Venting Stupid brain

[donsie]

first suicide attempt 1995…. Almost 30 years of wanting to CTB. I've tried so many methods and there are 2 I've always said I would do given the opportunity….

I've had the opportunity for 2 weeks now…. The window is closing fast for this and I'm such a coward.

I don't understand my stupid brain….

Why am I here? I hate this place

And also, if you have DID, BPD or any other personality disorder…

You ever feel like the others got ya here but expect you to do the dirty work?

What am I holding onto? Why am I delaying this? It's everything I've wanted and I can't do it

 

[Celerity]

I'm so sorry. I was just bemoaning how I have contemplated suicide for the past 18 years. I can't imagine going for that long.

 

[donsie]

I'm so sorry. I was just bemoaning how I have contemplated suicide for the past 18 years. I can't imagine going for that long.

I've had some good years in between. Have you ever tried or just contemplated?

 

[Tired_of_myself]

I'm sorry, must be hard

my first try was 19 yrs ago… and for these past yrs, ctb was always on my mind… sometimes more present than others, but its always here… Sometimes makes me feel calm, because i know that whatever happens in my life, i can try again. But at the same time, i feel very sad because i kind of hate myself so much that Ctb is so present in ny mind…

its been a month since my last attempt… i passed out and was found… so yeah, i kind of suck when i try to ctb, lol

but i was not ready… i think now im more prepared, reading the methods so when i try again, it will work. And reading helps me get trought the day, because removes the stigma of pain and becames a method in my brain.

Have you ever tried therapy or meds? Sounds lame… but sometimes it helps… because of my last attempt, now for the first time in taking lithium… its been helpful to get trought the day

Wish you well

 

[Celerity]

I've had some good years in between. Have you ever tried or just contemplated?

Never tried.