Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Was cruising along, feeling pretty good, or at least not bad, then I did a stupid thing.

I looked up my daughter's FB page. All the pictures, all the new things in her life. And now the downward spiral begins. Again. Damn damn damn. This will never change and it will never end, will it? I am just so tired of this and I did this to myself.

Edit: And the moment I hit "post", I get a text from her with a picture of a grandchild I will never see again. Torture.

Can she see that I was on her public FB page? I didn't log in or anything, I don't have a FB account, even. I just looked at the pictures.

 

[summers]

@NeverGoodEnuff you could just block her on fb...

 

[WornOutLife]

Nope, she can't see that you saw her profile.
I'm really sorry you're feeling like this.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

@NeverGoodEnuff you could just block her on fb...

I don't have a FB account. I did a search (Mistake #1) and there was a link, clicked on it (Mistake #2), and up popped her FB. I was shocked because I didn't think I could get on there without setting up an account.

Nope, she can't see that you saw her profile.
I'm really sorry you're feeling like this.

Thank you.

I could block her on my phone. We were so close, until she got married.

 

[summers]

@NeverGoodEnuff I'm sorry, my earlier post was very insensitive. You can block her on fb, but I have learned the hard way, you can't unsee something. Be careful about going down the rabbit hole of searching and following links. Not exactly like your case, but I got curious about 15 years ago and watched some terrible, graphic things on a gore site. I'm not talking about Isis beheadings or cartel hits - this was much worse than than. I can't get these images out of my head, even after all these years, they pop up from time to time.

 

[Into The Void]

Was cruising along, feeling pretty good, or at least not bad, then I did a stupid thing.

I looked up my daughter's FB page. All the pictures, all the new things in her life. And now the downward spiral begins. Again. Damn damn damn. This will never change and it will never end, will it? I am just so tired of this and I did this to myself.

Edit: And the moment I hit "post", I get a text from her with a picture of a grandchild I will never see again. Torture.

Can she see that I was on her public FB page? I didn't log in or anything, I don't have a FB account, even. I just looked at the pictures.

No she can't see that you looked at her page. Sucks to experience what your going through. I wish you peace no matter what happens.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

@threesummers

No problem.

I am so angry right now. How do you label something a "rant"?

Today is the worst day in a long time. Not only have I heard from my daughter, who probably wants something from me, but my sister, whose phone I have blocked, used our mother's phone to text me. I am furious! I know how they are, her and my Mom (who is 97 yrs old and lives with her). They are colluding to get me back into a relationship with that sister, who has been the ugliest, meanest person I have ever known. So do I now have to block my mother, too? And does she deserve it for colluding with her? IT DRIVES ME NUTS!

I want to call each of them and tell them what I really think of them! But that wouldn't be the "nice" thing to do! Fuck this shit! I may just change my phone number, I may just get out that .45 cal pistol and be done with this shit! I put out extra food and water for my dog, just in case I decide that is the only choice left.

Sorry, I am just a little bit tipsy. Not much of a drinker but it seemed the right thing to do, to try to stop the chest pain (I am 70- yrs old), to make these feelings of hurt and anger go away. I hate this crap. Why can't they just go away like I have asked them to. Why must they keep poking and prodding me? LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

[summers]

@NeverGoodEnuff I'm not trying to oversimplify this, but just tell them no. It's hard to do sometimes, especially with family, but I did it once with my mom. Just needed a break from her. It doesn't sound like your relationship with your sister is worth saving, and if your mom is picking sides, well... she already did - sorry.

I hope you don't ctb over this. I always try to give the advice don't be reactionary. If you choose to ctb, do it for your own reasons, not because someone is getting to you.

I wish you all the best. Hope you're able to work the situation out.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

@NeverGoodEnuff I'm not trying to oversimplify this, but just tell them no. It's hard to do sometimes, especially with family, but I did it once with my mom. Just needed a break from her. It doesn't sound like your relationship with your sister is worth saving, and if your mom is picking sides, well... she already did - sorry.

I hope you don't ctb over this. I always try to give the advice don't be reactionary. If you choose to ctb, do it for your own reasons, not because someone is getting to you.

I wish you all the best. Hope you're able to work the situation out.

Well, I survived yesterday. Had three small drinks while I paced around the house, then fell asleep on the sofa, woke up feeling hung over.

The relationship with my sister was over two months ago. Everybody seems to think I will get over it and come back to the family fold. Not gonna happen. Not now, not ever.

Thank you all for your support through this. The next week or two will be difficult but this is not the first time. Hopefully, it will be the last?