Suicide by nembutal.

[Charlotte The Carrot]

I have not actually attempted a suicide since before July. Trying to avoid impulse, irrationality and kept trying to get help and change my life until recently.

I'm ready to say I've had enough. I'm ready to go.

Trying to plan around my parents and thier erratic timetable alongside syncing up with having motivation is all but impossible so I'm just going to allow an impulse to push me.

The guilt is a factor as to why I tried for so long. I do admit I may have not been ready or that I may have been seeking help with my attempts of yester year however the same excuses I set up for my delays seem to no longer work.

To be honest, I want to be told it's okay. That it's okay to go, dispite the guilt. I'm scared. I know that's natural and that everyone faces that fear by that from suicide or normal death, there is no getting around it but I want to face this head on. I want to wake up one day soon, be thst tomorrow, next week or next month I don't care and feel comfortable with my decision and go to sleep aware of the agony I'm going to cause but able to carry on dispite it, not be rid of that guilt. I know I can't rid myself of the guilt now.

I lived dispite the constant abuse, horrible memories replaying and repeating for those who didn't help, those who very well cause this. I did it to avoid ruining weddings, birthdays and Christmas and for what? I tried running so hard. I tried so hard, why can't I give myself the peace I need?

Also, can I have some tips and tricks for handling the bad taste? I'm going to use a straw as I drink quickly with one.

 

[locusdelicti]

I can't tell you if it's okay or not. I doubt anyone is qualified to tell you. In my opinion only you know when, and if, it's okay. It's natural to have reservation. After all, it's a biological imperative to keep ourselves alive. You will likely feel "okay" when your motivation overwhelms the guilt and self-preserving impulses you have. Only you will know when that is. With that said, I think most people on these forums would respect your decision as your decision, once you make it, one way or the other.

As far as the taste of N is concerned, I've heard priming your mouth with honey helps, and make sure you take an anti-emetic to keep it down. Some swigs of alcohol after also reportedly help.

Good luck. It sounds like you're really struggling. I wish you well.

 

[Charlotte The Carrot]

I can't tell you if it's okay or not. I doubt anyone is qualified to tell you. In my opinion only you know when, and if, it's okay. It's natural to have reservation. After all, it's a biological imperative to keep ourselves alive. You will likely feel "okay" when your motivation overwhelms the guilt and self-preserving impulses you have. Only you will know when that is. With that said, I think most people on these forums would respect your decision as your decision, once you make it, one way or the other.

As far as the taste of N is concerned, I've heard priming your mouth with honey helps, and make sure you take an anti-emetic to keep it down. Some swigs of alcohol after also reportedly help.

Good luck. It sounds like you're really struggling. I wish you well.

Thank you for the kind words. I hope that soon I'll be able to gather the drive and motivation to face this stuff head on

 

[WhyWasIBorn]

To be honest, I want to be told it's okay. That it's okay to go, dispite the guilt. I'm scared.

It's your life. You didn't ask to be brought into this shitty place, so it's no ones business to tell you or think it's not "okay"

 

[Charlotte The Carrot]

It's your life. You didn't ask to be brought into this shitty place, so it's no ones business to tell you or think it's not "okay"

I guess I just feel guilty for hurting people when I leave

 

[SirChuxAlot]

I guess I just feel guilty for hurting people when I leave

It is natural to feel guilty as there will be people who will emotionally be hurt in the process. I feel the same way, however, reality shows that with time, people accept the reality and learn to move on, as with all loss in life. Course, there are people who may never move on but only you know yourself how your loved ones deal with grief.

The otherside of the coin also can say that it is selfish to force someone here if they feel death is the best choice. Similar as said above not everyone's situation is the same so only you know what is best for you and what it will resolve.

While I am not a pro lifer, I will tell you what another forum member decided to tell me that has me doing and that is to exhaust all options you have before deciding to CTB. It will be tough but I think your guilty feeling will fade as you can look back and say, "I am terribly sorry but I did try."

 

[Charlotte The Carrot]

It is natural to feel guilty as there will be people who will emotionally be hurt in the process. I feel the same way, however, reality shows that with time, people accept the reality and learn to move on, as with all loss in life. Course, there are people who may never move on but only you know yourself how your loved ones deal with grief.

The otherside of the coin also can say that it is selfish to force someone here if they feel death is the best choice. Similar as said above not everyone's situation is the same so only you know what is best for you and what it will resolve.

While I am not a pro lifer, I will tell you what another forum member decided to tell me that has me doing and that is to exhaust all options you have before deciding to CTB. It will be tough but I think your guilty feeling will fade as you can look back and say, "I am terribly sorry but I did try."

You're so right. My guilt has faded a lot recently compared to the utter weight it used to be. I feel like I have tried so hard. I just want someone to hug me and say it'll be okay.

 

[SirChuxAlot]

It is not the same as a real one but here you go! *hugs* I can assure you everything will be okay and I mean that seriously. I don't know what your situation is but I am sure both of us will figure things out and find what will make us happy!

I am here if you ever need someone to chat with and I am sure others will also lend their efforts and advice for what it is you are dealing with.

 

[Charlotte The Carrot]

It is not the same as a real one but here you go! *hugs* I can assure you everything will be okay and I mean that seriously. I don't know what your situation is but I am sure both of us will figure things out and find what will make us happy!

I am here if you ever need someone to chat with and I am sure others will also lend their efforts and advice for what it is you are dealing with.

Thank you :'3 you're a good cookie. I hope you find a slice of happiness

 

[EjNJddYC]

Also, can I have some tips and tricks for handling the bad taste? I'm going to use a straw as I drink quickly with one.

Botot mouthwash was recommended on the PPH forums as a method for masking the taste:

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Natural-Concentrated-Ginger-Mouthwash/dp/B0006O0VRM

I don't have access to the forums anymore, but I imagine you would mix it with water to your desired strength and use it as you would with a regular mouthwash before taking the N. You might do that again after taking the N if you're still struggling with the taste.

I think I remember seeing posts on the PPH forums advising against using a straw. N can hit very quickly and it was suggested that using a straw could result in loss of consciousness before one had consumed the lethal dose. It should be noted that many of the PPH forum members are elderly and infirm people so it's more of a risk for them.

I have read at least a few accounts saying that the taste is as bad as it's made out to be, so you might be one of those who doesn't mind it too much.

 

[Charlotte The Carrot]

Botot mouthwash was recommended on the PPH forums as a method for masking the taste:

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Natural-Concentrated-Ginger-Mouthwash/dp/B0006O0VRM

I don't have access to the forums anymore, but I imagine you would mix it with water to your desired strength and use it as you would with a regular mouthwash before taking the N. You might do that again after taking the N if you're still struggling with the taste.

I think I remember seeing posts on the PPH forums advising against using a straw. N can hit very quickly and it was suggested that using a straw could result in loss of consciousness before one had consumed the lethal dose. It should be noted that many of the PPH forum members are elderly and infirm people so it's more of a risk for them.

I have read at least a few accounts saying that the taste is as bad as it's made out to be, so you might be one of those who doesn't mind it too much.

Thank you for your response! <3

I imma look into this, thank you. I drink rather quickly with a straw, I'm not very good at gulping things down.

I want to ask, I can handle vodka and it doesn't taste bad to me, I understand Nembutal is worse than such but is it okay to presume I'll be able to handle N if I can easily handle vodka?

 

[Mistress Death]

I've heard that using honey to coat the inside of the mouth is also a strategy to combat the taste.

Botot mouthwash was recommended on the PPH forums as a method for masking the taste:

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Natural-Concentrated-Ginger-Mouthwash/dp/B0006O0VRM

I don't have access to the forums anymore, but I imagine you would mix it with water to your desired strength and use it as you would with a regular mouthwash before taking the N. You might do that again after taking the N if you're still struggling with the taste.

I think I remember seeing posts on the PPH forums advising against using a straw. N can hit very quickly and it was suggested that using a straw could result in loss of consciousness before one had consumed the lethal dose. It should be noted that many of the PPH forum members are elderly and infirm people so it's more of a risk for them.

I have read at least a few accounts saying that the taste is as bad as it's made out to be, so you might be one of those who doesn't mind it too much.

I didn't see anywhere in the ppeh that gave any recommendations to combat the taste of N. Where did you see it?

 

[EjNJddYC]

I want to ask, I can handle vodka and it doesn't taste bad to me, I understand Nembutal is worse than such but is it okay to presume I'll be able to handle N if I can easily handle vodka?

First, as a disclaimer, I have not tasted N. That said, N is reported as being very bitter, so it's very different from vodka so that probably doesn't offer any indication of your ability to handle N. A better analog would be very strong espresso coffee, unsweetened grapefruit juice, or tonic water.

I didn't see anywhere in the ppeh that gave any recommendations to combat the taste of N. Where did you see it?

I'm referring specifically to the PPH forums, not the handbook: https://www.peacefulpillhandbook.com/forums/
They contain a wealth of information and some of the members have advanced knowledge of pharmacology, but joining them requires you to be a subscriber to the PPeH, over 50, and of sound mind. They verify your age through a photo of you holding a piece of photo ID with your birth date on it.

 

[Mistress Death]

First, as a disclaimer, I have not tasted N. That said, N is reported as being very bitter, so it's very different from vodka so that probably doesn't offer any indication of your ability to handle N. A better analog would be very strong espresso coffee, unsweetened grapefruit juice, or tonic water.



I'm referring specifically to the PPH forums, not the handbook: https://www.peacefulpillhandbook.com/forums/
They contain a wealth of information and some of the members have advanced knowledge of pharmacology, but joining them requires you to be a subscriber to the PPeH, over 50, and of sound mind. They verify your age through a photo of you holding a piece of photo ID with your birth date on it.

Ok. Is there anyone here that has joined those forums?

 

[EjNJddYC]

Ok. Is there anyone here that has joined those forums?

Sorry, I don't know.

I would private message you, but I've only just joined so I don't have the permission to do so yet.

 

[ddutch]

I've heard that using honey to coat the inside of the mouth is also a strategy to combat the taste.

I didn't see anywhere in the ppeh that gave any recommendations to combat the taste of N. Where did you see it?

I had that idea
But later i found it also in the manual of the euthanasia organization here in my country

See the file.

 

[Winona]

Botot mouthwash was recommended on the PPH forums as a method for masking the taste:

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Natural-Concentrated-Ginger-Mouthwash/dp/B0006O0VRM

I don't have access to the forums anymore, but I imagine you would mix it with water to your desired strength and use it as you would with a regular mouthwash before taking the N. You might do that again after taking the N if you're still struggling with the taste.

Do you remeber, those guys on Exit forums recommended this specific Ginger taste of the mouthwash, or any of the Botot tastes would be ok?
Are there any convincing arguments for this brand in opposition to other mouthwash manufacturers?

 

[Hotsackage]

Where can you get nebutol? It's a hard decision. I know the agony I'll leave behind, but everyone has a limit for the bs they go through.
Where can you get nebutol? It's a hard decision. I know the agony I'll leave behind, but everyone has a limit for the bs they go through.

 

[dandan]

I read a straw is hardly NOT recommended because people have fallen asleep before finishing the 200ml (2 bottles)

oh my I send a hug and my condolescences , I see that I am not alone in my suffering, we are not alone