virginiawoolf86
Specialist
- Jul 4, 2020
- 317
I've been debating putting this here for a while now. I'm worried that what I say will get reported.
I'm struggling. Daily. Every moment I exist whether it's sleeping or awake is torturous. Being in this body and brain for the past year has been nothing but suffering day in and day out. I don't know what to do anymore. I've sought help, but nothing does. I drink myself almost black out everyday in a hopeless attempt to find peace. But I'm dead inside and I'm losing. I can't feel anything. Just the death and decay in my soul.
Some of you may already know, but I have Cotard's Delusion/Syndrome. It's not quite the same as being emotionally vacant, but more of an actual feeling of death. Like a walking zombie. I feel like my soul died, along with my brain, and I'm just post-mortem inside. This has been for almost a year. I can't keep doing this.
I barely spend time with my family anymore. And I know I should. I'm just desperately seeking affection in hopes that I might actually feel something. But I don't. And I've been seeing this guy and things are going well. But when he talks about a future together, I just think to myself "I'm sorry. I'm happy that we both found each other. I'm not much longer for this Earth."
I need any words of comfort. I need peace.
I didn't make it to 2020 guys.
I'm struggling. Daily. Every moment I exist whether it's sleeping or awake is torturous. Being in this body and brain for the past year has been nothing but suffering day in and day out. I don't know what to do anymore. I've sought help, but nothing does. I drink myself almost black out everyday in a hopeless attempt to find peace. But I'm dead inside and I'm losing. I can't feel anything. Just the death and decay in my soul.
Some of you may already know, but I have Cotard's Delusion/Syndrome. It's not quite the same as being emotionally vacant, but more of an actual feeling of death. Like a walking zombie. I feel like my soul died, along with my brain, and I'm just post-mortem inside. This has been for almost a year. I can't keep doing this.
I barely spend time with my family anymore. And I know I should. I'm just desperately seeking affection in hopes that I might actually feel something. But I don't. And I've been seeing this guy and things are going well. But when he talks about a future together, I just think to myself "I'm sorry. I'm happy that we both found each other. I'm not much longer for this Earth."
I need any words of comfort. I need peace.
I didn't make it to 2020 guys.
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