Discussion Stuff to take into account after FAILED CTB ATTEMPT

[WornOutLife]

So, I'm one of those who tried to kill themselves some months ago and some things in my life are really worse than before because I failed. I'd like to tell you what sucks in my life now and I'd also like that you add more reasons on why life sucks after failed CTB attempts. For example:

-No freedom: if you feel like you're living in a prison, it'll really be like one if you don't die and end up in a psych ward or with your parents monitoring you 24/7

-People who know about it, will never treat you the same: They'll feel sorry for you and just look at you as if you were a mad person for not being able to endure this world and have a happy life (yeah I know, as if it were so easy huh?)

-Pills: Of course you'll be seeing a psychiatrist, you're a guy/girl who tried to CTB after all, so get ready to take LOTS of pills which will make you feel sleepy, dizzy and you won't feel like doing anything at all.

-Compulsory Therapists: Do you hate therapists? I do because they never work but guess what? You'll have to see one of those at least twice a week and talk lots. (this is really hard because you might feel really negative and want to CTB again but you can't just mention it. Otherwise, you'll end up in a psych ward, and trust me, that's really the worst of the worst.)

-(probably) never living alone again: If you're like me and have the possibility of living alone, you know it's paradise. Well, I don't live alone anymore because I have to be with people all the time so that they can control me. You have no idea how much I miss living alone.

-Goodbye drugs and alcohol: No matter what you consume, it'll be kinda impossible to enjoy any of that stuff after your failed CTB attempt. (I miss booze so much!!!)

-Possible brain or body damage: I almost forget this one. I was lucky and my brain and body is ok but you might suffer some permanent damage depending on the method you choose.


Let me know if I'm forgetting something! This is all I'm expericing at least during these months and it sucks!

In the end, "the system" considers all I mentioned to be helpful for us but I think it's useless. I'm more suicidal than before but well, I lost the bet and just couldn't do it properly.

Well that's it. I'll be reading you now!

 

[LittleJem]

I'm so sorry you are being tortured like this. I haven't attempted, but everything you have written makes perfect sense based on my experience of therapists and people out there, who don't have a clue what it is like to suffer in this way and patronise us while being totally unable to stop the torture.

 

[Metalhead]

I can really relate to so much of what you have written. For me one of the things was that the majority of my friends left me and those that I still have do not want to talk about it. Ctb is still on my mind daily but you have to play the hiding game.

 

[woxihuanni]

Haha, no. The nerve you have to assume anybody is trying to keep some of us alive.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Haha, no. The nerve you have to assume anybody is trying to keep some of us alive.

LOL, I know. If I had people around me who cared as much as OP's family, I would not even be suicidal. After my attempt 7 years ago, with alcohol and sleeping pills, I told my parents that I wanted to go to the psychiatric hospital to get treatment, because I have just attempted suicide. My mother was cold and basically ignored me, and my father said that they won't bake cakes for me at the hospital, like mom does. I came back home from the hospital a week later, and everything was the same as it always was.

 

[woxihuanni]

LOL, I know. If I had people around me who cared as much as OP's family, I would not even be suicidal. After my attempt 7 years ago, with alcohol and sleeping pills, I told my parents that I wanted to go to the psychiatric hospital to get treatment, because I have just attempted suicide. My mother was cold and basically ignored me, and my father said that they won't bake cakes for me at the hospital, like mom does. I came back home from the hospital a week later, and everything was the same as it always was.

They don't deserve to be called parents. I would be fine even with not caring, my husband literally told me to kill myself chop chop. There are two instances when he was getting all the good fucks just fine, that he translated the lyrics of a song playing looking in my eyes. One of them about a character he likened to me killing himself, the othet was stein on stein. I will put you in a house, every stone your tears, nobody will hear you scream.

The guy is a lazy murderer, I tell ya. Cannot bother to shove me off a cliff so he does this.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

They don't deserve to be called parents. I would be fine even with not caring, my husband literally told me to kill myself chop chop. There are two instances when he was getting all the good fucks just fine, that he translated the lyrics of a song playing looking in my eyes. One of them about a character he likened to me killing himself, the othet was stein on stein. I will put you in a house, every stone your tears, nobody will hear you scream.

The guy is a lazy murderer, I tell ya. Cannot bother to shove me off a cliff so he does this.

What is your diagnosis, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Personally I failed ctb attempt will increase my suicidality. I hate failing.

 

[woxihuanni]

What is your diagnosis, if you don't mind me asking?

None. I don't want to die at all and don't even have depression. It is just he is throwing me out of home, country, phd. And husbands don't grow on trees, though I am an eligible wife for being a whore in bed, a chef in the kitchen and a respectable academic on the street. As well as never acting up or expecting husband to tend to my feelings or entertain me.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

None. I don't want to die at all and don't even have depression. It is just he is throwing me out of home, country, phd. And husbands don't grow on trees, though I am an eligible wife for being a whore in bed, a chef in the kitchen and a respectable academic on the street. As well as never acting up or expecting husband to tend to my feelings or entertain me.

Sorry to hear about that.

 

[WornOutLife]

Personally I failed ctb attempt will increase my suicidality. I hate failing.

Failing sucks and you're right. I'm more suicidal now than before.

 

[rt1989526]

Which method did you try? Sorry to hear this

 

[itachi of death]

I have brain damage and stomach issuses from my failed ctb

 

[Emily_Numb]

I can only assume you are in the US as if you were in the UK after a failed attempt, you'd be sent home from hospital as soon as possible, no twice weekly therapy, no medication and occasional contact from the Mental Health Team.

I wish I had that sort of support in place and I bet plenty of people reading your post do too. I would honestly say you are incredibly fortunate to have all that in place and being surrounded by people who give a shit.

Twice weekly therapy is some serious financial commitment, which I'm guessing your parents fund? If you have no choice in the matter then you may as well attempt to put it to good use and participate. If you do have a choice and you don't want to go, then don't?

I'm sorry you feel this way but you are absolutely one of the lucky ones. Imagine attempting to CTB and people not actually giving a shit? That hurts even more I assure you.

 

[Marauder]

I have brain damage and stomach issuses from my failed ctb

What was your method? If you dont mind asking

 

[NightmareTour]

I had none of these things happen, except they gave me some pills that I stopped taking because they weren't working, and nobody ever questioned me on it. Nobody gave a fuck that I tried to kill myself, the crisis team got rid of me as quickly as possible and now it's like it never even happened.

 

[itachi of death]

What was your method? If you dont mind asking

80 200ml ibuprofen,and a half a cup of bleach,slept for 3 hrs and woke up in ahospital

 

[WornOutLife]

Which method did you try? Sorry to hear this

Lots of different pills + partial hanging.
Although I didn't reach the hanging part because the pills made me pass out really fast and I was in a comma for 2 days.

I can only assume you are in the US as if you were in the UK after a failed attempt, you'd be sent home from hospital as soon as possible, no twice weekly therapy, no medication and occasional contact from the Mental Health Team.

I wish I had that sort of support in place and I bet plenty of people reading your post do too. I would honestly say you are incredibly fortunate to have all that in place and being surrounded by people who give a shit.

Twice weekly therapy is some serious financial commitment, which I'm guessing your parents fund? If you have no choice in the matter then you may as well attempt to put it to good use and participate. If you do have a choice and you don't want to go, then don't?

I'm sorry you feel this way but you are absolutely one of the lucky ones. Imagine attempting to CTB and people not actually giving a shit? That hurts even more I assure you.

You do have a point there. It's hell because I have no freedom and I really need my space but of course it could be worse.
I live in Argentina and as for the medical expenses, my dad is paying my health insurance so it's all covered.
I'm so unmotivated that I don't want to even work but thanks for your words, you're spot on.

 

[madbananas]

So, I'm one of those who tried to kill themselves some months ago and some things in my life are really worse than before because I failed. I'd like to tell you what sucks in my life now and I'd also like that you add more reasons on why life sucks after failed CTB attempts. For example:

-No freedom: if you feel like you're living in a prison, it'll really be like one if you don't die and end up in a psych ward or with your parents monitoring you 24/7

-People who know about it, will never treat you the same: They'll feel sorry for you and just look at you as if you were a mad person for not being able to endure this world and have a happy life (yeah I know, as if it were so easy huh?)

-Pills: Of course you'll be seeing a psychiatrist, you're a guy/girl who tried to CTB after all, so get ready to take LOTS of pills which will make you feel sleepy, dizzy and you won't feel like doing anything at all.

-Compulsory Therapists: Do you hate therapists? I do because they never work but guess what? You'll have to see one of those at least twice a week and talk lots. (this is really hard because you might feel really negative and want to CTB again but you can't just mention it. Otherwise, you'll end up in a psych ward, and trust me, that's really the worst of the worst.)

-(probably) never living alone again: If you're like me and have the possibility of living alone, you know it's paradise. Well, I don't live alone anymore because I have to be with people all the time so that they can control me. You have no idea how much I miss living alone.

-Goodbye drugs and alcohol: No matter what you consume, it'll be kinda impossible to enjoy any of that stuff after your failed CTB attempt. (I miss booze so much!!!)

-Possible brain or body damage: I almost forget this one. I was lucky and my brain and body is ok but you might suffer some permanent damage depending on the method you choose.


Let me know if I'm forgetting something! This is all I'm expericing at least during these months and it sucks!

In the end, "the system" considers all I mentioned to be helpful for us but I think it's useless. I'm more suicidal than before but well, I lost the bet and just couldn't do it properly.

Well that's it. I'll be reading you now!

I had the opposite problem lol. I'm more suicidal than I was before because after I tried to ctb everyone cut me out their lives and not even the services offered me any therapy. In fact I was told because I have capacity that it's my choice to kill my self. Yet somehow they don't offer a dignified way out. I had to try the recovery thing all by myself and that didn't work.

 

[WornOutLife]

I had the opposite problem lol. I'm more suicidal than I was before because after I tried to ctb everyone cut me out their lives and not even the services offered me any therapy. In fact I was told because I have capacity that it's my choice to kill my self. Yet somehow they don't offer a dignified way out. I had to try the recovery thing all by myself and that didn't work.

Yeah some users above also mentioned something like that.
I guess we will be suicidal no matter what lol

 

[KleinerWolf]

Glad you didn't suffer any major damage to your body.

 

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

Thanks for sharing something that's very personal and likely a large emotional wound right now. I find it helpful to see posts such as yours to remind myself if I'm gonna do it, I gotta do it right. It's been a few months now since you first posted this and I hope you are doing well

 

[Unlucky Self]

I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I feel you. I deal with the system by telling them what they want to hear and showing them what they want to see. It hurts to swallow my pride being a hypocrite with everyone, but the alternative a forever hell in psych wards. The trauma my death will leave is only justified after what they've done to me (and would continue to do otherwise).

 

[Wrennie]

So, I'm one of those who tried to kill themselves some months ago and some things in my life are really worse than before because I failed. I'd like to tell you what sucks in my life now and I'd also like that you add more reasons on why life sucks after failed CTB attempts. For example:

-No freedom: if you feel like you're living in a prison, it'll really be like one if you don't die and end up in a psych ward or with your parents monitoring you 24/7

-People who know about it, will never treat you the same: They'll feel sorry for you and just look at you as if you were a mad person for not being able to endure this world and have a happy life (yeah I know, as if it were so easy huh?)

-Pills: Of course you'll be seeing a psychiatrist, you're a guy/girl who tried to CTB after all, so get ready to take LOTS of pills which will make you feel sleepy, dizzy and you won't feel like doing anything at all.

-Compulsory Therapists: Do you hate therapists? I do because they never work but guess what? You'll have to see one of those at least twice a week and talk lots. (this is really hard because you might feel really negative and want to CTB again but you can't just mention it. Otherwise, you'll end up in a psych ward, and trust me, that's really the worst of the worst.)

-(probably) never living alone again: If you're like me and have the possibility of living alone, you know it's paradise. Well, I don't live alone anymore because I have to be with people all the time so that they can control me. You have no idea how much I miss living alone.

-Goodbye drugs and alcohol: No matter what you consume, it'll be kinda impossible to enjoy any of that stuff after your failed CTB attempt. (I miss booze so much!!!)

-Possible brain or body damage: I almost forget this one. I was lucky and my brain and body is ok but you might suffer some permanent damage depending on the method you choose.


Let me know if I'm forgetting something! This is all I'm expericing at least during these months and it sucks!

In the end, "the system" considers all I mentioned to be helpful for us but I think it's useless. I'm more suicidal than before but well, I lost the bet and just couldn't do it properly.

Well that's it. I'll be reading you now!

Literally exactly what happened to me after my attempt back in March. It's like they want to maximize our suffering. It wasn't enough that we were already hurting with such severity that we entertained the idea of death... no, that's not good enough for those people. It's a bottomless pit of pain, and we'll never reach the layer that justifies our desire to CTB to others.

I feel you 100%.