Suicidal ideation without depression

[kovkay]

I have had depression before and I know what it feels like. Currently, I would not describe myself as in pain or anything like it. I feel quite okay. Not sad and not happy. Perhaps I would say I have anhedonia, but I'm not really sure and I don't really care. Basically, I don't see the point of going on further in life. I experienced everything that I ever wanted and nothing was really "up there" and nothing is really worth it for me to stay.

Does anybody else feel this way?

 

[Soulless Angel]

I understand this, I am feeling detached more then anything, but when I do feel something its more numb, no deep sadness no deep unhappiness, but no elation either, I am just here, until I can not be here.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I get this. I can't call myself depressed in the traditional sense. More like exasperated or tired. I've never had depression but I live with social anxiety disorder. I keep trying to find the strength to continue but it seems I'm all out.

 

[kovkay]

"So why would anyone commit suicide if they are not depressed? This is probably easier to understand for people who have not lived their lives in Western society. We are taught that life is the most precious thing available and death is the worst tragedy that could happen to a person. But not everyone views it this way. Just like some people do not like ice cream and to the rest of us that may seem utterly weird, some people dislike life. You might call it an illness or disorder, but that would be unfair. It is a preference, not a disease."
-Maija Haavisto

 

[Soul]

"So why would anyone commit suicide if they are not depressed? This is probably easier to understand for people who have not lived their lives in Western society. We are taught that life is the most precious thing available and death is the worst tragedy that could happen to a person. But not everyone views it this way. Just like some people do not like ice cream and to the rest of us that may seem utterly weird, some people dislike life. You might call it an illness or disorder, but that would be unfair. It is a preference, not a disease."
-Maija Haavisto

That would be me! I'm no longer depressed or sad; I have fun and appreciate a lot of things and love my cats and the Rolling Stones, but I intend to commit suicide.

 

[Sunshine]

I have had depression before and I know what it feels like. Currently, I would not describe myself as in pain or anything like it. I feel quite okay. Not sad and not happy. Perhaps I would say I have anhedonia, but I'm not really sure and I don't really care. Basically, I don't see the point of going on further in life. I experienced everything that I ever wanted and nothing was really "up there" and nothing is really worth it for me to stay.

Does anybody else feel this way?

That literally is depression...

Depression isn't just CRYING, HYSTERIA AND DARKNESS. Apathy and anhedonia are big symptoms of depression.

 

[kovkay]

I thought depression was a presence of low mood and no energy. Things like not being able to get out of bed, showering less, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, self-loathing and whatever else.
I don't ruminate and have a clean room. For the longest time, I felt as though my depression had passed. Did it just get lighter or morph into the indifference towards life? I don't think I would score high on those checklists that shrinks give you to assess whether or not you have depression.

 

[FreddieQuell]

I have had depression before and I know what it feels like. Currently, I would not describe myself as in pain or anything like it. I feel quite okay. Not sad and not happy. Perhaps I would say I have anhedonia, but I'm not really sure and I don't really care. Basically, I don't see the point of going on further in life. I experienced everything that I ever wanted and nothing was really "up there" and nothing is really worth it for me to stay.

Does anybody else feel this way?

Same here. I've been in dark pits of depression and anxiety but just not giving a fuck anymore, don't see any point in going on but quite relaxed about it as well. Quite an improvement from what it was. If this is what depression is, I'll take it over what I've experienced before.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I've been like that since childhood. While I never overtly hated life until my teen years, death never really scared me. So when a kid would threaten "I'm gonna kill you!" just to scare me, I'd think "Um, OK, just make it fast, I guess" or even "OK, if you say so". Things got slightly better after high school, when I was able to take up smoking and drinking, to distract my mind from the drudgery of life, and had my drinking sessions to look forward to.

I didn't start fully enjoying life until a few years ago, when I got on antidepressants. The love of life ended once again when my state governor (hence my username) enacted the Corona lockdowns, mandated social distancing, and made social gatherings illegal. Which completely destroyed my social life, and took away all sources of joy. That's when I decided to get serious about CTB'ing or at least having CTB plans ready.

 

[Sunshine]

I thought depression was a presence of low mood and no energy. Things like not being able to get out of bed, showering less, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, self-loathing and whatever else.
I don't ruminate and have a clean room. For the longest time, I felt as though my depression had passed. Did it just get lighter or morph into the indifference towards life? I don't think I would score high on those checklists that shrinks give you to assess whether or not you have depression.

Anhedonia occurs in roughly 70% of people with a major depressive disorder. Anhedonia is a core symptom of major depressive disorder; therefore, individuals experiencing this symptom can be diagnosed with depression, even in the absence of low/depressed mood.

 

[Theregoesthatidea]

I absolutely feel this way too. I'm not sad or distraught very often more than i feel comfortable with less. Maybe ive beaten into my head that i only deserve a small studio and low level jobs for 20 years and thats it. I guess that i think that i don't deserve more. I totally feel ya here man.

 

[Meditation guide]

I was depressed until I got on thyroid medication so I know what it feels like too and this is just being worn out from one terrible problem after the next for the last 20 years, struggling and facing them all alone each time. Now that I can barely move or walk at all I don't have the ability to cope with the problems.

Funny how every problem requires you to be able to walk and move.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. I can relate. I gave everything I could. I don't want to go on but here I am. Also I experienced almost everything I wanted although there things I couldn't achieve.

 

[woxihuanni]

Not depressed, don't have anhedonia. Just forced to die. I fell into a very small trap somebody set for me.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I always feel like I want to die. Event when Im not actually depressed at the moment. Ive gotten so used to it it now just feels like backround noise

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Same tbh. Even when I'm somewhat happy I still want to die, because I just don't care that much about life and what it has to offer me.

 

[I screwed up]

Feel the same ... In the same boat brother. Life just seems to drift by .. No desire to live any more

 

[Inferdan]

I mean, it still lingers on my mind from time to time, but I don't intend on leaving anytime soon, got things I'd prefer to do

 

[draw a circle]

My symptoms of depression is situational, but I do have anxiety tendencies (not diagnosed) and it made me respond to any inconvenience/embarrasment/sadness with "oh okay time to die". The problem lies in my shit ass core personality, and even though I CAN live with that, I don't want to. This world is fucked anyway. Living sucks with fucking global warming and wars and discrimination and all that crap. I know life isn't always rainbows and puppies and all, but the future is honestly looking rather bleak. So, yeah, I don't really have depression, but I won't be averse to not be alive.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

That literally is depression...

Depression isn't just CRYING, HYSTERIA AND DARKNESS. Apathy and anhedonia are big symptoms of depression.

Apathy and anhedonia? Wow, I had no idea. I thought my apathy was a result of my social anxiety disorder. I can still experience pleasure from activities though, just find myself caring less and less about the world around me. Happens when it seems as if everyone and their dog are against you.

 

[I screwed up]

I have been suffering from Apathy and anhedonia for long ... Now its turned into suicidal ideation ...