This is going to be a proper whiny vent, but I don't know where else to write.
As an only child I have been spoiled and coddled by my parents my whole life.
I was fairly intelligent as a child, but I was never particularly socially skilled, being too bossy, selfish and stubborn to develop real friendships.
Anyway, I'm now 33 years old and I'm just a lazy mess who can't take care of themselves. I want to CBT, but my folks have accidentally found out that I was going to buy a ratchet string and they took all the money out of the bank account that I share with my mother.
I'm staying at my folks' because I got kinda depressed and didn't know how to handle sharing the flat with my partner who's also feeling down, plus I don't feel anything for her (or anyone) anymore and I'm too wussy to be honest about it (what if it's just depression talking?).
I don't know, I feel like some sort of monster blob who's now stuck here. I'm taking a bunch of meds (an antidepressant, an antipsychotic, an antianxiety and now also lithium) because my folks are sure that meds will help me get out of this state, but refuse to consider that it's just the way I am.
I'm unemployed and I have very little energy and motivation, even to pretend that I'm ok.
I've been researching methods to CBT here (thanks to everyone who shared!) because I don't want to do it in a gorey/painful way, but I can't do any of them for practical reasons.
My top choice would be to overdose on fentanyl bought on the darkweb, but I find bitcoins confusing and I don't have money anyway.
Same story for N with the added complication of getting it through customs in Italy where I live (the fentanyl vendor apparently has good stealth ratings so that would worry me less).
I also considered the night night method (hence the ratchet), but I'm worried about being found and living with brain damage,
1,4 butanediol seems very interesting, but again, I would need to get my hands on some money and convince my folks that I'm well enough to come back home.
So basically I'm just stuck and it blows.
As an only child I have been spoiled and coddled by my parents my whole life.
I was fairly intelligent as a child, but I was never particularly socially skilled, being too bossy, selfish and stubborn to develop real friendships.
Anyway, I'm now 33 years old and I'm just a lazy mess who can't take care of themselves. I want to CBT, but my folks have accidentally found out that I was going to buy a ratchet string and they took all the money out of the bank account that I share with my mother.
I'm staying at my folks' because I got kinda depressed and didn't know how to handle sharing the flat with my partner who's also feeling down, plus I don't feel anything for her (or anyone) anymore and I'm too wussy to be honest about it (what if it's just depression talking?).
I don't know, I feel like some sort of monster blob who's now stuck here. I'm taking a bunch of meds (an antidepressant, an antipsychotic, an antianxiety and now also lithium) because my folks are sure that meds will help me get out of this state, but refuse to consider that it's just the way I am.
I'm unemployed and I have very little energy and motivation, even to pretend that I'm ok.
I've been researching methods to CBT here (thanks to everyone who shared!) because I don't want to do it in a gorey/painful way, but I can't do any of them for practical reasons.
My top choice would be to overdose on fentanyl bought on the darkweb, but I find bitcoins confusing and I don't have money anyway.
Same story for N with the added complication of getting it through customs in Italy where I live (the fentanyl vendor apparently has good stealth ratings so that would worry me less).
I also considered the night night method (hence the ratchet), but I'm worried about being found and living with brain damage,
1,4 butanediol seems very interesting, but again, I would need to get my hands on some money and convince my folks that I'm well enough to come back home.
So basically I'm just stuck and it blows.
