Venting Stuck in mental limbo

[StateOfMind]

Every time I wake up I feel like its groundhog day.
Same shit different day especially as a 34 year old NEET existence is incredibly boring.
All I do is browse the web, watch TV and netflix. Repeat. And this for years now.
I don't want make any new friends or start something productive out of fear of becoming attached and hurt again (maybe that's what I need).
I have a solid method and a list of about 50 reasons to die but somehow I'm just not sad / angry enough to push through SI.
Apathy and acceptance has become my living nightmare.
Suffering and social isolation has almost become normal.
Please kill me lol

 

[shay23]

Sorry you feel that way, I'm in a similar place also. Here if you need to talk to anyone!

 

[OrdinaryDay]

Sounds cliche but you can try to find news ways to escape reality. I don't mean find yourself some sort of activity that you will enjoy but do whatever to make the time pass

 

[LenkaX]

I'm 37M in the same situation. I'm NEET and totally socially isolated. "Life" is just a boring thrash. Sometimes boring, sometimes painful, sometimes like a Hell. I wonder why I'm here on this world when I hate life and every day is just a torture.

 

[WornOutLife]

I couldn't have said it better: groundhog day

That's my life right now and this place (mental limbo) is probably hell itself.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Apathy and acceptance has become my living nightmare.

This exactly OP.
You become so used to the drudgery of life it stops bothering you as much.
Wake up and straight away scream internally for not killing yourself already.

Have you bothered trying one last time to go out and eet people if that is something that woud maybe make you feel better?

 

[StateOfMind]

This exactly OP.
You become so used to the drudgery of life it stops bothering you as much.
Wake up and straight away scream internally for not killing yourself already.

Have you bothered trying one last time to go out and eet people if that is something that woud maybe make you feel better?

I don't like how people taste..

 

[AutoTap]

I don't like how people taste..

Lolol

 

[StateOfMind]

Sounds cliche but you can try to find news ways to escape reality. I don't mean find yourself some sort of activity that you will enjoy but do whatever to make the time pass

I was hoping if I didn't do that it would help push me over the edge.
Which is the main goal.

 

[OrdinaryDay]

I was hoping if I didn't do that it would help push me over the edge.
Which is the main goal.

Alternatively you can: drink a lot, do some drugs idk, eat unhealthy, become sleep deprived and other unhealthy stuff

 

[AutoTap]

I was hoping if I didn't do that it would help push me over the edge.
Which is the main goal.

When I was getting ready to go. I just stopped and sat there in silence. Within a few seconds I hear that voice in my head saying, "I want to die." Or "ugh I'm so done." Then I followed those thought patterns and why that was as that's how your suppose to combat them. But when they're rational and logical it makes it worst. Hopefully this makes sense. Wish you well!

 

[any%]

Stuck there as well, from age 21 till now age 28. I have wasted potentially top notch years. I could collect some wild mushrooms and "accidentally" poison you, you just have to eat a last really nice meal, I would even make the pasta as sidedish myself. I saw them (the mushroom exits) every week in the forest in the last two months, but I am too chicken to do it that way. Though today on my forest walk I snacked on some beautiful fruits of deadly nightshade. But I know too well how many I can eat before the trip turns into death, so I did it because I waste my time everyday anyway. I heard somebody once say "Gaming, porn and YouTube right?" and that statement hit me pretty hard, because it was and partly is so damn true it hurts.

 

[StateOfMind]

Alternatively you can: drink a lot, do some drugs idk, eat unhealthy, become sleep deprived and other unhealthy stuff

I'm doing these things already.
They have almost become normal..

When I was getting ready to go. I just stopped and sat there in silence. Within a few seconds I hear that voice in my head saying, "I want to die." Or "ugh I'm so done." Then I followed those thought patterns and why that was as that's how your suppose to combat them. But when they're rational and logical it makes it worst. Hopefully this makes sense. Wish you well!

I read someone has mention something similar before maybe it was you?
Seems like a good start.
No distractions and just pure thoughts of death and why it makes the most sense.

 

[AutoTap]

I'm doing these things already.
They have almost become normal..

I read someone has mention something similar before maybe it was you?
Seems like a good start.
No distractions and just pure thoughts of death and why it makes the most sense.

Don't think it was me as I just discovered that recently. Wish you the best!

 

[StateOfMind]

Stuck there as well, from age 21 till now age 28. I have wasted potentially top notch years. I could collect some wild mushrooms and "accidentally" poison you, you just have to eat a last really nice meal, I would even make the pasta as sidedish myself. I saw them (the mushroom exits) every week in the forest in the last two months, but I am too chicken to do it that way. Though today on my forest walk I snacked on some beautiful fruits of deadly nightshade. But I know too well how many I can eat before the trip turns into death, so I did it because I waste my time everyday anyway. I heard somebody once say "Gaming, porn and YouTube right?" and that statement hit me pretty hard, because it was and partly is so damn true it hurts.

Well, I am almost at wits end so I might need to take you up on that shroom offer lol