Venting Such multi-layered problems you were never able to explain them

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

The core issue of my life is that so many things are deeply problematic for me - so much so that normal, ordinary functioning was never on the cards.

So when my parents still don't understand why I'm not out working 40 hours per week, I know I'm screwed, because I can't fully explain the multi-layered nature of my issues.

In my teens, I developed social anxiety. It evolved into a lifelong fear of work/being around people. I have been avoidant my entire adult life as a result of it, with no friendships or network outside of my direct family and gf. To add insult to injury, I came down with an invisible illness at age 30 that still hasn't registered with my family. I am lightheaded, brain fogged and fatigued 24/7. And even those closest to me still don't "get it". They can't comprehend that so many things can be wrong with me, and whatever I say just sounds like utter bullshit at this point. You start to lose "believability" after some time. Your goodwill and credit within your family is spent.

The bottom line is that everyday people with no significant issues can't possibly understand the complexity of all this. I'm shafted in everything I do. I constantly make excuses for myself and hide myself away because I'm unable to push through and beat these problems. And I'm so tired of feeling like everything I do needs hiding or explaining in some way.

As you might expect, this lack of functioning normally has led to the mother of all depressions, which in and of itself has crippled me. It's like the ultimate twist of the knife.

I wonder if others here face such things - problem on top of problem to where you're unable to explain them to others. And even if you could, there'd be an overwhelming chance none of it would properly sink in to your circle of people.

 

[GentleJerk]

To put it simply, yeah I do have this problem too. But you explained it a lot better than I could.

For what it's worth I understand what that's like and I do the same things to cope. Trying to explain the difficulties that contribute to why I'm often such a failure on so many levels, in order to help others understand, becomes a part of the issue itself and it goes around in circles.

I have one friend who is roughly about as fucked as I am, and it's a solace because halfway through trying to explain shit to him, I can always tell that he already gets it, and I don't really need to say anything more, but he still lets me try. If it wasn't for him I'd feel completely alone dealing with this shit every day.

 

[CTBgenuine]

The core issue of my life is that so many things are deeply problematic for me - so much so that normal, ordinary functioning was never on the cards.

So when my parents still don't understand why I'm not out working 40 hours per week, I know I'm screwed, because I can't fully explain the multi-layered nature of my issues.

In my teens, I developed social anxiety. It evolved into a lifelong fear of work/being around people. I have been avoidant my entire adult life as a result of it, with no friendships or network outside of my direct family and gf. To add insult to injury, I came down with an invisible illness at age 30 that still hasn't registered with my family. I am lightheaded, brain fogged and fatigued 24/7. And even those closest to me still don't "get it". They can't comprehend that so many things can be wrong with me, and whatever I say just sounds like utter bullshit at this point. You start to lose "believability" after some time. Your goodwill and credit within your family is spent.

The bottom line is that everyday people with no significant issues can't possibly understand the complexity of all this. I'm shafted in everything I do. I constantly make excuses for myself and hide myself away because I'm unable to push through and beat these problems. And I'm so tired of feeling like everything I do needs hiding or explaining in some way.

As you might expect, this lack of functioning normally has led to the mother of all depressions, which in and of itself has crippled me. It's like the ultimate twist of the knife.

I wonder if others here face such things - problem on top of problem to where you're unable to explain them to others. And even if you could, there'd be an overwhelming chance none of it would properly sink in to your circle of people.

The "Invisible illness" sounds like 'Chronic fatigue syndrome'. Talk to your Dr about this because their are medications and therapies for this

 

[whatevs]

Having this sort of disease will invariably mean that always, ALWAYS, even after many years and promises of empathy and understanding, of seeing how crippled you really are, your close(d?) ones will still casually suggest that you travel the world, that you pick up this course, that you go and find work in the UK, hell, even that you go the shrink which I´m becoming increasingly unable to do withoyut forgetting the (useless) appointments.

It´s only natural. Energy and a clear mind is as invisible to them as air is to all of us: they have a normal supply from the moment they wake up in the morning. It´s only in lacking that we notice the presence of that which 'was always there'.

For me, as for you and many others, it has always been an added injury that on top of my miserable existence I have to withstand either oftentimes insulting patronizing or the absolute inability to understand that I am not choosing this life in any way, shape or form. That I am imposed this as much as the guy in a wheelchair.

I think the epitome of the lack of empathy and understanding appeared when I was still going out with my teenage friends, and one friend of them jokingly suggested that I should cut my dick off as I was a virgin at 20 years old. Of course, that piece of shit didn´t know that I had daily pelvic pain at that time (this is part of my chronic illness package, now 'only' being complete ejaculatory anorgasmia and erectile dysfunction). And yeah, I should have beaten his ass, but I was taken aback by the casual malevolence of the blow.

The "Invisible illness" sounds like 'Chronic fatigue syndrome'. Talk to your Dr about this because their are medications and therapies for this

Not really. I don´t know why you think there are.

 

[CTBgenuine]

Having this sort of disease will invariably mean that always, ALWAYS, even after many years and promises of empathy and understanding, of seeing how crippled you really are, your close(d?) ones will still casually suggest that you travel the world, that you pick up this course, that you go and find work in the UK, hell, even that you go the shrink which I´m becoming increasingly unable to do withoyut forgetting the (useless) appointments.

It´s only natural. Energy and a clear mind is as invisible to them as air is to all of us: they have a normal supply from the moment they wake up in the morning. It´s only in lacking that we notice the presence of that which 'was always there'.

For me, as for you and many others, it has always been an added injury that on top of my miserable existence I have to withstand either oftentimes insulting patronizing or the absolute inability to understand that I am not choosing this life in any way, shape or form. That I am imposed this as much as the guy in a wheelchair.

I think the epitome of the lack of empathy and understanding appeared when I was still going out with my teenage friends, and one friend of them jokingly suggested that I should cut my dick off as I was a virgin at 20 years old. Of course, that piece of shit didn´t know that I had daily pelvic pain at that time (this is part of my chronic illness package, now 'only' being complete ejaculatory anorgasmia and erectile dysfunction). And yeah, I should have beaten his ass, but I was taken aback by the casual malevolence of the blow.

Not really. I don´t know why you think there are.

My sister has this and meds were prescribed to alleviate symptoms, with a recommendation of good diet and exercise and its eases this for her when she stays on track. Obviously, it's not a cure.

 

[whatevs]

My sister has this and meds were prescribed to alleviate symptoms, with a recommendation of good diet and exercise and its eases this for her when she stays on track. Obviously, it's not a cure.

Not gonna invalidate your contribution, I´m happy for your sister and that some people can improve with treatment. It´s just that I haven´t seen a whole lot of that in the CFS forums I was part of for some time, for example. Nor in my personal experience either...

 

[Marine]

The core issue of my life is that so many things are deeply problematic for me - so much so that normal, ordinary functioning was never on the cards.

So when my parents still don't understand why I'm not out working 40 hours per week, I know I'm screwed, because I can't fully explain the multi-layered nature of my issues.

In my teens, I developed social anxiety. It evolved into a lifelong fear of work/being around people. I have been avoidant my entire adult life as a result of it, with no friendships or network outside of my direct family and gf. To add insult to injury, I came down with an invisible illness at age 30 that still hasn't registered with my family. I am lightheaded, brain fogged and fatigued 24/7. And even those closest to me still don't "get it". They can't comprehend that so many things can be wrong with me, and whatever I say just sounds like utter bullshit at this point. You start to lose "believability" after some time. Your goodwill and credit within your family is spent.

The bottom line is that everyday people with no significant issues can't possibly understand the complexity of all this. I'm shafted in everything I do. I constantly make excuses for myself and hide myself away because I'm unable to push through and beat these problems. And I'm so tired of feeling like everything I do needs hiding or explaining in some way.

As you might expect, this lack of functioning normally has led to the mother of all depressions, which in and of itself has crippled me. It's like the ultimate twist of the knife.

I wonder if others here face such things - problem on top of problem to where you're unable to explain them to others. And even if you could, there'd be an overwhelming chance none of it would properly sink in to your circle of people.

Many of these sound like symptoms of trauma / depression / your fundamental needs being unmet and that often piles one thing on top of another if left unchecked for too long. There must certainly be a source all your suffering originates from.

I know in my case all of my issues are linked to trauma (especially the most recent one) and one medication I was on for a while (also as a result of trauma in the end) that caused a lot of physical damage and makes my life almost impossible, yet doctors and therapists don't seem to get it at all because trauma is yet not well understood and my issue with the medication is a rare case.

I firmly believe that no one should be doomed by this, I refuse to be anyway, and that there must be ways to fix that, but it may require to go to more holistic / natural therapists until you find one competent enough.

Competent specialists might be helpful in some cases as well for some procedures.

Many of my symptoms get quickly alleviated or even disappear when I get closer to meeting my needs (relational, environmental, in terms of activity, support and belonging) and my main issue is meeting them.

So it's no entirely nonsensical to advise someone to take on a new activity or change their environment or habits because in some cases in can lead to improvement but you usually have to force yourself at first even if you don't see how it could help, so it's not easy.

I especially struggle with relational and existential (loss of hope due endless abuse, plus physical damage and my age) despair and zombification as a result, but also with rage at my abusers and hopeless circumstances.

I can find some hope and energy when I have something to look forward to but I struggle to find anything in the shambles left by the plandemic and all the betrayals so I feel you.

I feel like I need help with every issue I'm facing basically, which I feel is more than reasonable, if only because I don't have all the knowledge or means to fix everything, and I wish I could give this hell to every f**ed up moron who says we create our own reality and that only we can save ourselves alone in a vacuum without any vital human interaction.

So I don't know if this can be helpful to you at all but at this point your family should trust what you say inconditionally if they're a real family, I don't think you owe them any more explanation. If this is how it is, just say so, you don't need to justify at length the reality of what you're feeling and going through.

 

[CTBgenuine]

Not gonna invalidate your contribution, I´m happy for your sister and that some people can improve with treatment. It´s just that I haven´t seen a whole lot of that in the CFS forums I was part of for some time, for example. Nor in my personal experience either...

I didn't say it improves because it's chronic. I said it can alleviate symptoms... Idk where you got that from but whatever. Idc really anyway, I was contributing a could be diagnosis for the "invisible illness". That was my contribution!

 

[whatevs]

I didn't say it improves because it's chronic. I said it can alleviate symptoms... Idk where you got that from but whatever. Idc really anyway, I was contributing a could be diagnosis for the "invisible illness". That was my contribution!

Alleviation and improvement are the same thing. I tried to be conciliatory in my second post, perhaps it didn't come through. I acknowledged that it might be possible to feel better with this disease doing the right things.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I know I'm screwed, because I can't fully explain the multi-layered nature of my issues.

So don't. Stop wasting your breath. You're absolutely right that people are not going to understand. Don't humor them anymore when they ask you these questions. If it makes them feel better to judge you or even abandon you, let them. They aren't going to walk a mile in your shoes, so any discussion is pointless.

Put what little energy you have left to something meaningful.

 

[CTBgenuine]

Alleviation and improvement are the same thing. I tried to be conciliatory in my second post, perhaps it didn't come through. I acknowledged that it might be possible to feel better with this disease doing the right things.

Good, so you agree with me.

 

[whatevs]

Good, so you agree with me.

Shit, what else could I want to believe other than that my invisible illness can improve in some way?

 

[CTBgenuine]

Shit, what else could I want that to believe other than that my invisible illness can improve in some way?

You could want me to tell you the symptoms can be alleviated, so I obliged . You're welcome!

 

[whatevs]

You could want me to tell you the symptoms can be alleviated, so I obliged . You're welcome!

And you have such a lovely lady in your profile pic too.

 

[CTBgenuine]

And you have such a lovely lady in your profile pic too.

Aileen Wuornos is an icon! A legend! A soul sister! She's the Queen bee and I love her
(and yes I noticed the sacrcasm but you're forgiven)

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

From all the times we've spoken, I can tell that you're suffering a lot, and it's such a goddamned shame that you're losing even more crucial support from family due to their unwillingness to believe how bad things are for you.

Public opinion about CFS really needs to change, as this condition and the associated cluster of symptoms has never receieved even a miniscule fraction of the total research funding that is allocated charitably to other diseases.

There's really only one guy, Ron Davis, who truly invests his time and money into understanding it, and the only reason he does this is because his son is THE example of severe CFS and can't even move out of his bed or feed himself.

It's horrible to me that believability wanes over time with the people you care about. They should be your best allies and your advocates, and right now, they're doing the complete opposite for you. Unfortunately, I think many people's minds are wired towards everything being a temporary problem, or a binary outcome. You either get better, survive, and thrive, or you succumb to illness and become terminal.

Most people cannot see the shades of grey in between this, or won't acknowledge that there are serious gaps in scientific knowledge about chronic illnesses, hence why many things cannot be treated, or in our case, even managed at all. Or they act like we somehow enjoy being incapacitated?

A lot of the help that's available for CFS comes from other people in the community turning themselves into lab rats, and when you can't work and rely on someone else, you can't really afford to be dropping 1000s of dollars on supplement cocktails and experimental drugs.

Energy is our most precious asset, besides time, and I don't think people understand how it feels to be a complete walking zombie whose body is expending the bare minimum to survive and not much else. Understandably, it drains the joy from anything when the fog makes it impossible to concentrate or feel immersed.

As always, I hope you'll get to have a good day soon, and won't have to push and push with no respite. I wish that your family would cut the shit out and be more like a family too.