Stupid advice from stupid people

[_Minsk]

Have you ever received some "really good and life changing" advice from people, like "Tomorrow is another day", "You just have to get out more or meet more ppl", or (my fav) "It's all in your head"? Why haven't I thought of that in the last 8 years I was depressed? Advice like these make me truly cringe and wonder why people are so ignorant. Are they just dumb or do they just not care at all? What has been your "best" advice so far?

 

[Aap]

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

 

[Giraffey]

"You have a future"

They neglected to mention how damn miserable it is.

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

That "advice" is always given by people who don't experience crippling mental health issues/other problems where they feel like they have no other means no escape. These people usually think depression is just a phase. It makes it seem like the suicidal person is just having a bad day. I've had anxiety all my life. I've had severe depression for the past eight years, it ain't a "temporary problem."

 

[Superdeterminist]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

That "advice" is always given by people who don't experience crippling mental health issues/other problems where they feel like they have no other means no escape. These people usually think depression is just a phase. It makes it seem like the suicidal person is just having a bad day. I've had anxiety all my life. I've had severe depression for the past eight years, it ain't a "temporary problem."

Exactly. The statement is dumb because ALL problems are temporary - we are temporary. And a problem being temporary doesn't make it trivial. As you said you've had a problem for 8 long years. That's long enough in the context of a finite human life, to really make the whole thing not worth it, for some people.

 

[DoNotLet2]

I think they don't care simply.

 

[autumnal]

Unfortunately, some of the stupidest advice about suicide I've ever seen has been on this forum

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

'you've got 2 arms that work and 2 legs that work, in the grand scheme of things you've got nothing to complain about'

 

[Morphosis]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

That "advice" is always given by people who don't experience crippling mental health issues/other problems where they feel like they have no other means no escape. These people usually think depression is just a phase. It makes it seem like the suicidal person is just having a bad day. I've had anxiety all my life. I've had severe depression for the past eight years, it ain't a "temporary problem."

Yeah I had that one too from a suicide helpline counsellor. Some were good but this one was dreadful. Said me talking about my plans for suicide was scary and she didn't like it. Umm... this IS a suicide helpline right? I turned to professionals for help so I wouldn't "scare" family or friends. "You need to concentrate on living not dying" was another favourite phrase. Yeah I've actually lost everything worth living for and it's not temporary. Then she said I need to quit the poor-me attitude, I wasn't a child, and when I replied that I had clearly frustrated the hell out of her, she said yes you have. Wow, how helpful. Gee thanks for your input

 

[Eren]

They just don't know what to tell you and they tell you that. I know what it feels like, I don't think they're stupid, but they really don't know what it's like to feel this bad, they've never felt this way.


They just can't empathize with how you feel.

 

[rhiino]

They just can't empathize with how you feel.

They indeed cannot. I just wonder why they don't admit it then but instead give dumb advices that miss the essence of having such a bad life that you want to end it. My therapist even has me contractually obligated to not kill myself; as if that would stop me .

This thread is very similar btw: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ings-to-say-to-someone-who-is-suicidal.40016/

 

[moonchild]

The first advice that comes to mind is some form of "you're strong, I know you can get through this", where "this" can be some specific mental struggle or something I have to do that feels difficult (adulting, school, etc). I know it's said with good intentions, but it's always so dismissive of how I actually feel and does zero to help. Makes me feel all kinds of weird, because I'm not strong and I'm never getting through anything. Just drifting along and somehow managing. It's like they're trying to speak the strength into existence or something.

Even just some good old understanding, like "I understand this is hard for you, it must take a lot out of you to keep fighting" would be A LOT better.

 

[Kumachan]

Im a simple person, i see "stupid advice" - i click)

"It's all in your head"

Yea that one just recently. I call this type of "advice" pretencious-pseudo-wisdom, usually uttered with the air of someone who has figured life out. Same as "permanent problem" - it sounds catchy, but is infact empty

 

[Superdeterminist]

Im a simple person, i see "stupid advice" - i click)


Yea that one just recently. I call this type of "advice" pretencious-pseudo-wisdom, usually uttered with the air of someone who has figured life out. Same as "permanent problem" - it sounds catchy, but is infact empty

Technically it's correct! Because our entire conscious experience is the result of our brains. But yes, they use that phrase in a non-literal way, to try and minimise the issue. They don't appreciate the mind's ability to create hell.

 

[Philosykos]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

That "advice" is always given by people who don't experience crippling mental health issues/other problems where they feel like they have no other means no escape. These people usually think depression is just a phase. It makes it seem like the suicidal person is just having a bad day. I've had anxiety all my life. I've had severe depression for the past eight years, it ain't a "temporary problem."

This. I believe that most people cannot truly internalise what it's like to be chronically depressed/anxious. Everyone goes through bad patches now and again and I think this is what most people think your depression is as well. Most people want to live and seeing as their 'normal' is generally akin to a chronically depressed person's 'ecstatic', they can't imagine that their 'low point' is a chronically depressed person's 'normal'. I genuinely believe that simple advice like that works for the majority of people; focus on the good in your life, tomorrow is another day, it's always darkest before the dawn etc.

It's miscommunication and a lack of understanding. I doubt they do this on purpose; they are really trying to help and internalise your struggles and give you the kind of advice they would like to hear in a similar situation.

 

[Amnesty]

I have a good advice...I got nothing.

It is generally hard to create good advice in general since you do not know what the person had been through etc. So what may work for one is empty for another. People naturally tend to forget that.

 

[The Dark Chaos]

Unfortunately, some of the stupidest advice about suicide I've ever seen has been on this forum

If you don't mind me asking, what were those advices? Just curious..

 

[Sprite_Geist]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

That "advice" is always given by people who don't experience crippling mental health issues/other problems where they feel like they have no other means no escape. These people usually think depression is just a phase. It makes it seem like the suicidal person is just having a bad day. I've had anxiety all my life. I've had severe depression for the past eight years, it ain't a "temporary problem."

I agree

A permeneant solution can sometimes be better than no solution at all. It's certainly more helpful than telling someone who is in pain to "Just toughen up!"

Not just this, but the "temporary" problems that this quote points to aren't always that. Everyone's life is different - there's no "one size fits all" fix, and while efforts can be made to alleviate suffering you can't completely remove it. The pain that you experience in some cases is chronic - it will last until as long as you live. In this sense a problem is permeneant not temporary, so this quote that gets used a lot isn't accurate.

 

[Pale Blue Dot]

Actually this isn't an advice.
But I got really mad after I heard this:

"Think about it. As you said you quit before you die, doesn't it mean that you still want to live in some reason? It kinda seems like that you don't really wanna die."

 

[autumnal]

If you don't mind me asking, what were those advices? Just curious..

I'm not going to get into specifics, it will just lead to more conflict with those members who made the comments.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Have you ever received some "really good and life changing" advice from people, like "Tomorrow is another day", "You just have to get out more or meet more ppl", or (my fav) "It's all in your head"? Why haven't I thought of that in the last 8 years I was depressed? Advice like these make me truly cringe and wonder why people are so ignorant. Are they just dumb or do they just not care at all? What has been your "best" advice so far?

"Suck it up princess"
That has been a favourite and in fact so effective, it has enabled me to endure huge amounts of emotional pain with probably crippling long term effects and essentially "keep the game going"
I use it on myself now, regularly, sometimes ironically, sometimes not.
Peace friends

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Light at the end of the tunnel..
What fucking tunnel? this saying bugs the hell out of me! I am be in a very black hole but its down a well not in a fucking train tunnel, and I am quite comfy down here thank you!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

That "advice" is always given by people who don't experience crippling mental health issues/other problems where they feel like they have no other means no escape. These people usually think depression is just a phase. It makes it seem like the suicidal person is just having a bad day. I've had anxiety all my life. I've had severe depression for the past eight years, it ain't a "temporary problem."

Life is also temporary, and it is not a solution. In fact, it contains the problem. No life = no problems. A limited perspective perhaps, but more concrete and useful.

For some, life contains better balance of positives or neutrals in relation to problems, but the balance can shift at any time toward problems, whether health or natural disasters or political upheavals. When that happens, have them check back in about how they feel about death as a solution. Permanent solutions will probably sound damn good.

 

[coreofanapple]

I feel like all the phrases I hear/see everywhere trickled down to one; "keep living, just because." It just seems like part of the survival instinct most living things have, kind of like "You can't just die, dummy!" I dunno, it doesn't make any sense to me anymore.

 

[Whited Sepulchre]

Literally Silence and Sighing, the twin peaks of positivity seeking commoners who think they are all but immune from dis ever pervading illness dat visits all living things.
U know it's really, really good advice when they look away disgusted or stare back at u dumbfounded.

 

[Bct]

"Be grateful you still have (insert anything like a job, family, arms, legs, etc.). It must be only your negative thinking."

Yeah, thanks for making me guilty & feeling worse.

 

[BridgeJumper]

My absolute favourite is that Im seeking attention
Bitch its anything but. I drink alone and do drugs alone. I cut on my legs and cover the wounds with long trousers. I go to the bridge at night and dont message anyone about it.
How much less attention I could get
And you know why? Because of ignorant people that accuse me of wanting attention.

 

[TAW122]

"Just go talk to someone." or "You should go see a professional/counselor/therapist/mental health professional/etc." are common advice from stupid people who act like they know what's good for me. I'm so sick of hearing these banal advice spewed forth by the NPC masses in society.

 

[rhiino]

I have just read the "Lethality and Pain of Methods" quora thread linked in the Resource Compilation. This is full of those extremely stupid advices, even from professionals. It litelally drove me sick to read all that pro-life nonsense there, but after a while it was fun. It shows how little the people understand what real suffering is.

A few examples:

"This is something treatable and manageable but you would have to seek help."

"Feeling suicidal is entirely chemical"

Everything we feel is a biochemical reaction, does this lessen our suffering?

"your life is precious"

Suffering is not precious.

"Maybe you'll burn in Hell for an eternity. Maybe your consciousness ends up in a black void forever. Maybe you'll be born again but with your memory erased and be forced to live a life of misery all over again but with a personality that makes you suffer even more as you're now a new person entirely."

Ha, sure.

"Life is meant to live not to quit it."

If anything, life is meant to be happy, not torture.

"There are people who are worse than our in terms of life like poverty, abnormalities, etc. those people could have done that but no they face those challenges."

The classic.

"I'm sure you have people that love and care for you so why would you want to end your life ?"

Maybe because I have not?

"Don't waste your beautiful life."

All I do is waste resources.

"ENDING LIFE ISN'T AN OPTION."

It is a good option.

"Why end life today when tomorrow may well be better?"

"No one who dies comes back to tell us they actually found the relief that so many promise."

Good to have such sharp minds.

"If you want to end your life but want to do it without fear, then that is a sign you should not do it at all."

"What your feeling is just that! A Feeling!"

My pain is just a feeling. Thank you for acknowledging my pain.

"Why Do You Want To Kill Yourself?"

"Whenever I see a suicide report on the news, I instantly break down into tears. Don't make me do that…"

Poor guy. Tries to play the guilt card.

"Life is for living."

"Life is beautiful buddy, live it to the fullest."

Thanks buddy, I am happy again now. Who even needs a therapist. Awful pro-lifer with probably a decent life and definitely zero empathy whatsoever.

 

[luneetétoiles]

Yeah constantly. And it's worse when it comes from someone that claims to have poor mental health themselves. Don't be silly / don't be stupid is my personal favourite.