site. I'll keep it short, because if I developed my whole vision of life, it would go on for pages (for the curious, here's the thread, it's kind of an essay).
I'm empty, truly empty. Yet I would never say I'm sad, it's not that (And I wouldn't take it from my life because I love it as it is) To me, my life even if from the outside it might look like it shines, isn't worth much. It doesn't bore me, but I find no meaning in it. And even without being sad, I want to die. Not just die: I want to KILL MYSELF, because it feels like the only way to end one's life in an enlightened way. You'll understand better if you read my thread.
Suicide has become a fantasy for me. I hang myself partially for the pleasure of touching the death of the fingers, I imagine myself jumping on the rails, jumping off a bridge.. I think about suicide several times a day, it's daily.. even if I'm fine. Especially when I'm fine. You know I love being empty, I don't try to fill this void, I like my situation. I love it.
It's so contradictory with what everyone thinks: normally, one commits suicide when suffering from something. My emptiness doesn't make me suffer the way people imagine; I WANT to kill myself. And honestly, I think it's a valid reason, because in the end we lose nothing by doing it, and I don't see why deciding one's own end should be condemned, with or without justification, whether we have a bright future or not. I'm doing fine in my life. I'm just empty, and I want to die.
I'm empty, truly empty. Yet I would never say I'm sad, it's not that (And I wouldn't take it from my life because I love it as it is) To me, my life even if from the outside it might look like it shines, isn't worth much. It doesn't bore me, but I find no meaning in it. And even without being sad, I want to die. Not just die: I want to KILL MYSELF, because it feels like the only way to end one's life in an enlightened way. You'll understand better if you read my thread.
Suicide has become a fantasy for me. I hang myself partially for the pleasure of touching the death of the fingers, I imagine myself jumping on the rails, jumping off a bridge.. I think about suicide several times a day, it's daily.. even if I'm fine. Especially when I'm fine. You know I love being empty, I don't try to fill this void, I like my situation. I love it.
It's so contradictory with what everyone thinks: normally, one commits suicide when suffering from something. My emptiness doesn't make me suffer the way people imagine; I WANT to kill myself. And honestly, I think it's a valid reason, because in the end we lose nothing by doing it, and I don't see why deciding one's own end should be condemned, with or without justification, whether we have a bright future or not. I'm doing fine in my life. I'm just empty, and I want to die.
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