Discussion Suicidal Mums and Dads?

[_battered_butterfly_]

Any suicidal moms and dads out there?
Does anyone know you're suicidal?
I hate hearing "but you have so much to live for. Think of your kids."
When ending it IS for them. A better chance, after me...
A possibility of a better life and healing once I am gone.
They say suicide is a selfish act... But when you are painfully aware of the burden you place on everyone around you... Your kids... Parents... Spouse... Etc...
... It feels like the opposite.
CTB feels like A selfless act.

 

[WornOutLife]

Not me but I always say that unfortunately, if I had children, I would still be suicidal.
However, I would find it very hard to ctb and leave my kids alone. I dunno how I would deal with life really.

I used to talk to a person from here who ctb and had children. I wonder how they are.

 

[awfullife]

We in here OP. Many of us were not suicidal nor depressed prior to having children but life circumstances now force us to make a very difficult choice.....Do we fuck up our children even more that we already have when we CTB or do we struggle bust the rest of our awful existence and have them hate us for sucking so bad. It's a real treat - let me know what you decide to do!

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

At first, I hope you'll get better.

Not me too, just like @WornOutLife but i have to say
My mom died 7 years ago. According to the papers, it was an accident with some chemicals, but I took it as suicide because of her views. Still never blame her - she held on as best she could. For me personally I'd prefer know about her feelings more straight, but it went the way it did

 

[_battered_butterfly_]

We in here OP. Many of us were not suicidal nor depressed prior to having children but life circumstances now force us to make a very difficult choice.....Do we fuck up our children even more that we already have when we CTB or do we struggle bust the rest of our awful existence and have them hate us for sucking so bad. It's a real treat - let me know what you decide to do!

Ugh... Yes. This feeling right here.

 

[watchingthewheels]

Any suicidal moms and dads out there?
Does anyone know you're suicidal?
I hate hearing "but you have so much to live for. Think of your kids."
When ending it IS for them. A better chance, after me...
A possibility of a better life and healing once I am gone.
They say suicide is a selfish act... But when you are painfully aware of the burden you place on everyone around you... Your kids... Parents... Spouse... Etc...
... It feels like the opposite.
CTB feels like A selfless act.

My father killed himself when I was four, because my mom was with another man, and he felt he was losing his family.
I can't say he did it for me and my sister, because he left us behind with an abusive drug addict who only wound up with another man who was a violent alcoholic who nearly beat her to death on multiple occasions. She, in turn, abused us, and eventually abandoned us.

Something to think about.

 

[Ennail]

Yes i am a mum and i am to plannend SN. After the past years nothing has chanced. My husband understand me, but it's a diffucult situation.

 

[Soulless Angel]

careful posting this, there are many on here who hate people like us and will verbally attack at any chance!!! I have been in many a heated debate :/
but yes I am a mum, am I selfish for wanting to end it? No! People knew i was suicidal, they think I am over that *phase*

 

[xx1982]

Hi, I'm new here but not new to my thoughts and am a 39 year old mother of two boys under the age of six.
Yes, kids mean the world to me but I still don't see how I fit into this world and feel like a big disappointment to everyone around me, including my kids.

 

[yosi]

to be honest I do belive I should ctb before my 2yo gets any bigger. that way it'll be a lot easier for him. be leary of that long use of ssri children. it will fuck u

 

[D11FER]

I'm a very proud dad and once a very strong role model to my 3 amazing children (21,16,12). Being kicked out of the family home after being accused of having an affair which never happened I'm now a complete wreck and my children seeing me like this makes me realise that they are better off without me and hopefully in time they will see the truth of my passing.

 

[MaybeSoon]

careful posting this, there are many on here who hate people like us and will verbally attack at any chance!!! I have been in many a heated debate :/
but yes I am a mum, am I selfish for wanting to end it? No! People knew i was suicidal, they think I am over that *phase*

This is why I've never openly admitted it on here but seeing others bravery has helped me come to terms with it. Even though I agree with them in theory the anti-natalists can be vicious. I had the same views and problems before and it just happened. I guess that makes me a monster but she was never a mistake and I'm so glad she is here. She's not the reason I want to die but the reason I'm clinging on. I just can't see how having me as a dad will ever be a positive. I love her so much though.

 

[MaybeSoon]

to be honest I do belive I should ctb before my 2yo gets any bigger. that way it'll be a lot easier for him. be leary of that long use of ssri children. it will fuck u

I read something that said losing a parent is easier if they have no memories. I only mentioned it because apparently 2 years is when they develop memories. I can speak from experience that this is true but my memories are very traumatic. I have friends that can't remember anything until they were 5+. I've also read accounts of people who were kids losing a parent to suicide who were thankful for the memories. Rhonda Rousey comes to mind, she became a UFC champion despite her dad CTB. Also Wim Hoff (the beathing guru) raised all his kids who all seem happy and healthy after their mother CTB. It's a fine line and an absolute head fuck trying to work this out. I want to be selfish and stay to see more of her but fuck me I'm a mess.

 

[FinalDays]

New to the site and wow!!! I can relate to everyone in this post. I have 3 kids (9, 10 and 13) and I am struggling with the decision to CTB because I don't want to mess them up or worse, they follow my example. But at the same time, deep down I know I won't recover or be this parent that will make them happy. It makes me feel like crap.

 

[Thatdude]

I hate hearing "but you have so much to live for. Think of your kids."

I don't agree with "but you have so much to live for". But I agree with "Think of your kids."

The fact is this. NONE OF US HAD A CHOICE IN BEING BORN. However, the parents normally had a choice in having sex which caused them to have the kid. But lets say the mom was raped. She still had a choice to abort. So it's 100% the parents fault. I mean outside of if you're the father and was raped. Then you're screwed no matter what since you didn't have a choice on to do the act, and you don't have a choice to abort.
IMO because they didn't have a choice in your action to making them and keeping them alive. It's your job to do everything in your power to give them the best life they can have, and to increase their chance of success.

BUT IMO assuming they aren't disabled and have to live with your for pretty much the rest of their life. When they get going, then I think your job is pretty much done. Also if situations like what was said here where you don't even have access to the kids anymore for whatever reason. Your job is done.
If you're going to CTB and you have kids. At least set them up with grandparents or whatever which can take care of them. Like make sure their lives will be great vs you just running away and screwing them over more.

 

[Soulless Angel]

But I agree with "Think of your kids."

I am thinking of them, that's why I am wanting to CTB....

 

[TowerUpright]

I am a dad and have kids, all under the age of 15.

I don't have a huge horror story about why i want to CTB. I've been bossed around by my SO, and just in a proverbial hole. I can't voice my opinion on anything without it being talked down or dismissed. I try to say things and get interrupted by others in the family. My kids haged picked up on that s: they do it to me too. And, with my childhood issues (bordering on abuse), I am mentally incapable of speaking up.

I wish I could CTB soon, but don't have an opportunity to be alone that long for SN to work. I have a retirement savings plan and more than adequate life insurance. Financially, they will be taken care of. And they certainly don't see me as a role model, So i won't be missed there.

Yeah, Im selfish. I don't want to live feeling the way I do. Judge me any way you want.

 

[xx1982]

I am a dad and have kids, all under the age of 15.

I don't have a huge horror story about why i want to CTB. I've been bossed around by my SO, and just in a proverbial hole. I can't voice my opinion on anything without it being talked down or dismissed. I try to say things and get interrupted by others in the family. My kids haged picked up on that s: they do it to me too. And, with my childhood issues (bordering on abuse), I am mentally incapable of speaking up.

I wish I could CTB soon, but don't have an opportunity to be alone that long for SN to work. I have a retirement savings plan and more than adequate life insurance. Financially, they will be taken care of. And they certainly don't see me as a role model, So i won't be missed there.

Yeah, Im selfish. I don't want to live feeling the way I do. Judge me any way you want.

I feel the same exact way, except that I'm the mom.
But, I'm not a good wife, mother, friend, you name, someone has an issue with me.
If it's me as much as they say it is, then no one will miss me.
I don't know the acronyms here, rarely have time to browse, but today I am a 10/10 on wanting to be gone, just don't know how to do it.