Stuck in loop, every day is exactly the same repetitions, I'm tired

[UmbraDweller]

Wake up, lay in bed, stare into screen, body requires something from me. Go take care of it. I piss, I shit, I eat, I drink. Dress it up, splash its face. Find distraction, find occupation, find something to do. Sit. Stare into screens. Feed it again. Piss again. Shit again. Dress it again. Lay down again. Stare into screen again. Sleep again. Do it all again. How many again does it take? Does it ever end. It doesn't get better than this. Better than dealing with people, with job, with ordinary life. Can only switch up the loops, normal life is also loops. Different kind of repetitions. Life is repetitions.

 

[Pathetic and Sad]

Yes, life for the most part is repetition, but not all repetitions are equal. A normal 5 yo's routine would be wake up, wash up, eat up, dress up, go to school, come home, play, do hw, and sleep. It's loops on and on until maybe the end of middle or high school. but I have never seen a 8 yo, being suicidal despite living his life in repetitions for a couple years already. And there are so many happy people, who go to work and come home every day and still aren't suicidal, why? It's the quality of their repetitions. It's the quality of breaks they take during their looping. It's the social interactions they create during the loops, it's the progress they make during the loop and so many other things. Yes, both you and those happy people live in repetitions, but their repetitions are of clearly higher quality than yours, that's why they are not suicidal.

And the loop you are in is probably one of the most dreaded one's in today's age. My suggestion is to force yourself into some local school to learn a new skill or get a work and try meeting new people. Live in a higher quality repetition. And try making it exciting.

 

[idk3]

This is your jam

 

[UmbraDweller]

Yes, life for the most part is repetition, but not all repetitions are equal. A normal 5 yo's routine would be wake up, wash up, eat up, dress up, go to school, come home, play, do hw, and sleep. It's loops on and on until maybe the end of middle or high school. but I have never seen a 8 yo, being suicidal despite living his life in repetitions for a couple years already. And there are so many happy people, who go to work and come home every day and still aren't suicidal, why? It's the quality of their repetitions. It's the quality of breaks they take during their looping. It's the social interactions they create during the loops, it's the progress they make during the loop and so many other things. Yes, both you and those happy people live in repetitions, but their repetitions are of clearly higher quality than yours, that's why they are not suicidal.

And the loop you are in is probably one of the most dreaded one's in today's age. My suggestion is to force yourself into some local school to learn a new skill or get a work and try meeting new people. Live in a higher quality repetition. And try making it exciting.

Ofcourse it's not equal and I'm not denying there are happy people in this world. I'm not looking into becoming one of those "happy people" though, or continuing my life in the first place. As if the fact that I'm on this forum wasn't making it obvious enough? It took way more than my dreadful loop way of living to become suicidal. The way of how I'm living right now is more of a result than the cause.

Ofcourse a 8 year old child with similar routine and minimal experience of life is happier? Why even make such comparison.

You are not even aware of my background. Force myself to go to school, try to make life more exciting, get a job, meet new people? I even said those are worse to me than living like this. What are you even on about here?

I don't really undestand why would you even make such suggestions to someone on forum dedicated to suicide? Yee sure, let me go pick up gardening real quick and make new connections with people before i fucking slit my throat. If I wanted to get one of the "just go and live lol" advices I would post on reddit or recovery tab.

 

[J&L383]

Wake up, lay in bed, stare into screen, body requires something from me. Go take care of it. I piss, I shit, I eat, I drink. Dress it up, splash its face. Find distraction, find occupation, find something to do. Sit. Stare into screens. Feed it again. Piss again. Shit again. Dress it again. Lay down again. Stare into screen again. Sleep again. Do it all again. How many again does it take? Does it ever end. It doesn't get better than this. Better than dealing with people, with job, with ordinary life. Can only switch up the loops, normal life is also loops. Different kind of repetitions. Life is repetitions.

True, I agree to a large extent. But within the loops there are always tangents. One of my loops is a daily walk through the woods. And then I see the changes, the giant trees blown down in the windstorm, their roots yanked out of the ground soaring 12 ft high, the dozen baby geese being watched over by attentive parents, huddled together nibbling at the grass, their sole interest. For me little things still make a difference, but . . . . hangs heavy.

 

[Pathetic and Sad]

Ofcourse it's not equal and I'm not denying there are happy people in this world. I'm not looking into becoming one of those "happy people" though, or continuing my life in the first place. As if the fact that I'm on this forum wasn't making it obvious enough? It took way more than my dreadful loop way of living to become suicidal. The way of how I'm living right now is more of a result than the cause.

Ofcourse a 8 year old child with similar routine and minimal experience of life is happier? Why even make such comparison.

You are not even aware of my background. Force myself to go to school, try to make life more exciting, get a job, meet new people? I even said those are worse to me than living like this. What are you even on about here?

I don't really undestand why would you even make such suggestions to someone on forum dedicated to suicide? Yee sure, let me go pick up gardening real quick and make new connections with people before i fucking slit my throat. If I wanted to get one of the "just go and live lol" advices I would post on reddit or recovery tab.

Well, you made it sound like living in repetition is bad, always dreadful. By saying " It doesn't get better than this" you are insinuating you have reached the ultimate peak and have realised repetition is always boring and leads to suicidal ideations. I merely corrected that line of thought by stating all repetition are not of the same quality. The arrogance you projected on the post as if you know all there is to life is what compelled to make the comparison.

And when did I "force" you to go to school, or get a job to make life more exciting? It was merely a suggestion if you wanted to get out of this hellhole through the way of living. If not death is always an option, the last resort, but an option, nevertheless. I will always encourage you to live till you ask for ways to die, cuz only at the moment I will know that you have made your final decision and it's the point of no return. At the point, the only I will discourage you from will be to go out with an unreliable method, because living after an attempt will make you even more miserable that your current state. But even if you choose to die properly and reliably, I wouldn't encourage you, but I will pray for your peace.

And this form is not "dedicated" to suicide. It's more of a pro-choice site. If you want to die so bad, just ask for it. Just because you made a statement does not mean people will parade here with suggestions that you should die. You made a thread and people from all side will come here to give their own two cents. Just because I'm suicidal does not mean I have to agree with every damn thing you have to say.

 

[lnlybnny]

Ofcourse it's not equal and I'm not denying there are happy people in this world. I'm not looking into becoming one of those "happy people" though, or continuing my life in the first place. As if the fact that I'm on this forum wasn't making it obvious enough? It took way more than my dreadful loop way of living to become suicidal. The way of how I'm living right now is more of a result than the cause.

Ofcourse a 8 year old child with similar routine and minimal experience of life is happier? Why even make such comparison.

You are not even aware of my background. Force myself to go to school, try to make life more exciting, get a job, meet new people? I even said those are worse to me than living like this. What are you even on about here?

I don't really undestand why would you even make such suggestions to someone on forum dedicated to suicide? Yee sure, let me go pick up gardening real quick and make new connections with people before i fucking slit my throat. If I wanted to get one of the "just go and live lol" advices I would post on reddit or recovery tab.

i understand you, i don't know where these people having this kind of lazy ass responses are coming from, i got one yesterday and was baffled... i think normies are infiltrated here

 

[UmbraDweller]

Well, you made it sound like living in repetition is bad, always dreadful. By saying " It doesn't get better than this" you are insinuating you have reached the ultimate peak and have realised repetition is always boring and leads to suicidal ideations. I merely corrected that line of thought by stating all repetition are not of the same quality. The arrogance you projected on the post as if you know all there is to life is what compelled to make the comparison.

And when did I "force" you to go to school, or get a job to make life more exciting? It was merely a suggestion if you wanted to get out of this hellhole through the way of living. If not death is always an option, the last resort, but an option, nevertheless. I will always encourage you to live till you ask for ways to die, cuz only at the moment I will know that you have made your final decision and it's the point of no return. At the point, the only I will discourage you from will be to go out with an unreliable method, because living after an attempt will make you even more miserable that your current state. But even if you choose to die properly and reliably, I wouldn't encourage you, but I will pray for your peace.

And this form is not "dedicated" to suicide. It's more of a pro-choice site. If you want to die so bad, just ask for it. Just because you made a statement does not mean people will parade here with suggestions that you should die. You made a thread and people from all side will come here to give their own two cents. Just because I'm suicidal does not mean I have to agree with every damn thing you have to say.

I can only speak from my point of view and that's exactly what I did, describing my own life. I wasn't refering to other peoples experiences just venting about what my life has come to. And yeah I do see it as the ultimate peak, for myself, considering my own situation, I'm not saying that for entirety of peoples lifes. Theres was no arrogance intended.

I did't say you are forcing me to anything, I was quoting what you wrote "My suggestion is to force yourself into some local school to learn a new skill or get a work and try meeting new people." You are just nitpicking on a word here.

And definitely not asking for everyone here to agree with me on anything at all, simply saying stuff on my mind. Some may vibe with it, some may not, and thats alright.

 

[TapeMachine]

I feel you. I'm stuck in a meaningless loop myself. Been here for a few years.

Most days, I'm able to distract myself enough with this or that worthless task/activity; but some days (like the past few days), the reality of my life's futility is glaringly obvious and impossible to ignore. I want to cry, but I cannot. I want to wrap my arms around someone I love and trust, bury my face in their chest and feel the warmth of their body, but this person does not exist for me any longer.

I do my best to convince myself that I do not care, that I'm just a cold and unaffectionate person anyway; but that's just copium.

Anyway, I sympathize with you, @UmbraDweller. Our repetitions/loops might torture us in different ways, but it's torture nonetheless.

 

[calebzz1]

I feel the same way with my visual impairment after surgery.

There's no remedy despite who I talk to or interact with, everyday is identical.