Venting Suicide fail

[LostMyWill]

I attempted suicide yesterday by ingesting 100g of bitter almonds after grinding them (lethal dose is around 10-40g) but unfortunately, and due to my incompetence, I added a lot of sugar to reduce the bitterness, not realizing that sugar is a counteragent to cyanide.....

Later after recovering, my parents told me that this was "god giving me another chance" to redeem myself and convert back to religion.
I'm so sick of this shit, religion is one of the many reasons I have lost every bit of hope I had for living, but they still keep shoving it down my throat and even forcing pseudoscientific bullshit on me to "cure" my depression after relying on psychiatric help for over 3 years to no avail.

Next time I'll make sure to drink the whole thing without any "sweetener", and if I can't get my hands on bitter almonds anymore, I'll just jump off a building or hang myself.

 

[trouble]

I'm sorry about what happened, that must've sucked. I know what it's like to have this religion stuff shoved down your throat, and people saying stuff like "it's a sign from god, you should keep going because god has a plan for you, etc", it sucks especially if you don't believe in a god.

And hey, to fail an suicide attempt is nerve-wracking, your family sucks for trying to cure your depression in that way, so please remember to take care of yourself once in a while too!! Get some tea, turn on some Hell's Kitchen or something else that gives you a good laugh for now, if you'd like to :)
Sending hugs your way & hoping that you'll find the peace you're looking for.

 

[mpnf]

Where did you buy them? Where you from?
❤
Sorry you didn't get the chance to achieve what you wanted.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I second the watching something on tv for laughs just to get through this time. I'm sorry it didn't work for you this time.

 

[akrasia]

First of I would like to say, welcome to the forum!
I'm sorry that you failed your attempt. I'm also sorry that your parents are shoving religion in your face that you're not interested in. My family is like that as well and it's so annoying and irritating.
In the meanwhile do you think you could heal or recover a bit? You deserve a break after what happen to you. Maybe find a movie or show to watch.

I'm sorry for this dumb question but, you used almond nuts for your attempt? Or does "almonds" stand for something else that I don't know. I never heard of that method before.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Since bitter almonds is not a method normally discussed on the forum, I'm curious as to what symptoms you experienced and what your recovery was like, if you'd care to share.

Sorry to hear about your parents. They sound like the types to negate and try to "pray away the gay" when their kids are homosexual.

 

[LostMyWill]

I'm sorry for this dumb question but, you used almond nuts for your attempt? Or does "almonds" stand for something else that I don't know. I never heard of that method before.

Bitter almonds contain amygdalin, which the body converts to cyanide during ingestion, leading to cyanide poisoning.

Since bitter almonds is not a method normally discussed on the forum, I'm curious as to what symptoms you experienced and what your recovery was like, if you'd care to share.

When I ingested it, my body started trembling non-stop and my senses were numbing by the minute (not sure if this is your survival instinct kicking in or just cyanide poisoning symptoms), then I layed on my bed to "rest". After a few minutes, my breathing felt irrelevant as if I were holding my breath the whole time (this is due to cyanide inhibiting tissue oxygen consumption. This is called Histotoxic Hypoxia). From that point on, I kept feeling dizzy, nauseous, weak with low blood pressure (it dropped to 80/40 mm/Hg) and slow heart rate, my skin also turned blue-ish and colder.
At this point I thought for sure that I'd die, so I just waited until I lost consciousness. Too bad, I woke up just 2 hours later to find myself with an urge to throw up (and I did) which butchered the whole attempt (aside from me cluelessly adding sugar to the mixture, not knowing that it would decrease the poison's effectiveness).
So, I just had to walk around like a zombie for the next 14 hours until I could finally fall asleep and have my body self-repair.

Honestly, cyanide poisoning wasn't as painful as some people claim it to be. Sure, the whole "suffocating while breathing" part might seem terrifying but I quite enjoyed the experience (because this was the only time I've ever gotten extremely close to dying).
I'd totally try this again if I ever get the chance.