Discussion Suicidal thoughts help ease my anxiety.

[100102]

Everytime I feel anxious or uncomfortable, I'd think of suicide (bleeding to death while being all alone) and it always eases my anxiety and helps me feel a lot better. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

 

[Jblack]

You are not alone. The thought of exiting has eased my anxieties more than once. I think it is the idea that I can escape and find peace if I decide too. I feel like anxiety occurs when things are out of my control, the idea of exiting calms me because it is my choice and I have control over the decision to act on that thought.

 

[the_final_countdown]

I experience similar feelings of "relief".

It seems like suicidal ideation is a coping mechanism when you've run out of options to "stop" the pain, because you can't think of other solutions.

Acting on these impulses is quite different from just imagining them though.

 

[Darkhaven]

It certainly used to have that effect on me as well.
However, a while back i started seeing things in a different way and, thus, my suicidal thoughts no longer give me relief from my anxiety and depression.
Oh well, i guess when one reaches this level of misery, every negative change is to be expected.

 

[DrWh033]

It is well established that suicidal ideation is providing a sense of control and safety when everything has shifted outside of our control and we lost all hope.
It applies everywhere not just for anxiety or OCD.

 

[moonchild]

As others have said, it gives me a feeling of being in control of something. I find it helpful in that it does it's job of calming me down, but I've also tried to stop doing it because I find it so unhelpful. Mostly because I've lived so much of my life thinking "this doesn't matter because I'll eventually kill myself anyway" which isn't very good for motivation. But it is the best coping mechanism I have, so it doesn't seem like I'll get rid of it.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

It gives a feeling that I can tell God I quit. You are not alone. When I am at my worst, browsing ways of killing myself help me realize that I can end it all - I have some relief from life.

 

[AprilsBlessings]

Same until time to suicide came, and now i'm soooooo anxious about suicide itself

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Yes. My anxiety is far worse when I realize I'm actually going to have to deal with life for several more years or decades. Existing is very overwhelming. If my brain would just react similarly to thoughts of living, I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. Probably. I usually become much more fearless when I'm.. dead set, on suicide. Then knowing that feeling is possible for me, it'll make me less suicidal because I feel like I'm overcoming my anxiety. So I decide against it, and reality hits, and I'm back to being so anxious I can't do anything. It's a lovely cycle.

 

[asmah]

actually knowing that I will exit in a certain period of time, makes me more brave. I careless what people think of me or how good or bad I am in comparison to someone.
I can try it all, because I will leave this burning house anyways..

 

[Lupgevif]

Yeah. Plenty of nights I have caught myself getting calmer after fantasizing about hanging myself.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.

 

[lofticries]

Hmm,it really depends. Like the thought that I can always end my life puts me at ease but the whole envisioning of what I would do makes me emotional. But that's probably because my CTB method at the time was to shoot myself. I've never held or shot a gun before and the documentaries about the survivors honestly scared the shit out of me. Now I have a better more peaceful method.

Its funny because in highschool I used to daydream about slashing my wrists because I liked the look of it and thought of getting back at my parents and anyone who hurt me. But that was probably because slashing the wrists was often romanticized in movies and media.

 

[inthemoonblue]

I feel the same way. Having a solid and effective plan in place has actually given me enough comfort to hold off on cbt for now, oh the cruel irony.

 

[Natty]

I've found that the actionable thoughts have really helped with my anger.

For a while I was letting my depression and anxiety turn into anger as I watched myself slowly drown.

Then I started to make solid plans, I started coming to terms with CTB and the process, it helps so tremendously. My wife constantly caused me horrific amounts of stress that lead to anger, its gotten so much better since I've begun to practice and set dates.

 

[us_1999]

Yes, sometimes the idea of suicide becomes the only solid and stable ground.
But it feels so lonely and giddy when I try to imagine what I would be thinking after I take SN and before I die.

 

[Sensei]

I can relate. When I feel terrible I sometimes research suicide methods and it makes me feel strangely calm.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

When you are prepared to ctb you are invulnerable to basically everything. Some things you still have to worry about, like not losing the ability to kill yourself. It's also easy to forget suicide, at least for me, and get caught up in some stupid shit for a minute or two.

I can relate. When I feel terrible I sometimes research suicide methods and it makes me feel strangely calm.

Same, lol.