Discussion Suicidal even with success?

[NeedSomething]

Anyone here have a good life but still feel suicidal? Ive got a lot going for me. Married, great job, own a home, have a few wonderful pets, ect. But I still feel like garbage. Like being alive is still misery. I thought all of this would help and it would make me feel like ive got a real purpose. Like I was meant to be here. But it hasnt helped. I love my spouse immensely and the life we have built together... but the voice inside me keeps telling me I dont have any worth or value. That my death would be the best for everyone. Im nothing special, nothing meaningful.

But there is nothing about my life that is bad. So a part of me also feels like im some sort of imposter. Like these feelings of depression and feelings of being misreble arent valid. What do I have to be sad about? What do I have to cry about? Nothing. And yet I keep feeling this way. I dont have any right to feel like this. This life was wasted on me. It should of went to someone who could actually feel good about it.

 

[No_Lxve]

glad you have a good life but honestly, I think it's just a depression episode. I would really sit down and think deeply about what is causing all of this.

talk to your partner about your feelings. I know she would sit down and listen.

maybe you need to make good changes to your everyday life.

 

[watchingthebuses]

Yup. Although I'm not as far into life as you, I'm sort of in the same boat. I guess all except for not having any real connection with anyone of my own accord. But yeah, comfy life, family's fine-ish, successful in career path, financially stable, nothing in particular that would make someone think I would be suicidal or depressed. And yet here I am, wishing I was dead for decades since my age was in single digit lol. No one knows what's going on internally in other people.

Some people would kill to have this kind of life and that just causes you to feel more guilty because you should be happy. You feel like all these resources are wasted on you, it should have gone to someone else who would have made better use of it - someone who probably wouldn't kill themselves in the future. Imposter syndrome is real, and man is it miserable.

I don't have an answer for you, just wanted to say you're not alone.

 

[CW36]

I can totally relate. For me, life just doesn't hold any appeal anymore. I've done everything I wanted to and now it's just feels like a rinse and repeat exercise. Sure, I can still have fun, but the adverture, the discovery is dead. The more ignorant a person is, the easier it is for them to plough on.

 

[Nezumi04]

Anyone here have a good life but still feel suicidal? Ive got a lot going for me. Married, great job, own a home, have a few wonderful pets, ect. But I still feel like garbage. Like being alive is still misery. I thought all of this would help and it would make me feel like ive got a real purpose. Like I was meant to be here. But it hasnt helped. I love my spouse immensely and the life we have built together... but the voice inside me keeps telling me I dont have any worth or value. That my death would be the best for everyone. Im nothing special, nothing meaningful.

But there is nothing about my life that is bad. So a part of me also feels like im some sort of imposter. Like these feelings of depression and feelings of being misreble arent valid. What do I have to be sad about? What do I have to cry about? Nothing. And yet I keep feeling this way. I dont have any right to feel like this. This life was wasted on me. It should of went to someone who could actually feel good about it.

Do you think there's anything you feel like you're missing in your life? maybe try to pinpoint exactly why you can't feel fully happy with yourself? - Maybe that negative inner voice was created from all your past hardships putting you down, but you can work at changing those perceptions about yourself now. Your present life sounds happy, and the reality is that you probably are special and meaningful to people, at least especially to your wife. Perhaps some positive self-talk could be helpful in reminding the good things about yourself, and recognizing your own value/worth more.

I guess I can kinda relate though... I've always had a sort of melancholy disposition (maybe due to my past traumas). When I had a loving partner, I still had a hard time being fully present and happy too. I'd be surrounded by people who raved and talked about how they enjoyed living and wanted to live forever if they could... that life had so much to offer! ...and I could never relate, that sounded tiring . I wish I could be like them, but I couldn't feel the same way.

 

[NeedSomething]

glad you have a good life but honestly, I think it's just a depression episode. I would really sit down and think deeply about what is causing all of this.

talk to your partner about your feelings. I know she would sit down and listen.

maybe you need to make good changes to your everyday life.

It has been like this ever since I was a kid. It is not a depression "episode" unless you count 10+ years an episode. But I do agree that I should talk to my spouse about it. But she knows I struggle with depression, just not the extent of it

Yup. Although I'm not as far into life as you, I'm sort of in the same boat. I guess all except for not having any real connection with anyone of my own accord. But yeah, comfy life, family's fine-ish, successful in career path, financially stable, nothing in particular that would make someone think I would be suicidal or depressed. And yet here I am, wishing I was dead for decades since my age was in single digit lol. No one knows what's going on internally in other people.

Some people would kill to have this kind of life and that just causes you to feel more guilty because you should be happy. You feel like all these resources are wasted on you, it should have gone to someone else who would have made better use of it - someone who probably wouldn't kill themselves in the future. Imposter syndrome is real, and man is it miserable.

I don't have an answer for you, just wanted to say you're not alone.

Thank you so much. It makes me feel a little more valid knowing someone else feels the same way.