Suicidal and relationships

[FreddieQuell]

I saw a post here earlier asking the question if you would date someone who is depressed and suicidal.

The question I would like to ask however is: how do you feel about dating, while being suicidal?

Personally, being suicidal, I don't find it ethical to date anyone who is not depressed or suicidal, to prevent them from being sucked in or having to be a crutch for me. I have intimate experience with this - my father has been emotionally unstable all his life, which has basically ruined my mother's life. She has always served as his crutch and support. Her care for him may have started out as loving support but it has soured, with her now resenting her choice in this matter. It is never talked about or said out loud but I know she hates him now for having to be his mental health worker, severely limiting her in leading and enjoying her own life.

I hate the toxic relationship they have, there is always this tension between them. A volcano waiting to erupt but both know it's too late to change now. Their lives are largely in the past now (they turn 70 coming year) and accept they are pretty much stuck in this situation. One of the saddest realisations I have had is that my parents decided to have children with the motivation being for my dad to hold on - children would give life meaning right? Before my life started I was already destined to serve as a crutch for my dad, how sad. I am the second of two children and my dad was in a mental health institution for the first couple of weeks after I was born. So much for children giving meaning to life.

I have made a commitment to myself that I will never start another relationship (have had a couple of failed ones in the past) where I am a burden to my partner. I know I will essentially rob this person of a large portion of their life. I have been like this, depressed and suicidal, on and off for the last 18 years and I know with certainty that this is the way I am and a relationship would not change that. If anything, it would be a bandaid for me to hold on for a bit longer, instead of it being a healthy relationship where partners augment one another in a balanced way.

Ironically, the fact that I feel I should not date and thus will not have a healthy and loving relationship in the future is a reason for me to want to CTB. I didn't plan on writing this entire story but just had to get it out I guess.

 

[SpottedPanda]

For me, it's not just relationships, it's friendships and hobbies too. I reason that my life is officially over, and that it's only a matter of time before I'm gone, so I see little point in investing in something new.

It may well vary from person to person, such as those simply sitting on the fence, and are just suffering an onslaught of suicidal feelings, but for me, firm in my resolve that it's over and I must go, I wouldn't bother starting anything.

 

[ERASED]

I saw a post here earlier asking the question if you would date someone who is depressed and suicidal.

The question I would like to ask however is: how do you feel about dating, while being suicidal?

Personally, being suicidal, I don't find it ethical to date anyone who is not depressed or suicidal, to prevent them from being sucked in or having to be a crutch for me. I have intimate experience with this - my father has been emotionally unstable all his life, which has basically ruined my mother's life. She has always served as his crutch and support. Her care for him may have started out as loving support but it has soured, with her now resenting her choice in this matter. It is never talked about or said out loud but I know she hates him now for having to be his mental health worker, severely limiting her in leading and enjoying her own life.

I hate the toxic relationship they have, there is always this tension between them. A volcano waiting to erupt but both know it's too late to change now. Their lives are largely in the past now (they turn 70 coming year) and accept they are pretty much stuck in this situation. One of the saddest realisations I have had is that my parents decided to have children with the motivation being for my dad to hold on - children would give life meaning right? Before my life started I was already destined to serve as a crutch for my dad, how sad. I am the second of two children and my dad was in a mental health institution for the first couple of weeks after I was born. So much for children giving life meaning.

I have made a commitment to myself that I will never start another relationship (have had a couple of failed ones in the past) where I am a burden to my partner. I know I will essentially rob this person of a large portion of their life. I have been like this, depressed and suicidal, on and off for the last 18 years and I know with certainty that this is the way I am and a relationship would not change that. If anything, it would be a bandaid for me to hold on for a bit longer, instead of it being a healthy relationship where partners augment one another in a balanced way.

Ironically, the fact that I feel I should not date and thus will not have a healthy and loving relationship in the future is a reason for me to want to CTB. I didn't plan on writing this entire story but just had to get it out I guess.

I wish my relationships were somewhat like that with how your parents stayed together and tryed to work it out. Both my kids father were manipulative and preyed on my depression when I told them about my childhood. So i never really was loved by them just used and talked down to and that added on to my already poor low ass self-esteem i had about myself. And i dont want to talk about the physical abuse. I just hate how i stayed in those two relationships knowing i shouldn't left before I had the kids. So me personally i don't think being in a relationship is bad for me.....i just need to know who really cares because I'm so desperate to be loved.