Alogia, there you go,
That's how I learned about the definition, thanks to this forum.
The worst part about it in my current situation is that my long lasting manic episode took me to a foreign country, where I followed my mania to do weirdest stuff (luckily, none of them traumatizing, and even fun), but I also spent all my money, got robbed and poisoned along the way. My survival instincts took me to become a language teacher, where mania helped me perform very well until the cognitive decline started, eventually showing more and more negative symptoms of schizoaffective disorder, which I'm probably having, there just isn't medical insurance for me to get diagnosed rn, but many years ago I got diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and I think it needs to be reviewed.
I started suffering from depression, plus the negative symptoms make it extremely hard and stressful to do teaching, as you can imagine, which adds to the stress and it all spirals further.
Either it's alogia or melancholy, something in that direction. I just constantly am waiting for a prompt or an impulse to do sth. Sad part is that my students are struggling from it too now, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't care a bit, but overcoming it easily when the energy level is so low already, is a big struggle.
