Sucidal over ageing

[FireFox]

I dont feel young anymore. People say to me i am young and have my whole life ahead of me .

I does not feel that way . Everday i feel like i am running out of time .
I am not where i am supposed to be.
By now i should be in the middle of a career, a relationship, my own appartment and more independant from my parents etc.

I turn 23 next month

I am so scared .

Everyday i feel like i am drowning, i feel like dont belong in this world.

 

[braketimez]

I'm 29. I feel the same way. We both have our lives ahead of us. So much potential, OP

 

[lmroch]

​

 

[Cleopatra123]

I dont feel young anymore. People say to me i am young and have my whole life ahead of me .

I does not feel that way . Everday i feel like i am running out of time .
I am not where i am supposed to be.
By now i should be in the middle of a career, a relationship, my own appartment and more independant from my parents etc.

I turn 23 next month

I am so scared .

Everyday i feel like i am drowning, i feel like dont belong in this world.

I think many people in your age range feel that way. Things have been much more complicated for younger generations. Of course, at this moment, it is difficult to plan anything; but, while the virus calms down, it's a good idea to think of developing some kind of direction. What do you like, what are you good at, can you take a class, or some to give you direction. Aside from this, most people are not settled into a career, home and family at your age. It takes a while, so I hope this is some encouragement to think a little on the positive side. Best wishes to you.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Same here even if I took away my dozen physical and mental problems I would still kill myself for not being a child, I wanna be a child again so bad back then life was so carefree, full of imagination, mystery and magic and everything was so new and exciting and I had a ton of friends as an adult existence is all about responsibilities and no fun I also look so old at least in my eyes, remember I wanna be a little happy child again so me turning 26 in a few days feels like I am turning 70.

Only a couple of hours ago I even looked at old childhood pictures and for some reason I feel slightly less apathetic today so watching these pictures and how idyllic and happy those times were was so depressing I hope/hoped I would end it later tonight after watching even more childhood pictures and thinking about how amazing a life I had back then and how I will never experience it again.

 

[Woodnote]

I feel the same way. I'll be 24 soon and feel like I'm running out of time.

 

[Cleopatra123]

Same here even if I took away my dozen physical and mental problems I would still kill myself for not being a child, I wanna be a child again so bad back then life was so carefree, full of imagination, mystery and magic and everything was so new and exciting and I had a ton of friends as an adult existence is all about responsibilities and no fun I also look so old at least in my eyes, remember I wanna be a little happy child again so me turning 26 in a few days feels like I am turning 70.

Only a couple of hours ago I even looked at old childhood pictures and for some reason I feel slightly less apathetic today so watching these pictures and how idyllic and happy those times were was so depressing I hope/hoped I would end it later tonight after watching even more childhood pictures and thinking about how amazing a life I had back then and how I will never experience it again.

You are so lucky to have had a carefree childhood, but sometimes in childhood kids are asked to take some responsibility to prepare for so much more responsibility. Did you clean your room, do some dishes, yard work. It just got a lot bigger, complicated, just difficult in many ways. I am old, I look back at my memories of my 20's-50's missing when times were so much easier for me. When you are old, life gets even more complicated.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm 33 and I don't know how I got so old so fast. Mind you I'm not even halfway through and had I done half of what I'm supposed to by now I'd be a lot happier about where I'm at. It was 23 when I first went "oh crap" also coincided with it turning 2010. The last decades been a total waste but I don't think it was too late had I been able to get over wasting my late teens/early twenties but that's not an easy thing to do. I only realised what it meant once it had gone. I think it's definitely too late now.

 

[Shinbu]

I'm suicidal of being in this world. So much shit get flung to you. Too many sub humans, and violence. Aging, diseases, viruses is the cherry on top of this. I'm drowning as well.

 

[lmroch]

I have destroyed all photos from my past.. All but one when I was 18. I want every single photo of me destroyed.

​

 

[Cleopatra123]

I'm 33 and I don't know how I got so old so fast. Mind you I'm not even halfway through and had I done half of what I'm supposed to by now I'd be a lot happier about where I'm at. It was 23 when I first went "oh crap" also coincided with it turning 2010. The last decades been a total waste but I don't think it was too late had I been able to get over wasting my late teens/early twenties but that's not an easy thing to do. I only realised what it meant once it had gone. I think it's definitely too late now.

It's never too late to do something meaningful, until you're dead.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

You are so lucky to have had a carefree childhood, but sometimes in childhood kids are asked to take some responsibility to prepare for so much more responsibility. Did you clean your room, do some dishes, yard work. It just got a lot bigger, complicated, just difficult in many ways. I am old, I look back at my memories of my 20's-50's missing when times were so much easier for me. When you are old, life gets even more complicated.

Yes I would clean my own room, sometimes help doing dishes, helping with dinner like peeling potatoes, and then I would get a little extra money for doing yardward e.g. clean up leafs at the fall, shoveling snow in the winter (back when there actually was snow in winter in Denmark), and of course help pulling weeds up in the summer, we also grew vegetables my favorite was dicking up potatoes and me and my brothers would earn some money picking different kind of berries in the summer like red currants (we sold a lot of them) and they were fun to pick we also had a cherry three which we picked from and other berries.

Just writing about these things makes me miss doing them especially selling berries in the summer because it was fun picking them with my brothers and see all the cash we could earn ourselves and since we were kids it was a lot of extra money to get to buy candy, toys, etc.

So yeah I had some responsibilities as a child and as you said as you grow up the responsibilities of life just becomes way more complicated and difficult and it´s on a constant basis just to exist I am so exhausted from adult "life" I just want to either be a child again or just seize to exist and finally have peace, I also didn´t have any physical or mental problems in my childhood only that I am colorblind and had/still has grass allergies but that was it those things were easy enough to cope with.

 

[Cleopatra123]

I'm suicidal of being in this world. So much shit get flung to you. Too many sub humans, and violence. Aging, diseases, viruses is the cherry on top of this. I'm drowning as well.

You're so right about these times, it's so difficult. When I was your age, I was working, living with friends, taking my time off for a vacation, camping, traveling. Now I am really old, 70!, I have good memories, but I'm not sure that saying you are old in your twenties makes no sense to me, even though we are entering ages of world problems. You're too young to drown, a young healthy body, most; maybe it's time to give meaning to life by volunteering to help out some people who are desperate financially, physically and have lost everything.

 

[Theman]

I dont feel young anymore. People say to me i am young and have my whole life ahead of me .

I does not feel that way . Everday i feel like i am running out of time .
I am not where i am supposed to be.
By now i should be in the middle of a career, a relationship, my own appartment and more independant from my parents etc.

I turn 23 next month

I am so scared .

Everyday i feel like i am drowning, i feel like dont belong in this world.

Me too.Im 22 and I dread turning 30.I feel like I've not accomplished anything.

 

[Timetodie90]

I turn 30 in October. I want to ctb before then. I recently tried last week almost caught the bus. Ended up with Myocarditis due to my OD. Close but no cigar. I honestly can't see the point of continuing on in this physical wreck that is my prison of flesh, blood and bones. I have seen many people suffer and suffer. So yes I guess I am suicidal over aging. Love and peace to all.

 

[roor]

I remember being 21 and feeling soooo old and feeling defeated with the fleeting nature of youth. Then I remember feeling the youngest I had ever felt at 26-28. It's all relative. Time is constructed. The idea of not having achieved enough by a certain age comes from needless social comparisons. Everyone is on their own timeline and exactly where they need to be— even if it's the end for some of us. Success and wealth can have many definitions too. But many of the world's most conventionally successful people achieved what they have later in life.

 

[Starcitty]

I actually see ageing as a positive! I've accepted the fact that I'm suicidal so in a way it has helped me accept these things..

 

[Cleopatra123]

I remember being 21 and feeling soooo old and feeling defeated with the fleeting nature of youth. Then I remember feeling the youngest I had ever felt at 26-28. It's all relative. Time is constructed. The idea of not having achieved enough by a certain age comes from needless social comparisons. Everyone is on their own timeline and exactly where they need to be— even if it's the end for some of us. Success and wealth can have many definitions too. But many of the world's most conventionally successful people achieved what they have later in life.

I

Yes I would clean my own room, sometimes help doing dishes, helping with dinner like peeling potatoes, and then I would get a little extra money for doing yardward e.g. clean up leafs at the fall, shoveling snow in the winter (back when there actually was snow in winter in Denmark), and of course help pulling weeds up in the summer, we also grew vegetables my favorite was dicking up potatoes and me and my brothers would earn some money picking different kind of berries in the summer like red currants (we sold a lot of them) and they were fun to pick we also had a cherry three which we picked from and other berries.

Just writing about these things makes me miss doing them especially selling berries in the summer because it was fun picking them with my brothers and see all the cash we could earn ourselves and since we were kids it was a lot of extra money to get to buy candy, toys, etc.

So yeah I had some responsibilities as a child and as you said as you grow up the responsibilities of life just becomes way more complicated and difficult and it´s on a constant basis just to exist I am so exhausted from adult "life" I just want to either be a child again or just seize to exist and finally have peace, I also didn´t have any physical or mental problems in my childhood only that I am colorblind and had/still has grass allergies but that was it those things were easy enough to cope with.

A blessed childhood, and knowledge of responsibility. It's just harder, but you are more mature and should prepare yourself. The world has gotten a lot less pleasant than it was when I was your age, that much is really true. People are more greedy, self-centered, communication superficial and cyber space has disconnected people from real relations. Maybe you childhood was so good, you want to continue to be taken care of essentially, and the responsibilities of increasing hardships helps those feelings. I can only suggest trying to find within yourself something you find meaningful, as I said. I'm sure you have capabilities you are not focusing on. You want it easier, but it isn't and probably won't be so, as it has been in other times of history. Think of how difficult the Native Americans faced, those people who lived and died during the black plague; always in history were times of famine, plague, slavery, tyrants and debauchery. Then again, you may find some hidden talent or interest to intrigue you; the possibility of love; the possibility of accomplishing something, and I don't mean money, or that kind of success. Most success comes from within. Why don't you grow some berry bushes? Whatever you decide, I do understand that facing this dysfunctional world is so difficult, you'll just have to dig deep and see if you can find something that makes it meaningful, and fulfilling in some way, even if it's the hard way. Or else, it's your choice as to future or no future. I wish you the best, and hope you can grow into something that makes life worthwhile.

 

[omoidarui]

im in my 20s too and aging is my primary reason for wanting to die

i've noticed that even our post counts on this forum bare amusing but poignant similarities to the decline you'd associate with aging, i mean i was happy with my blue name early into my forum life, satisfied but less so with green, now im yellow and been on this forum a while and idk if i want to stick around for tht orange

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I

A blessed childhood, and knowledge of responsibility. It's just harder, but you are more mature and should prepare yourself. The world has gotten a lot less pleasant than it was when I was your age, that much is really true. People are more greedy, self-centered, communication superficial and cyber space has disconnected people from real relations. Maybe you childhood was so good, you want to continue to be taken care of essentially, and the responsibilities of increasing hardships helps those feelings. I can only suggest trying to find within yourself something you find meaningful, as I said. I'm sure you have capabilities you are not focusing on. You want it easier, but it isn't and probably won't be so, as it has been in other times of history. Think of how difficult the Native Americans faced, those people who lived and died during the black plague; always in history were times of famine, plague, slavery, tyrants and debauchery. Then again, you may find some hidden talent or interest to intrigue you; the possibility of love; the possibility of accomplishing something, and I don't mean money, or that kind of success. Most success comes from within. Why don't you grow some berry bushes? Whatever you decide, I do understand that facing this dysfunctional world is so difficult, you'll just have to dig deep and see if you can find something that makes it meaningful, and fulfilling in some way, even if it's the hard way. Or else, it's your choice as to future or no future. I wish you the best, and hope you can grow into something that makes life worthwhile.

There is so much to answer here that it would take pages to answer so to answer a few first of all I got aspergers so I feel everyone I used to know my brothers included are so mature they have educations and jobs and are living adult lives and dozens of people I used to know now have children which scares the shit out of me since I wanna be a child myself so bad especially when I think of a memory of a girl I went to kindergarten with when I was like 4-5 years old and now she has a child of her own my point is I am not ready to grow up I got Peter Pan Syndrome I suppose so because of that and my aspergers I still somewhat feel like a teenager at least more than I feel like an adult.

And I suffer from a dozen physical and mental problems too many to list so when you say "find something you like" I can´t because of extreme apathy and anhedonia I can´t feel any emotions like happiness, sadness or excitement and because of my aspergers I can´t try new things independently not even something as simple as going to the movies, the mall or travel even when I had my own car the stress and anxiety from driving into big cities to go to the movies or mall would ruin it all for me, I loved driving it was so relaxing but not in big cities. I suppose in my childhood I didn´t have to face this average trouble of getting from A to B because either my parents, friends parents or my big sister would take care of transportation and I could follow them around till I got to where I wanted, and in my teen years I had a scooter but again like with the car I don´t mind going on drives I am familiar with.

So anyways I as you can see I can´t try new things and even video games bores me I even tried playing some "new" ones to see if it would peak my interest but everything in life is boring I see life as a drug since our happiness, excitement etc. is just happy chemicals in our bodies so as an example eating candy or junk food like Mc Donalds or a pizza at 8 years old would be so amazing because it was a relative new experience for your body where now at almost 26 I have tasted these foods so many times it´s not exciting the same with movies, series and even video games because there is nothing really new about any of them it´s just the same experience or same sort of experience as I have experienced before e.g shooting games, when I played my first FPS (first person shooter) Medal of Honor Allied Assault or the first Call of Duty games it was a new experience that was so fun and immersive now almost 20 years later it´s still technically the same games FPS games that is they just have better graphics but the objective and mechanics are the same and for movies they are all so predictable where as a child I would be amazed at what the outcome of a movie would be e.g. watching the first Harry Potter movie I didn´t know who would live or die but as an adult we know that in certain movies the hero will prevail especially Disney movies I still love them even the newer ones but if a main character "dies" you know in a moment some miracle will save them we didn´t know that as a child I feel like I have lived a full life like an open world video game where I have completed it 100% and am just stuck in the game e.g. like completing GTA V after a while it gets boring and repetitive so go about doing the same things over and over and we stop playing because it got too boring I just need to exit life since I have lived the best childhood ever and exciting teenage years there are nothing more for me further more my physical and mental problems makes every day a living nightmare.

And I hope to attempt suicide tonight since I have gone over it over and over for the last 2 years also on paper and there are no future for me as stated above I can´t even do the most simpel things like going to the movies or restaurants I have no friends and have a throat problem (my worst problem) so I have lost all my friends and can´t work and don´t want to work either since last I tried I went down with depression after only 1½ month because already after 1-2 weeks I realized I would have to do this job 10 hours a day 5 days a week for the rest of my life so nope that alone would be reason enough to wanna kill myself, I could go on and on including about my back injury in the middle of my spine so I can´t workout not even run without it hurting so anyways I will stop the post here and since it´s so long I doubt you or anyone will read it anyway but at least I got to vent maybe for the last time.

 

[Naysha]

I am 25 and the life ahead of you will be basically just slowly decaying and getting even older. Sometimes I regret I didn't die around teen years.

 

[Cleopatra123]

There is so much to answer here that it would take pages to answer so to answer a few first of all I got aspergers so I feel everyone I used to know my brothers included are so mature they have educations and jobs and are living adult lives and dozens of people I used to know now have children which scares the shit out of me since I wanna be a child myself so bad especially when I think of a memory of a girl I went to kindergarten with when I was like 4-5 years old and now she has a child of her own my point is I am not

There is so much to answer here that it would take pages to answer so to answer a few first of all I got aspergers so I feel everyone I used to know my brothers included are so mature they have educations and jobs and are living adult lives and dozens of people I used to know now have children which scares the shit out of me since I wanna be a child myself so bad especially when I think of a memory of a girl I went to kindergarten with when I was like 4-5 years old and now she has a child of her own my point is I am not ready to grow up I got Peter Pan Syndrome I suppose so because of that and my aspergers I still somewhat feel like a teenager at least more than I feel like an adult.

And I suffer from a dozen physical and mental problems too many to list so when you say "find something you like" I can´t because of extreme apathy and anhedonia I can´t feel any emotions like happiness, sadness or excitement and because of my aspergers I can´t try new things independently not even something as simple as going to the movies, the mall or travel even when I had my own car the stress and anxiety from driving into big cities to go to the movies or mall would ruin it all for me, I loved driving it was so relaxing but not in big cities. I suppose in my childhood I didn´t have to face this average trouble of getting from A to B because either my parents, friends parents or my big sister would take care of transportation and I could follow them around till I got to where I wanted, and in my teen years I had a scooter but again like with the car I don´t mind going on drives I am familiar with.

So anyways I as you can see I can´t try new things and even video games bores me I even tried playing some "new" ones to see if it would peak my interest but everything in life is boring I see life as a drug since our happiness, excitement etc. is just happy chemicals in our bodies so as an example eating candy or junk food like Mc Donalds or a pizza at 8 years old would be so amazing because it was a relative new experience for your body where now at almost 26 I have tasted these foods so many times it´s not exciting the same with movies, series and even video games because there is nothing really new about any of them it´s just the same experience or same sort of experience as I have experienced before e.g shooting games, when I played my first FPS (first person shooter) Medal of Honor Allied Assault or the first Call of Duty games it was a new experience that was so fun and immersive now almost 20 years later it´s still technically the same games FPS games that is they just have better graphics but the objective and mechanics are the same and for movies they are all so predictable where as a child I would be amazed at what the outcome of a movie would be e.g. watching the first Harry Potter movie I didn´t know who would live or die but as an adult we know that in certain movies the hero will prevail especially Disney movies I still love them even the newer ones but if a main character "dies" you know in a moment some miracle will save them we didn´t know that as a child I feel like I have lived a full life like an open world video game where I have completed it 100% and am just stuck in the game e.g. like completing GTA V after a while it gets boring and repetitive so go about doing the same things over and over and we stop playing because it got too boring I just need to exit life since I have lived the best childhood ever and exciting teenage years there are nothing more for me further more my physical and mental problems makes every day a living nightmare.

And I hope to attempt suicide tonight since I have gone over it over and over for the last 2 years also on paper and there are no future for me as stated above I can´t even do the most simpel things like going to the movies or restaurants I have no friends and have a throat problem (my worst problem) so I have lost all my friends and can´t work and don´t want to work either since last I tried I went down with depression after only 1½ month because already after 1-2 weeks I realized I would have to do this job 10 hours a day 5 days a week for the rest of my life so nope that alone would be reason enough to wanna kill myself, I could go on and on including about my back injury in the middle of my spine so I can´t workout not even run without it hurting so anyways I will stop the post here and since it´s so long I doubt you or anyone will read it anyway but at least I got to vent maybe for the last time.

There is so much to answer here that it would take pages to answer so to answer a few first of all I got aspergers so I feel everyone I used to know my brothers included are so mature they have educations and jobs and are living adult lives and dozens of people I used to know now have children which scares the shit out of me since I wanna be a child myself so bad especially when I think of a memory of a girl I went to kindergarten with when I was like 4-5 years old and now she has a child of her own my point is I am not ready to grow up I got Peter Pan Syndrome I suppose so because of that and my aspergers I still somewhat feel like a teenager at least more than I feel like an adult.

And I suffer from a dozen physical and mental problems too many to list so when you say "find something you like" I can´t because of extreme apathy and anhedonia I can´t feel any emotions like happiness, sadness or excitement and because of my aspergers I can´t try new things independently not even something as simple as going to the movies, the mall or travel even when I had my own car the stress and anxiety from driving into big cities to go to the movies or mall would ruin it all for me, I loved driving it was so relaxing but not in big cities. I suppose in my childhood I didn´t have to face this average trouble of getting from A to B because either my parents, friends parents or my big sister would take care of transportation and I could follow them around till I got to where I wanted, and in my teen years I had a scooter but again like with the car I don´t mind going on drives I am familiar with.

So anyways I as you can see I can´t try new things and even video games bores me I even tried playing some "new" ones to see if it would peak my interest but everything in life is boring I see life as a drug since our happiness, excitement etc. is just happy chemicals in our bodies so as an example eating candy or junk food like Mc Donalds or a pizza at 8 years old would be so amazing because it was a relative new experience for your body where now at almost 26 I have tasted these foods so many times it´s not exciting the same with movies, series and even video games because there is nothing really new about any of them it´s just the same experience or same sort of experience as I have experienced before e.g shooting games, when I played my first FPS (first person shooter) Medal of Honor Allied Assault or the first Call of Duty games it was a new experience that was so fun and immersive now almost 20 years later it´s still technically the same games FPS games that is they just have better graphics but the objective and mechanics are the same and for movies they are all so predictable where as a child I would be amazed at what the outcome of a movie would be e.g. watching the first Harry Potter movie I didn´t know who would live or die but as an adult we know that in certain movies the hero will prevail especially Disney movies I still love them even the newer ones but if a main character "dies" you know in a moment some miracle will save them we didn´t know that as a child I feel like I have lived a full life like an open world video game where I have completed it 100% and am just stuck in the game e.g. like completing GTA V after a while it gets boring and repetitive so go about doing the same things over and over and we stop playing because it got too boring I just need to exit life since I have lived the best childhood ever and exciting teenage years there are nothing more for me further more my physical and mental problems makes every day a living nightmare.

And I hope to attempt suicide tonight since I have gone over it over and over for the last 2 years also on paper and there are no future for me as stated above I can´t even do the most simpel things like going to the movies or restaurants I have no friends and have a throat problem (my worst problem) so I have lost all my friends and can´t work and don´t want to work either since last I tried I went down with depression after only 1½ month because already after 1-2 weeks I realized I would have to do this job 10 hours a day 5 days a week for the rest of my life so nope that alone would be reason enough to wanna kill myself, I could go on and on including about my back injury in the middle of my spine so I can´t workout not even run without it hurting so anyways I will stop the post here and since it´s so long I doubt you or anyone will read it anyway but at least I got to vent maybe for the last time.

ready to grow up I got Peter Pan Syndrome I suppose so because of that and my aspergers I still somewhat feel like a teenager at least more than I feel like an adult.

And I suffer from a dozen physical and mental problems too many to list so when you say "find something you like" I can´t because of extreme apathy and anhedonia I can´t feel any emotions like happiness, sadness or excitement and because of my aspergers I can´t try new things independently not even something as simple as going to the movies, the mall or travel even when I had my own car the stress and anxiety from driving into big cities to go to the movies or mall would ruin it all for me, I loved driving it was so relaxing but not in big cities. I suppose in my childhood I didn´t have to face this average trouble of getting from A to B because either my parents, friends parents or my big sister would take care of transportation and I could follow them around till I got to where I wanted, and in my teen years I had a scooter but again like with the car I don´t mind going on drives I am familiar with.

So anyways I as you can see I can´t try new things and even video games bores me I even tried playing some "new" ones to see if it would peak my interest but everything in life is boring I see life as a drug since our happiness, excitement etc. is just happy chemicals in our bodies so as an example eating candy or junk food like Mc Donalds or a pizza at 8 years old would be so amazing because it was a relative new experience for your body where now at almost 26 I have tasted these foods so many times it´s not exciting the same with movies, series and even video games because there is nothing really new about any of them it´s just the same experience or same sort of experience as I have experienced before e.g shooting games, when I played my first FPS (first person shooter) Medal of Honor Allied Assault or the first Call of Duty games it was a new experience that was so fun and immersive now almost 20 years later it´s still technically the same games FPS games that is they just have better graphics but the objective and mechanics are the same and for movies they are all so predictable where as a child I would be amazed at what the outcome of a movie would be e.g. watching the first Harry Potter movie I didn´t know who would live or die but as an adult we know that in certain movies the hero will prevail especially Disney movies I still love them even the newer ones but if a main character "dies" you know in a moment some miracle will save them we didn´t know that as a child I feel like I have lived a full life like an open world video game where I have completed it 100% and am just stuck in the game e.g. like completing GTA V after a while it gets boring and repetitive so go about doing the same things over and over and we stop playing because it got too boring I just need to exit life since I have lived the best childhood ever and exciting teenage years there are nothing more for me further more my physical and mental problems makes every day a living nightmare.

And I hope to attempt suicide tonight since I have gone over it over and over for the last 2 years also on paper and there are no future for me as stated above I can´t even do the most simpel things like going to the movies or restaurants I have no friends and have a throat problem (my worst problem) so I have lost all my friends and can´t work and don´t want to work either since last I tried I went down with depression after only 1½ month because already after 1-2 weeks I realized I would have to do this job 10 hours a day 5 days a week for the rest of my life so nope that alone would be reason enough to wanna kill myself, I could go on and on including about my back injury in the middle of my spine so I can´t workout not even run without it hurting so anyways I will stop the post here and since it´s so long I doubt you or anyone will read it anyway but at least I got to vent maybe for the last time.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Asbergers is very difficult. Have you ever had therapy, or gone to a group home. I knew a young man who got help in a group home, and friends. But, I see you have many complications and I'm very sorry. My son, whom I love with everything I've got, has schizophrenia, his poor life has been a nightmare, much of which he doesn't remember, he's lost everything, children, everything. But, the illness results in loss of memory, and though I remember every detail because I was there, and I hope he can't remember all the horrors he's been through. So, I do understand. If trying some services, they do exist, for asbergers is not in your future, and you are determined, please make sure that if you do try, you do not hurt yourself, or cause yourself more harm. I've been studying how to cbt reliably and safely, and found it is NOT as easy as I thought. Please take care, and write me anytime you wish.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Asbergers is very difficult. Have you ever had therapy, or gone to a group home. I knew a young man who got help in a group home, and friends. But, I see you have many complications and I'm very sorry. My son, whom I love with everything I've got, has schizophrenia, his poor life has been a nightmare, much of which he doesn't remember, he's lost everything, children, everything. But, the illness results in loss of memory, and though I remember every detail because I was there, and I hope he can't remember all the horrors he's been through. So, I do understand. If trying some services, they do exist, for asbergers is not in your future, and you are determined, please make sure that if you do try, you do not hurt yourself, or cause yourself more harm. I've been studying how to cbt reliably and safely, and found it is NOT as easy as I thought. Please take care, and write me anytime you wish.

I have done plenty of research but if I go tonight it will be gunshot to the temple with a 9mm pistol which I have several pictures and videos of and it will be in a secluded place in the middle of the night so no chance to "save" me. And as you can see since I mentioned a firearm that is why I can´t say to much to psychiatrists because then my guns will be taken away and after reading on this forum for over 1½ years about how much people struggle with other methods I won´t give up my guns especially when even if I could cure my mental problems through therapy I still have my chronic physical ones that only get worse year by year.

But right now I am trying to motivate myself to ctb by watching childhood pictures and videos which I have done for a couple hours now I just keep thinking if there is another way to avoid this which I have been writing and talking about in private videos for a couple years I just watched a 40 minute video I recorded in April 2019 where I explain all my problems and my "life" is still the same or almost now it has gotten even worse so this is not spontaneous I have researched many methods and watched videos about people using those methods to ctb and gone over again and again if I could just keep on existing till my parents die so they won´t ruin their lives but I can´t go on suffering for the next maybe 20+ years that would also be horrible for them to see how badly I have failed through all my life and agonizing for me to see myself grow old since I wanna be a child again so badly.

 

[Cleopatra123]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Asbergers is very difficult. Have you ever had therapy, or gone to a group home. I knew a young man who got help in a group home, and friends. But, I see you have many complications and I'm very sorry. My son, whom I love with everything I've got, has schizophrenia, his poor life has been a nightmare, much of which he doesn't remember, he's lost everything, children, everything. But, the illness results in loss of memory, and though I remember every detail because I was there, and I hope he can't remember all the horrors he's been through. So, I do understand. If trying some services, they do exist, for asbergers is not in your future, and you are determined, please make sure that if you do try, you do not hurt yourself, or cause yourself more harm. I've been studying how to cbt reliably and safely, and found it is NOT as easy as I thought. Please take care, and write me anytime you wish.

I have done plenty of research but if I go tonight it will be gunshot to the temple with a 9mm pistol which I have several pictures and videos of and it will be in a secluded place in the middle of the night so no chance to "save" me. And as you can see since I mentioned a firearm that is why I can´t say to much to psychiatrists because then my guns will be taken away and after reading on this forum for over 1½ years about how much people struggle with other methods I won´t give up my guns especially when even if I could cure my mental problems through therapy I still have my chronic physical ones that only get worse year by year.

But right now I am trying to motivate myself to ctb by watching childhood pictures and videos which I have done for a couple hours now I just keep thinking if there is another way to avoid this which I have been writing and talking about in private videos for a couple years I just watched a 40 minute video I recorded in April 2019 where I explain all my problems and my "life" is still the same or almost now it has gotten even worse so this is not spontaneous I have researched many methods and watched videos about people using those methods to ctb and gone over again and again if I could just keep on existing till my parents die so they won´t ruin their lives but I can´t go on suffering for the next maybe 20+ years that would also be horrible for them to see how badly I have failed through all my life and agonizing for me to see myself grow old since I wanna be a child again so badly.

I'm so sorry, if you do this I hope you have looked at the directions for the best method. I was a nurse, and it's so sad to know this may happen to you, but I do understand, all my love to you, I see how frustrated you are, I am old and have many physical complications, so I know at this late stage what it is to feel when life is not viable. I do wish so deeply that you could find some help. Leaving you with love. Cleo

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I'm so sorry, if you do this I hope you have looked at the directions for the best method. I was a nurse, and it's so sad to know this may happen to you, but I do understand, all my love to you, I see how frustrated you are, I am old and have many physical complications, so I know at this late stage what it is to feel when life is not viable. I do wish so deeply that you could find some help. Leaving you with love. Cleo

It also makes it all worse that my physical problems started before age 20 my throat problem have I always had but as a child I obviously didn´t have to eat as much and just thought I ate slowly and as a teenager it started to become a real nuisance especially when I started to bodybuild because then I needed to eat even more and to give you an idea it takes me 20 minutes to eat a Mc Donalds Cheeseburger or 15 minutes for a piece of bread.

Anyways it´s 4:12am where I am now so I think I should attempt soon.

 

[scorchedearth]

Yea I feel similarly. I'm pretty young, and I know it, but it feels like I'm running out of time. I don't know if I can pull my head out of my arse before it's too late. The days go by so fast, and it frightens me deeply