goneangels
alchemist
- Apr 1, 2025
- 19
Hi. I'm new here, but to sum my situation up, I'm not technically trying to CTB but I have severe OCD and my obsessions/compulsions pretty much all involve doing that (or self harm). Lately my OCD has been super into poison and so I have been experimenting a bit with amygdalin. I thought sharing my experiences could be informative to anyone considering this as a method.
On Friday (3/28) I first took 3 bitter apricot kernels (I am not sure if I'm allowed to list the brand, but if I can let me know and I'll edit it in, I mean these are easy to buy online.) After 45 minutes I had a mild headache, which resolved by 1.25 hours. I took 5 more kernels at this point, with similar results. I took 8 more kernels after 1 hour from the 5. I took another 15 an hour after the 8 as I felt no effects. No effects. I took another 30 2 hours later. I felt nothing but a headache, but due to the foul taste I didn't chew them very well and I believe this may have contributed.
Online sources purported 50+ seeds could be lethal. But 30 at once (60 total) Friday produced no serious illness so Saturday (3/29) I took 50 with kimchi (contains beta glucosidases which can help break amygdalin into cyanide) in case I am deficient in the enzyme. I chewed very thoroughly. 44 minutes after ingestion I developed a shooting headache, not that bad (maybe 3 or 4/10) and nausea, at which point I vomited. I do not mind vomiting so this was fine. I believe if I had taken an antiemetic the effects may have been enhanced, as I had a headache (mild) the rest of the day and was disoriented for about an hour but otherwise was okay.
Yesterday morning (3/31) I did experience additional symptoms consistent with cyanide poisoning -- disorientation, diarrhea, and crampy stomach pain. This was worse than the initial pain. I believe this was my body clearing out the seeds I ingested but did not throw up on Friday. After my body was, uh, finished, I felt okay but very weak and tired for ~4 hours. My blood pressure was low throughout both this event and Saturday but not dangerously so.
I think the seeds commercially available and sold as health foods must be relatively low in cyanide content, as I would likely need about double the amount I took (and to keep it down) to actually CTB with this method. Effects of cyanide poisoning from amygdalin are delayed compared to with pure cyanide. I consistently felt symptoms 30-60 minutes after ingestion. 50 seeds is not a lot. A handful, really. However I would also say this likely would not be super quick or painless. I have a relatively high pain tolerance and do not mind GI upset. I think that I also experienced a very mild intoxication. I believe a lethal intoxication would be less pleasant. I want to try a more severe intoxication so I can more accurately rate the shortness of breath and neuro symptoms into the discomfort but I need to wait until after a certain date so that if I accidentally CTB or end up in hospital... yeah.
On Friday (3/28) I first took 3 bitter apricot kernels (I am not sure if I'm allowed to list the brand, but if I can let me know and I'll edit it in, I mean these are easy to buy online.) After 45 minutes I had a mild headache, which resolved by 1.25 hours. I took 5 more kernels at this point, with similar results. I took 8 more kernels after 1 hour from the 5. I took another 15 an hour after the 8 as I felt no effects. No effects. I took another 30 2 hours later. I felt nothing but a headache, but due to the foul taste I didn't chew them very well and I believe this may have contributed.
Online sources purported 50+ seeds could be lethal. But 30 at once (60 total) Friday produced no serious illness so Saturday (3/29) I took 50 with kimchi (contains beta glucosidases which can help break amygdalin into cyanide) in case I am deficient in the enzyme. I chewed very thoroughly. 44 minutes after ingestion I developed a shooting headache, not that bad (maybe 3 or 4/10) and nausea, at which point I vomited. I do not mind vomiting so this was fine. I believe if I had taken an antiemetic the effects may have been enhanced, as I had a headache (mild) the rest of the day and was disoriented for about an hour but otherwise was okay.
Yesterday morning (3/31) I did experience additional symptoms consistent with cyanide poisoning -- disorientation, diarrhea, and crampy stomach pain. This was worse than the initial pain. I believe this was my body clearing out the seeds I ingested but did not throw up on Friday. After my body was, uh, finished, I felt okay but very weak and tired for ~4 hours. My blood pressure was low throughout both this event and Saturday but not dangerously so.
I think the seeds commercially available and sold as health foods must be relatively low in cyanide content, as I would likely need about double the amount I took (and to keep it down) to actually CTB with this method. Effects of cyanide poisoning from amygdalin are delayed compared to with pure cyanide. I consistently felt symptoms 30-60 minutes after ingestion. 50 seeds is not a lot. A handful, really. However I would also say this likely would not be super quick or painless. I have a relatively high pain tolerance and do not mind GI upset. I think that I also experienced a very mild intoxication. I believe a lethal intoxication would be less pleasant. I want to try a more severe intoxication so I can more accurately rate the shortness of breath and neuro symptoms into the discomfort but I need to wait until after a certain date so that if I accidentally CTB or end up in hospital... yeah.
