Suicide delay

[walkingdead2023]

I'm reading chats about users who want to CTB but they are here from years ago, if you are that user, can you tell us what's preventing you from CTB?

 

[BlackBlood6]

I've been a lurker here for over a year I think so i'd like to chime in. I was just asking myself this.

So I guess for me it's this simple..

If I had a gun would I blow my head off right now? 100%. If I had SN would I take it? 100%.
But i'm left with partial hanging. And it scares me because of chance of failure. I don't want to end up anymore messed up than am already cause I know how cold the world is.

 

[Sleeper System]

I'm reading chats about users who want to CTB but they are here from years ago, if you are that user, can you tell us what's preventing you from CTB?

The reason doesn't matter. You can live with depression and want to ctb every day but never go through with it for many different reasons. I suspect there are some people who just want to be heard and vent without taking their lives and that's ok too. This site is just a tool. Use it in whatver way you can that helps your personal situation. (within the rules ofcourse)

 

[walkingdead2023]

I've been a lurker here for over a year I think so i'd like to chime in. I was just asking myself this.

So I guess for me it's this simple..

If I had a gun would I blow my head off right now? 100%. If I had SN would I take it? 100%.
But i'm left with partial hanging. And it scares me because of chance of failure. I don't want to end up anymore messed up than am already cause I know how cold the world is.

I didn't mean to say or judge why you didn't ctb, my friend! I don't want you to risk anything plus maybe you are given a chance to live maybe there is good out there for you. I've seen people here from 5 years ago that's a long time and I'm trying to learn why? Is it lack of resources or they adapted to the pain

The reason doesn't matter. You can live with depression and want to ctb every day but never go through with it for many different reasons. I suspect there are some people who just want to be heard and vent without taking their lives and that's ok too. This site is just a tool. Use it in whatver way you can that helps your personal situation. (within the rules ofcourse)

I agree! I'm depressed and I want to die but because I live in the US I can't find what i need to use… so of course we all here to listen to each other we're family! Thank you for responding

 

[PrettyPotato]

There's a huge mental leap necessary from wanting to ctb or feeling suicidal, to actively going ahead with it.
It's the difference between visualising something in your mind vs standing up and making the necessary physical actions.

If you've really come to terms with ctb and are at peace with it all, your SI will stop coming up with justifications / reasons why it can't happen (lack of resources, spurious external reasons, etc).

 

[walkingdead2023]

There's a huge mental leap necessary from wanting to ctb or feeling suicidal, to actively going ahead with it.
It's the difference between visualising something in your mind vs standing up and making the necessary physical actions.

If you've really come to terms with ctb and are at peace with it all, your SI will stop coming up with justifications / reasons why it can't happen (lack of resources, spurious external reasons, etc).

It's true but I still can't find the resources I need. The resources they have here are complicated and almost impossible to find in the US without getting caught..

 

[PrettyPotato]

It's true but I still can't find the resources I need. The resources they have here are complicated and almost impossible to find in the US without getting caught..

Can you travel outside of the US perhaps?

 

[walkingdead2023]

I

Can you travel outside of the US perhaps

I can travel but I don't think I can bring anything back with me due to security specially right now

 

[PrettyPotato]

I

I can travel but I don't think I can bring anything back with me due to security specially right now

Is there a reason you'd need to bring it back with you?
If you're ctb-ing then you can do it just as easily in the country you travel to as the US.
I speak from experience - everything is easy once you free yourself from the confines of your home country.

 

[walkingdead2023]

Is there a reason you'd need to bring it back with you?
If you're ctb-ing then you can do it just as easily in the country you travel to as the US.
I speak from experience - everything is easy once you free yourself from the confines of your home country.

I don't want to do that to my family! Searching for me is going to destroy them and it's not fair. At least here they will know I'm dead

 

[PrettyPotato]

Ah ok, fair enough!
I don't have any family to worry about, so my situ is a bit different.

 

[FuneralCry]

It isn't like people can just choose to instantly cease existing in peace in a guaranteed way, we exist in this society where suicide is cruelly made so inaccessible after all. What I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and just leading to way worse suffering.

 

[walkingdead2023]

It isn't like people can just choose to instantly cease existing in peace in a guaranteed way, we exist in this society where suicide is cruelly made so inaccessible after all. What I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and just leading to way worse suffering.

I know I'm starting to think about that too! I'm searching SN and N but all the results are scammers.. I have to find an away too and I'm finding help here at all but at least I'm able to talk about it! Thank you for responding