Help Suicidality and Work

[lpfx]

Hi all!

A little bit of background:
I am an engineer. I work on maintaining and deploying infrastructure and currently provide service for thousands of people. I'm currently spearheading many very important future of infrastructure projects. My goal is to CTB sometime within the foreseeable future. My only issue is I don't know how to do so without making life much more difficult for members of my team that heavily rely on me.

My question is: how would I navigate this process without causing undue stress to the team that I hold very dear to my heart?
Furthermore, if I were to seek help, how could I do so without impacting my work? Taking time off is easy for me, but I feel as though it would make work much harder for those around me, which is the last thing I want to do.

Right now, I'm currently struggling with even getting through the day, if not getting up to go to work in general. I feel as if sometime soon I'm going to break and not be able to continue at my current pace, but I'm so worried about appearances to my team and the progress of the projects I'm working on that I'm unable to take the time I need in order for that not to happen.

If anyone has any advice that would be greatly appreciated.

Best regards.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Maybe instead of taking full days off to seek help, you can see about taking half days so that you're still consistently there for your team but also you can use those extra hours to seek help, resources and explore your interests and do self care.

Self care is another part of improving your mental health. It can be something as small as a nice bath to getting a haircut to going to do something you really enjoy.

 

[lpfx]

Maybe instead of taking full days off to seek help, you can see about taking half days so that you're still consistently there for your team but also you can use those extra hours to seek help, resources and explore your interests and do self care.

Self care is another part of improving your mental health. It can be something as small as a nice bath to getting a haircut to going to do something you really enjoy.

This is something I could look into, but my position certainly makes it a little complicated.

I don't really have set hours or a schedule, it's more of a project-based role where I could either be busy for 3 hours or 12 depending on the day.
Honestly, I was not prepared for how complicated of a situation this would be.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Just thinking about you, did you ever figure this out?

 

[Abdullah]

I feel the same. I don't want my CTB to be a shock to my family and work colleagues. Try and hold strong for your team. You have heart to continue even though it hurts. Just try and soldier on. CTB is not always the solution.

 

[lpfx]

Just thinking about you, did you ever figure this out?

Kinda.

I spoke with HR about what steps would need to be taken in order to make sure all my bases were covered and ensure that I would still be able to help my team if needed. What ended up happening was me going to a doctor and doing paperwork for FMLA leave as required by my treatment plan. So, on days where I have appointments or feel too down to get any real work done, my leave is protected for up to 12 weeks of off time.

Not the most elegant solution due to all the formalities required and having to involve other people, but I believe that it will work out.

Thanks for the kind message.