Venting Suicidal Thoughts Never Go Away

[RedPanda]

Ok, so I managed to actually go on a little holiday for 2 weeks. In those 2 weeks I had no thoughts at all about suicide. It's obviously because my brain was pre-occupied and became reliant on the dopamine fix it was receiving from experiencing a mini vacation.

As soon as I returned back home it only took 2 days before the suicidal thoughts came rushing back in. I'm back on this website...again. Happiness is indeed temporary.

This is just proof for me personally that these thoughts never escape me, they just remain dormant when the brain is preoccupied BUT I'm essentially imprisoned by suicidal thoughts. There is no escape even when you think you're doing fine, you're imprisoned until you die. That is the only escape.

 

[Symbiote]

The key is keeping your brain pre-occupied so it doesn't go dormant until your thoughts flood in. Once someone has had trauma, I think they have it for the rest of their life, just having to work on filling the gaps and holes with activity so we don't jump off into the deep end where we can't get out. I had a few days to take a break from here, trying to find a way out of my situation, right now jobs aren't hiring much because it's so close to the holidays and not really gaming much because my wife sees it as wasting time.

 

[Silvermorning]

They never do, just stay dormant between bouts. This old familiar pain, is gonna kill us of a broken heart in the end anyway, if we don't die first.

I'm enjoying the last rise, with my best friend nostalgia, passing by familiar places, saying good bye to my chilldhood dreams, a funeral pyre to self.

Until the next life.

 

[Yiyo123]

I also believe that suicidal thoughts never go away. My doctors told me that I have to keep my mind ocupied. But it's hard with all the meds. I'm so tired of feeling like this (worried about everything, paranoid, psychotic, like a burden, useless, hopeless, empty and emotionally unstable). I'm also autustic (Asperger) and was diagnosed as an adult... so my working experience (more than 25 years) was very traumatic. I was bullied so bad and for so many years that it really fucked me up. Now i'm disabled and feel even worst. I think my life doesn't have any meaning or purpose. I liked to ctb but I can't right now (have to take care a few things). Thanks for reading!!!

 

[goodbyebunny]

Yeah, they're always there.

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry you're back in the throes of the thoughts. I agree- they never fully vanish. Mine have lingered intermittently for almost 13 years now