SoulWhisperer
Careless Soul « MtF »
- Nov 13, 2023
- 206
I'll start by saying that games are my life, I am a social inept and have no friends, no girlfriend no best friend and no relationships at all. Everything I have is online and I gave up on anything social for the most part, wasn't made for it. Everyone hurts me to the point I wanted to CTB and my life is no different if not the main cause.
With that in mind, I finally was/am about to reach a dream of mine in a game that I've been trying to obtain since 4 years. It's my time to shine, right? Well, not actually, because I have a time limit on this for it to become true and COINCIDENTALLY I am out of town for 80% of the thing leaving me with a measly UNSURE 48h to fulfill my dream. I don't give a shit about anything I just want to fulfil my stupid goofy dreams because online shit are the only thing keeping me from going literally insane and beating the shit out of anyone that looks at me due to how unhappy I am with my miserable existence.
This goal of mine is something relatively easy to achieve, especially for someone with a brain, like me. However my family is the main obstacle preventing me from doing anything, insulting and abusing me and saying they have, quote on quite "complete control" on all my life aspects for as long as I'll live with them.
By itself my household is the whole reason why I want to CTB in the first place and the reason I suffer from severe depression, but them trying their hardest to cut off all my coping mechanisms is just too much...
I know I'm not okay, but nobody has the right to tell me how I need to live my life when every day is a battle against intrusive thoughts and whatnot.
I so hate them, I so hate them, I hate them so much. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them with all my heart.
When I look at it rationally I'm alone in my life. I have no romantical partner, I'm a virgin. I don't have friends so I need to bottle up everything and vent with my online friends (which I'm thankful for but won't be able to repair me for obvious reasons). I have no goal, no direction just pain. And most of all: I have no family. They all abuse and exploit me, hurt me and refuse to acknowledge that I'm mentally unwell. They don't give a shit about how they feel, they only want me to work for them. I AM POSITIVE that if I were to truly tell them how I feel they wouldn't wait to abandon me. I know they're all toxic fucks deep down, they've demonstrated it a number of times, figures if they would have issues hating the person they always criticised for years for not being "normal" after YOU caused me to lose any interest in living. They're waiting for that and I am tired, tired of their bullshit. Tired of them hurting me. Tired. Tired. Tired. Enough is fucking enough.
I wish I could have a job already to escape them but sadly it's not happening anytime soon... My dream is gonna be crushed and I'll lose yet another sparkle of hope to just cope my life away instead of just praying for survival.
That's all for now... ;(
With that in mind, I finally was/am about to reach a dream of mine in a game that I've been trying to obtain since 4 years. It's my time to shine, right? Well, not actually, because I have a time limit on this for it to become true and COINCIDENTALLY I am out of town for 80% of the thing leaving me with a measly UNSURE 48h to fulfill my dream. I don't give a shit about anything I just want to fulfil my stupid goofy dreams because online shit are the only thing keeping me from going literally insane and beating the shit out of anyone that looks at me due to how unhappy I am with my miserable existence.
This goal of mine is something relatively easy to achieve, especially for someone with a brain, like me. However my family is the main obstacle preventing me from doing anything, insulting and abusing me and saying they have, quote on quite "complete control" on all my life aspects for as long as I'll live with them.
By itself my household is the whole reason why I want to CTB in the first place and the reason I suffer from severe depression, but them trying their hardest to cut off all my coping mechanisms is just too much...
I know I'm not okay, but nobody has the right to tell me how I need to live my life when every day is a battle against intrusive thoughts and whatnot.
I so hate them, I so hate them, I hate them so much. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them with all my heart.
When I look at it rationally I'm alone in my life. I have no romantical partner, I'm a virgin. I don't have friends so I need to bottle up everything and vent with my online friends (which I'm thankful for but won't be able to repair me for obvious reasons). I have no goal, no direction just pain. And most of all: I have no family. They all abuse and exploit me, hurt me and refuse to acknowledge that I'm mentally unwell. They don't give a shit about how they feel, they only want me to work for them. I AM POSITIVE that if I were to truly tell them how I feel they wouldn't wait to abandon me. I know they're all toxic fucks deep down, they've demonstrated it a number of times, figures if they would have issues hating the person they always criticised for years for not being "normal" after YOU caused me to lose any interest in living. They're waiting for that and I am tired, tired of their bullshit. Tired of them hurting me. Tired. Tired. Tired. Enough is fucking enough.
I wish I could have a job already to escape them but sadly it's not happening anytime soon... My dream is gonna be crushed and I'll lose yet another sparkle of hope to just cope my life away instead of just praying for survival.
That's all for now... ;(
