stupid joke

[InezSerrano]

Musician A: I hate fucking melodic minors.
Musician B: Really? Even those cute choir boys?

okay, ill see myself out. sorry.

 

[Masada]

Sounds like a catholic church choir to me.

Okay, I'll also see myself out too...

 

[Manaaja]

What's an animal lover's favorite religion? CATholicism.

There's a really good joke about a jobless cat but it doesn't work in English.

There's a really good joke about French but it isn't in English.

What's an autosexual's favorite vegetable? Carlick.

Why was an exercising priest dumb? Because he lost his bell - and now new undeads can't ring the church bell anymore. They won't meet Oswald and the priest will never get his sins pardoned.

What happens to electricians when they die? They become vAMPires.

How do you know a woman is single? She has an a in front of her.

What do you call a video game that hasn't started production yet? A vIDEA game.

Why did I just spend twenty minutes coming up with jokes when I should be sleeping? Because insomnia isn't a joke.

 

[callme]

Can I beat it?

What makes a man age quickly?
A man-ager.

The Delta Variant is burning through the South so quickly!
They should call it the Sherman Variant.

Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon
The rest is history.

How do you open a parachute?
Please, answer quickly!

If i could just say a quick word...
Velocity.

Why do tailpipes get worn out quickly?
Because their job is exhausting!

Earlier today I felt like throwing up..
So I put a dart board on my ceiling.

Chun-Li: Can I ask you a question, Ryu?
Ryu: SHORYUKEN! (Sure you can)

A large hole has appeared in the road outside your local Police Station.
The Police say they are looking into it.

I'm starting an asphalt company on Abbey Road.
It'll be called Ringo's Tar. (Reminds me of a winery - Amy's Winehouse)

What's the difference between a School bus and a pineapple?
The little pricks are on the outside of the pineapple!

Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master?
Because he had a locomotive.

What do you call an anxious latino?
A Hispanic.

Mexicans must be furious with the border wall proposition.
On the other hand, eh, they'll get over it.

I want to see and feel Spain once in my life.
But life always takes the 'S' away from it.

You should respect people who wear glasses.
They paid money to see you.

What do you call a religious organization that doesn't make any money?
A non-prophet.

A man told his servant, "Call me a taxi, Larry"
The servant replied, "Sure sir, You're a taxi.

There's a new book about a bird that gets drunk.
It's called "Tequila Mockingbird".

Scientists watched the earth revolve for 24 hours.
They got bored and called it a day.

Who is Cardi B's sister?
Cagey B.

When does a square become a cube?
When it hits cuberty.

My Wife is always cutting herself shaving...
I guess her mum didn't razor right.

I think my wife is putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it , but I'm sticking to my guns.

What's it called when a flower gives head?
Floral.

What if you were stuck in a sausage skin?
That would really be a wurst case scenario.

What's worse than a bull in a China shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory.

This one I guarantee you probably never heard:

A miserable, plain and poor looking man gets on board of a transatlantic cruise ship. He lethargically all stands by himself, when another man comes.

- Why are you so miserable bud?
- Why not? Fired for the 15th time, 3rd divorce, 10 years of attempts but no children, on my last money now.
- So you're expecting the worst?
- Buddy, in my luck, this ship is sinking.
- No way, it can't sink.
- So did the Titanic.
- It's different now, you have all you need.
- But I'll still sink, I can't swim.
- You'll put on a life vest.
- It won't inflate.
- You'll wait, hold onto a boat, be rescued.
- No, instead a shark will find me first.
- Attached to the vest is a really loud whistle, you'll blow it.
- In my luck, it's either going to be a deaf shark or a whistle with no ball.

 

[Manaaja]

Can I beat it?

What makes a man age quickly?
A man-ager.

The Delta Variant is burning through the South so quickly!
They should call it the Sherman Variant.

Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon
The rest is history.

How do you open a parachute?
Please, answer quickly!

If i could just say a quick word...
Velocity.

Why do tailpipes get worn out quickly?
Because their job is exhausting!

Earlier today I felt like throwing up..
So I put a dart board on my ceiling.

Chun-Li: Can I ask you a question, Ryu?
Ryu: SHORYUKEN! (Sure you can)

A large hole has appeared in the road outside your local Police Station.
The Police say they are looking into it.

I'm starting an asphalt company on Abbey Road.
It'll be called Ringo's Tar. (Reminds me of a winery - Amy's Winehouse)

What's the difference between a School bus and a pineapple?
The little pricks are on the outside of the pineapple!

Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master?
Because he had a locomotive.

What do you call an anxious latino?
A Hispanic.

Mexicans must be furious with the border wall proposition.
On the other hand, eh, they'll get over it.

I want to see and feel Spain once in my life.
But life always takes the 'S' away from it.

You should respect people who wear glasses.
They paid money to see you.

What do you call a religious organization that doesn't make any money?
A non-prophet.

A man told his servant, "Call me a taxi, Larry"
The servant replied, "Sure sir, You're a taxi.

There's a new book about a bird that gets drunk.
It's called "Tequila Mockingbird".

Scientists watched the earth revolve for 24 hours.
They got bored and called it a day.

Who is Cardi B's sister?
Cagey B.

When does a square become a cube?
When it hits cuberty.

My Wife is always cutting herself shaving...
I guess her mum didn't razor right.

I think my wife is putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it , but I'm sticking to my guns.

What's it called when a flower gives head?
Floral.

What if you were stuck in a sausage skin?
That would really be a wurst case scenario.

What's worse than a bull in a China shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory.

This one I guarantee you probably never heard:

A miserable, plain and poor looking man gets on board of a transatlantic cruise ship. He lethargically all stands by himself, when another man comes.

- Why are you so miserable bud?
- Why not? Fired for the 15th time, 3rd divorce, 10 years of attempts but no children, on my last money now.
- So you're expecting the worst?
- Buddy, in my luck, this ship is sinking.
- No way, it can't sink.
- So did the Titanic.
- It's different now, you have all you need.
- But I'll still sink, I can't swim.
- You'll put on a life vest.
- It won't inflate.
- You'll wait, hold onto a boat, be rescued.
- No, instead a shark will find me first.
- Attached to the vest is a really loud whistle, you'll blow it.
- In my luck, it's either going to be a deaf shark or a whistle with no ball.

Good jokes! I hadn't heard most of them!

Jokes about steaks are rare but they are usually well-done.

 

[callme]

Good jokes! I hadn't heard most of them!

Jokes about steaks are rare but they are usually well-done.

What is a slang for speech impediment in Scotland?
A pain in the R's.

What is witches slang for a creampie?
The leaky cauldron.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

Why doesn't Texas have U-Haul trucks?
Cause they have Yee-Haw trucks instead.

Why should you never trust stairs?
They're always up to something.

John 5:29

"and shall come forth; he that have done good, unto the resurrection of life"
But he came fifth and won a toaster.

 

[Sherri]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to! Booooo I KNOW.

 

[callme]

In the US, dogs are K9.
In China, dogs are E10.

Best selling car in Iceland?
The Fjörd Fjusion.

How does an Icelandic dog bark?
Björk-björk.

I'd really like the new iPhone.
But alas, I can't affjörd it.

Who's Santas favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.

Why did Auburn change their uniforms to orange?
So that they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up the trash without changing.

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?
Because you can't turn your back on family.

How do we know the tooth brush was invented in Alabama?
If it was invented anywhere else it would be called the "teeth brush."

 

[Red Scare]

Ok, ok, ok, I got one....

My life.

Bahahahahaha!!! Pretty good joke right? I got a better I've though....

One of these days, I'll learn to forgive myself, move on, and be happy.

Ahahahahaha!! Hehehehehe.

*sigh* I kill me.