Suicidal Laziness

[WornOutLife]

Since last week, I've been experiencing a suicidal laziness.
I just don't feel like doing anything but unfortunately, I have lots of stuff to do because I gotta study and also I've got lots of new students. I even work on Saturdays. Mind you! I love my job but I'm just like "Damn, what about not doing anything and just spending my time in bed thinking about ctb?"

I guess I'm scared of becoming a depressed NEET again because I know if I give up now, I won't recover and the only options left will be to ctb for real or spend the rest of my days in a psych ward.

Anybody else experiencing a suicidal laziness? I guess it's just depression in the end but damn, I bet you understand this feeling of not wanting do anything but wasting your time in bed watching series, anime, etc.

Anyway, just venting a bit here.

Thanks for reading me, as usual. =)

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Yeah, I don't have any good reason to do anything so the inertia is extreme. After the gym today I spent like two hours in the bath with a protein shake and I was asking myself "How am I not bored? Why do I not feel like I want to do something else?". There are no pull or push factors, I need to die.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, I don't have any good reason to do anything so the inertia is extreme. After the gym today I spent like two hours in the bath with a protein shake and I was asking myself "How am I not bored? Why do I not feel like I want to do something else?". There are no pull or push factors, I need to die.

I can relate.
Anyway, it's amazing you're going to the gym. I wish I could find the motivation to start working out again lol

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I can relate.
Anyway, it's amazing you're going to the gym. I wish I could find the motivation to start working out again lol

I don't have motivation, I just like lifting and the gym is nearby. Don't need strength or a good looking body, completely useless endeavour.

 

[WornOutLife]

I don't have motivation, I just like lifting and the gym is nearby. Don't need strength or a good looking body, completely useless endeavour.

I'd better start liking to move my as* around then lol.
Anyway, I think that's our main problem. Not having any motivation sucks.
I have it from time to time, when I'm on the UPS side. However, I can't be there that long. You know, bipolar stuff.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I'd better start liking to move my as* around then lol.
Anyway, I think that's our main problem. Not having any motivation sucks.
I have it from time to time, when I'm on the UPS side. However, I can't be there that long. You know, bipolar stuff.

Well, I don't do cardio since it requires motivation I simply don't have. So only deadlift, bench press, pull-ups, rows, maybe kettlebell stuff. I only do movements that I like and I ignore "mUsCLe ImbALaNcEs" along with "pHysIqUe" and "cArDiOVaSCulAr HeALtH".

Thankfully I am not bipolar so I can maintain a relatively stable incel NEET lifestyle with a steady stream of loneliness and suicidal ideation. Being bipolar sounds more lethal, though, better for ctb. Guess that's why you managed to attempt several times already.

 

[Makko]

I haven't done anything productive since friday which is a long time for me. Good thing that work starts again tomorrow, resting is nice but only in small doses. If I stay lazy more than a few days I start losing touch with reality, lose all sense of time and stop taking care of myself. I find derealization pleasant (unlike most) but it's not good if I still have some sort of life to uphold.

 

[popcorn]

yes i feel you. i am one lazy piece of shit as of late. but i really do like it

ever since i got fired i just sit on youtube all day, oh and SS of course

 

[WornOutLife]

yes i feel you. i am one lazy piece of shit as of late. but i really do like it

ever since i got fired i just sit on youtube all day, oh and SS of course

Haha I love those YouTube days. I start watching Richard Dawkins videos and then I end up watching PewDiePie and after then some random puppies videos. Just WTF haha. Time flies.

 

[popcorn]

Haha I love those YouTube days. I start watching Richard Dawkins videos and then I end up watching PewDiePie and after then some random puppies videos. Just WTF haha. Time flies.

ahaha! time does fly, the last few months have blurred into one long day

it feels i only watch a couple of podcasts and the day is over and its time to sleep

 

[Isisnefert]

Sufro de esa pereza de la que hablas, solo quiero dormir o no hacer nada, sí, un neet. Tengo que estudiar para los exámenes pero la idea ctb no me permite concentrarme y aquí estoy, en SS

No tengo motivación, solo me gusta levantar pesas y el gimnasio está cerca. No necesito fuerza ni un cuerpo atractivo, esfuerzo completamente inútil.

Al menos tu lo haces, debo perder todo el peso que gano porque la mirtazapina y yo odiamos el deporte

No he hecho nada productivo desde el viernes, que es mucho tiempo para mí. Menos mal que el trabajo vuelve a empezar mañana, descansar es agradable pero solo en pequeñas dosis. Si me quedo perezoso más de unos días empiezo a perder el contacto con la realidad, pierdo el sentido del tiempo y dejo de cuidarme. Encuentro la desrealización agradable (a diferencia de la mayoría) pero no es bueno si todavía tengo algún tipo de vida que mantener.

Admiro tu sentido del deber

No he hecho nada productivo desde el viernes, que es mucho tiempo para mí. Menos mal que el trabajo vuelve a empezar mañana, descansar es agradable pero solo en pequeñas dosis. Si me quedo perezoso más de unos días empiezo a perder el contacto con la realidad, pierdo el sentido del tiempo y dejo de cuidarme. Encuentro la desrealización agradable (a diferencia de la mayoría) pero no es bueno si todavía tengo algún tipo de vida que mantener.

Admiro tu sentido del deber

si te siento. Últimamente soy un perezoso. pero realmente me gusta

desde que me despidieron, solo me siento en youtube todo el día, oh y SS, por supuesto

Same

 

[Pen>Sword]

I'm experiencing suicidal laziness right now. I'm failing nursing school. Once I fail, I'm going to CTB.

You teach? What's your job and what do you teach?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've definitely been feeling this. Ever since they let me go in my job I've had no reason to feel like doing anything meaningful. It's 3 pm and I'm still lying in bed.

 

[Ame]

"Suicidal Laziness" -- along with a healthy portion of grief -- has essentially been my default state for the past two months. To make matters even worse, I've completely abandoned my studies and ghosted my employer (I guess that you could say that I'm getting in some practice for when I finally get around to ghosting life ha ha). I am now, by all definitions, a NEET. I wish that I could say that I am filling my time with leisurely pursuits, but avolition and anhedonia have made partaking in hobbies impossible. Even listening to music feels like a chore and I just skip along the track to get it over with.

I literally spend my days on this forum and in the General Chat while I wait for my suicide window to open (I am trying to avoid birthdays). The brain fog has been especially bad these past couple of weeks and so even writing small posts or replies feels like this gargantuan task. It's like the mind has died but the body never got the memo...so here I am left with the task of killing a body. I need to be dead lol.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm experiencing suicidal laziness right now. I'm failing nursing school. Once I fail, I'm going to CTB.

You teach? What's your job and what do you teach?

Geez! I hope we can "get healed" from this disease. Damn suicidal laziness lol.
I teach Spanish and English. I really love being a teacher but there are days on which I don't wanna do anything. I can't believe I managed to teach for 10 hours (with some breaks) today!

 

[Pen>Sword]

Geez! I hope we can "get healed" from this disease. Damn suicidal laziness lol.
I teach Spanish and English. I really love being a teacher but there are days on which I don't wanna to do anything. I can't believe I managed to teach for 10 hours (with some breaks) today!

TBH, I thought that you're an American because you sounded like a native English speaker. Your grammar is very good and you can write colloquially. I hope your business booms.

 

[Lmd]

I hate it. Fight depression it's exhausting. I want to spend the whole day on my bed doing nothing. For me even listen to music is make an effort that I don't want to. Sometimes I'm so exhausted that I spend days without even thinking, just sleeping. No dreams, no thoughs, head empty. The thing is that I don't mind until I understand that I'm not going to die yet. Every week I spend in bed I have the same feeling of hate. Right now I can't have a normal life but I can't stay in bed forever if I'm not going to die. I have to transform all this hate into energy to start doing things and it feels like I'm climbing a mountain without equipment.

Right now I'm on a streak. I have enough energy to spend the whole day active but it's SO hard. There are times that I can feel how I'm gonna faint. I have to choose even with who I'm gonna talk or who is gonna have my time because I have an emotional antenna that absorbs everything and it exhausts me a lot. Every step I take is more difficult and it's so tempting to just lay in bed and sleep until my final day comes, but I don't want to surrender because I don't want to die just because it's the easy way. I want to feel, I want to get crazy, learn new things, have total control of my body, have an actual reason to die for (or live) and I have to get up and looking for them because they are not going to come magically.

Have depression sucks. Not knowing what's wrong with me sucks even more. I wish I could be smarter to understand what's going on and don't be here having endless existential loops that goes nowhere.

 

[Celerity]

Just wait until you become too lazy to eat.

 

[In2TheVoid]

Cheering for you @WornOutLife

 

[Isisnefert]

Lo odio. Luchar contra la depresión es agotador. Quiero pasar todo el día en mi cama sin hacer nada. Para mí incluso escuchar música es hacer un esfuerzo que no quiero. A veces estoy tan exhausto que me paso días sin pensar, solo durmiendo. Sin sueños, sin pensamientos, con la cabeza vacía. Lo que pasa es que no me importa hasta que entiendo que todavía no voy a morir. Cada semana que paso en la cama tengo el mismo sentimiento de odio. Ahora mismo no puedo tener una vida normal, pero no puedo quedarme en la cama para siempre si no voy a morir. Tengo que transformar todo este odio en energía para empezar a hacer cosas y se siente como si estuviera escalando una montaña sin equipo.

Ahora mismo estoy en una racha. Tengo suficiente energía para pasar todo el día activo, pero es MUY difícil. Hay momentos en los que puedo sentir cómo me voy a desmayar. Tengo que elegir incluso con quién voy a hablar o quién va a tener mi tiempo porque tengo una antena emocional que lo absorbe todo y me agota mucho. Cada paso que doy es más difícil y es muy tentador quedarme en la cama y dormir hasta que llegue mi último día, pero no quiero rendirme porque no quiero morir solo porque es la manera más fácil. Quiero sentir, quiero volverme loco, aprender cosas nuevas, tener el control total de mi cuerpo, tener una razón real por la que morir (o vivir) y tengo que levantarme y buscarlos porque no van a venir. por arte de magia.

Tener depresión apesta. No saber qué me pasa es una mierda aún más. Ojalá pudiera ser más inteligente para comprender lo que está sucediendo y no estar aquí teniendo bucles existenciales interminables que no conducen a ninguna parte.

Same

 

[WornOutLife]

Just wait until you become too lazy to eat.

I hope that helps me to lose some weight lol.
I live alone and cooking everyday sucks. I used to prepare the 4 daily meals and now I only make dinner and during the day I just eat some snacks or cookies haha.

 

[Celerity]

I hope that helps me to lose some weight lol.
I live alone and cooking everyday sucks. I used to prepare the 4 daily meals and now I only make dinner and during the day I just eat some snacks or cookies haha.

I looked great when I was depressed AF. I got down to <130 effortlessly. My vitamin levels were shot from surviving off of espresso and alcohol though.

 

[noname223]

I am torn back and forth either to give completely up or to fight. I really need freetime and being lazy for my mental health. I am so unstable when I am stressed.

 

[WornOutLife]

I am torn back and forth either to give completely up or to fight. I really need freetime and being lazy for my mental health. I am so unstable when I am stressed.

Freetime can certainly help a lot.
At least it worked for me. I was a NEET for almost 3 years and had a lot of time to think about what the hell I wanted do with my life.