I fucking love your profile picture. Rust Cohle is a legend.
I don't think wanting to commit suicide because of philosophy is "crazy", honestly I am confused about how many people can kill themselves without any deeper philosophical reasoning. I know why I want to die. This whole world is so insanely evil, in the most primal sense, without a necessary focus on individuals. If you truly look at life, every sentient being suffers, just to die all the same. Sure, there are happy moments, I had them too, plenty of them, but the happiness that we experience is just a fulfilling of a deprivation, of a craving, for some short period of time. For example, I hate how my body desires food every day. I don't want to eat, just to shit out toxic waste, to do it all over again. I don't want to drink just to piss. I don't want to work just to have a imaginary currency made out of dead wood. I don't want to have sex just to fulfill the insane desire to bring more life into this hellish place. I don't want to listen to music just so I can't hear these thoughts. I don't want to become old just to develop illness. I don't want to look at "cute animals", knowing full well how they tear each other apart and feast upon their babies if they are undisturbed in nature, creating a million unknown massacres every day.