Venting Stuck with no way out

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Hey everyone!
So I gave this site a break to see if things in my life could improve a little without the need to kill myself after my attempt on August 11th.

Unfortunately it didn't and I'm feeling worst and worst. Feels like the things that I need in life are impossible to achieve, such as moving out of my toxic home into a supported living environment or continuing with my 1 to 1 support which I'm still on the waiting list for, so whilst I wait i'm just taking sleeping pills and codeine.

Annoyingly I have a suicide pact with my therapist meaning that if I try and fail then she will have to report me but also I promised that I wouldn't attempt. Now I'm questioning why I even made the pact as it's a joke. Life doesn't improve, it just gets worst. It's made me feel more isolated as now I don't feel able to talk about suicide with her as I could do before.

Everyone says that I'm young at 19, but my whole life has been full of trauma and sadness and there is no way to get away from it.

I'm just stuck.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Hey everyone!
So I gave this site a break to see if things in my life could improve a little without the need to kill myself after my attempt on August 11th.

Unfortunately it didn't and I'm feeling worst and worst. Feels like the things that I need in life are impossible to achieve, such as moving out of my toxic home into a supported living environment or continuing with my 1 to 1 support which I'm still on the waiting list for, so whilst I wait i'm just taking sleeping pills and codeine.

Annoyingly I have a suicide pact with my therapist meaning that if I try and fail then she will have to report me but also I promised that I wouldn't attempt. Now I'm questioning why I even made the pact as it's a joke. Life doesn't improve, it just gets worst. It's made me feel more isolated as now I don't feel able to talk about suicide with her as I could do before.

Everyone says that I'm young at 19, but my whole life has been full of trauma and sadness and there is no way to get away from it.

I'm just stuck.

In a way it's good that you decided to give this site a break. How does one try to move on from depression and suicide ideation if you're constantly on a forum for suicidal people?

I'm sorry you're feeling really bad.
Are you getting help regarding your living situation?

This suicide pact thing with your therapist is what they often do. They tried it with me.
Essentially it boils down to "stay alive....for me....promise?".
It's emotional blackmail, especially if they're not helping you.

What would need to happen for you to feel as though you're making progress?

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

In a way it's good that you decided to give this site a break. How does one try to move on from depression and suicide ideation if you're constantly on a forum for suicidal people?

I'm sorry you're feeling really bad.
Are you getting help regarding your living situation?

This suicide pact thing with your therapist is what they often do. They tried it with me.
Essentially it boils down to "stay alive....for me....promise?".
It's emotional blackmail, especially if they're not helping you.

What would need to happen for you to feel as though you're making progress?

I mean that is true about being on a forum with suicidal idealation (however you spell it lol) but at the same time it's weirdly comforting!

I'm not receiving any help at the moment because of this stupid waiting list, once I start this support then I can be put on another list but that could take another 2 years. My social worker and therapist are aware as well but they said it's a waiting game now.

Well my therapist is a bit conflicting. I really like her and I trust her, shes the best therapist i've had and she says that she doesn't feel like she should be the judgement if someone takes their life or not but then makes the pact. The weird thing is she knew that I was going to end my life August 11th as that's my carers death date from suicide in 2019 and I told her that I was thinking about it.

To feel like I'm making progress would be to be accepted into the new support place or at least have my interview for it, then to be put on the supported living list. There is just so much stuff that goes on in my life that it feels like I never get the chance to talk about the stuff I need to in therapy because I need support with up coming event instead. My therapist and one other person is my only form of support as I don't have a relationship with my family.

 

[Ghost2211]

Perhaps you can find the support you need here. This group is about recovery as well.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Perhaps you can find the support you need here. This group is about recovery as well.

That is true

 

[JD8080]

I took a break too and now I am back. Orbits changed nothing for better. Life sucks worse by the day

 

[BPD Barbie]

I often take breaks from this site, but at times I think it's more beneficial for me to be here than not. I also know how you feel about being stuck, I'm stuck in a toxic environment as well and every day is hell on earth. My only option feels like suicide as every time I try and make plans to leave, something happens which prevents me. Be careful with the codeine though, it can be extremely addictive.

 

[Mr2005]

You're only 19. I was 19 in 2005. Now at 34 I'm stuck with no way out. You're doing the right thing seeking help now

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I'm sorry you are stuck in a toxic environment. I hope they can get you out of there very soon. It's good you are working with a therapist especially if she's the best one you ever had. RoseyBird is right we can be support for you here. There are so many caring people here.