Suicidal thoughts as a child

[W3akCr3atur3]

Even when I was 5-7 years old I used to look down from a balcony and thought what if? What if I jump? What comes after life? I knew I wouldn't be able to cancel it once I jump, but it didn't really scare me that much. I used to think about it a lot. What if there's something awaits me after death? What if it's better than life? What if nothingness is better that life? And I have to commit my childhood was mostly happy.

Seems like I never was too scared of dying.

As I was getting older it only became worse. I thought of it as a solution of everything. Even when things and my sanity wasn't as fucked.

Does anybody else thought about death/suicide when they were a child and life wasn't too bad?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 11 or so. But my life kinda sucked. Horrible anxiety, depression, bullying, issues at home. It was kind of inevitable for me.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I have had a shit childhood, but it was only around the age of 13/14 that the idea of ending my own life became something I learned about and wanted to research, but there was no internet back then, so I was left with horror stories of cutting your wrists and blood spurting every were, it didn't put me off, I wanted to go via cutting wrists, but had no idea how to go about it.
A few years later as a young adult I tried to over dose, but again was clueless. Suicide and the option of, has always been in the back of my mind since i first discovered it, but it's only in the last year or so that its a path I will seriously take as soon as I am able.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I have had a shit childhood, but it was only around the age of 13/14 that the idea of ending my own life became something I learned about and wanted to research, but there was no internet back then, so I was left with horror stories of cutting your wrists and blood spurting every were, it didn't put me off, I wanted to go via cutting wrists, but had no idea how to go about it.
A few years later as a young adult I tried to over dose, but again was clueless. Suicide and the option of, has always been in the back of my mind since i first discovered it, but it's only in the last year or so that its a path I will seriously take as soon as I am able.

It's so weird knowing that there are people who haven't felt suicidal, or that there are people that eventually stop feeling suicidal. It's been my dark little friend for so long. An inevitability.

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 11 or so. But my life kinda sucked. Horrible anxiety, depression, bullying, issues at home. It was kind of inevitable for me.

That's weird but I didn't feel to suicidal when being bullied at school. And I was bullied more or less pretty much in any group I went to. Problems didn't bother me that much at that time.

 

[foxdie]

When I was like 4 or 5 I would lay in bed and think about just sinking in to the Earth's core and disappearing forever. I didn't realize until later that this was one of my earliest suicidal ideations.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

When I was like 4 or 5 I would lay in bed and think about just sinking in to the Earth's core and disappearing forever. I didn't realize until later that this was one of my earliest suicidal ideations.

That's so, so young. :(

That's weird but I didn't feel to suicidal when being bullied at school. And I was bullied more or less pretty much in any group I went to. Problems didn't bother me that much at that time.

I was always bullied in front of groups of my peers. So I guess it bothered me more because more people were aware of it and laughing at me.

 

[foxdie]

That's so, so young. :(

Yeah, childhood trama is a bitch, but I made it this far I guess

 

[sadworld]

That's weird but I didn't feel to suicidal when being bullied at school. And I was bullied more or less pretty much in any group I went to. Problems didn't bother me that much at that time.

Same, when i was like 10-15 i got bullied almost every day but i never thought about suicide and now its completely different but thats maybe cause i never heard of suicide back then. The only think i thought about was how nice it would be to have the ability to be invisible

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

Same, when i was like 10-15 i got bullied almost every day but i never thought about suicide and now its completely different but thats maybe cause i never heard of suicide back then. The only think i thought about was how nice it would be to have the ability to be invisible

Honestly at that time I just wished to get back at home and play computer games as soon as possible.
Now even smallest thing bother me really bad. I can think of killing myself even if something really small and not important happen.

 

[sadworld]

I was always bullied in front of groups of my peers. So I guess it bothered me more because more people were aware of it and laughing at me.

Honestly at that time I just wished to get back at home and play computer games as soon as possible.
Now even smallest thing bother me really bad. I can think of killing myself even if something really small and not important happen.
[/QUOTE]
yeah i was just rushing home after school to play games all day long and my parents always screamed at me that i should go outside and meet with friends (i didn't had any lol)

 

[Zyntkalla]

I had Suicidal thoughts since I was about the age of 6, and it got worse the older I got.

 

[Spitfire]

I remember having my first thoughts of suicide in 1984. I was in kindergarten and would have been five years old at the time.

 

[Ghost2211]

I first wanted to die at about the age of 11. I remember imagining my mom walking in on my hanging body with a note that said "can you hear me now?". I didn't know how to tie knots.

 

[demuic]

It's so weird knowing that there are people who haven't felt suicidal, or that there are people that eventually stop feeling suicidal. It's been my dark little friend for so long. An inevitability.

Before, I used to be afraid of death, and wonder why anyone would choose to commit suicide. I remember that scene in the movie in "The Incredibles" when I was a kid where Mr. Incredible saved a man from like jumping off a building and he was mad at him that he saved him. That confused me so much. Now I understand it so much.

 

[woxihuanni]

I first wanted to die at about the age of 11. I remember imagining my mom walking in on my hanging body with a note that said "can you hear me now?". I didn't know how to tie knots.

That is, to me, the only and perfectly suitable note. All those voices that are shut down and locked up when alive, how can anyone silence them when they don't have mouths to speak?

 

[Shades of Grey]

First started contemplating whether I could execute my own demise with household items (mostly meds) around five... first "real" ideation a few days before my eighth birthday.

 

[Stick]

The first time I really thought of death was when I was maybe 5 or so. Somone explained the concept of heaven to me, and I wanted to try and go there and see for myself. I did have a bit of real ideation a while after that, but it wasn't so much that I wanted to die so much as I thought I should die. Both of my parents lost their jobs in the 2008 recession, and I constantly felt guilty about my parents having to put aside things they needed in order to provide for me, and I felt that they would be better off if I killed myself.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Before, I used to be afraid of death, and wonder why anyone would choose to commit suicide. I remember that scene in the movie in "The Incredibles" when I was a kid where Mr. Incredible saved a man from like jumping off a building and he was mad at him that he saved him. That confused me so much. Now I understand it so much.

It's a very poignant moment.

 

[Notme]

From the age of 12 I alwaysbtgought I would be dead before I turn 16. I tried to hang myself with my school tie a couple of times. I was the kid that always made things worse and also did the most riskiest of things. I'm now 35 and I self harm constantly and have never stopped thinking about ctb.
When I was in nearly 20 I would drink ofbthe point I would need my stomach pumping. Lol

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I was 12 when I took a bottle of vitamins thinking it would get me out of the hell I was living. My memory is sort of shot, I can't remember if I had thoughts prior to that age I just know it was that age I began wanting to die.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

From the age of 12 I alwaysbtgought I would be dead before I turn 16. I tried to hang myself with my school tie a couple of times. I was the kid that always made things worse and also did the most riskiest of things. I'm now 35 and I self harm constantly and have never stopped thinking about ctb.
When I was in nearly 20 I would drink ofbthe point I would need my stomach pumping. Lol

It sounds like pure hell. I'm so sorry

 

[Sinkinshyp]

The first time I really thought of death was when I was maybe 5 or so. Somone explained the concept of heaven to me, and I wanted to try and go there and see for myself. I did have a bit of real ideation a while after that, but it wasn't so much that I wanted to die so much as I thought I should die. Both of my parents lost their jobs in the 2008 recession, and I constantly felt guilty about my parents having to put aside things they needed in order to provide for me, and I felt that they would be better off if I killed myself.

I was a single mom. I went without a lot of things so my sons could have. I went without food when the freezer and cash was low so I knew there would be enough for my boys. Don't ever feel guilty- if your parents are like me.. I would do it all over again. I wouldn't change a thing maybe have a better job so we always had more than enough maybe. When we have children we live for them. We seek being successful in our jobs to leave something behind for our children. My cars are temporarily mine, my special car gets me from point a to b but it's for my son. I am not able to explain things as clearly and intelligently as others. I would rather have my son than not. My 25 yr old son died in a car accident 3 years ago.

From the age of 12 I alwaysbtgought I would be dead before I turn 16. I tried to hang myself with my school tie a couple of times. I was the kid that always made things worse and also did the most riskiest of things. I'm now 35 and I self harm constantly and have never stopped thinking about ctb.
When I was in nearly 20 I would drink ofbthe point I would need my stomach pumping. Lol

Due to having cancer at 18 I still tote my old medical records. In one of the doctor notes they put in quotes " I will eventually kill myself. I am a screw up" I was 17 when I told the doctor that. I swore I would not live to see 20-than came my son. More health issues I said I wont see 30.. here I am 48. I'm so very sorry for what life did to you. I just was able to relate and thought I'd share

 

[Rue89]

As a child I was terrified of lit candles in the house. About 7-8 years old I started having thoughts about knocking the candles over and dying in the fire. I didn't know then if I was serious in any way or if it was purely imagination. I had a wild imagination. I guess I'll never know. I had a good childhood and no reason to be thinking about ctb. Freshman year was when I really started thinking about it and researching methods. At that time I was bullied, depressed, and had bad anxiety.