Wyldfyre4948
Waiting for my bus
- Jul 12, 2023
- 377
This year has beat the shit out of me every chance it got. Death has been a constant thought in my head and I've had numerous attempts. My self worth is gone and the fact that I've failed so many times didn't help. I'm an all around failure it would seem. Nobody wants me and I can't trust anyone after a lifetime of being burned by friends and family. Despite how horrible everything is going I've taken a more passive mindset to death.
If a sure thing comes up I'd probably go for it, but I've been guilted into sticking around. My family has been trying to help me through this. I'm not really getting better, and that has me putting on a show for their peace of mind. Everything is bleak but I don't want to break their hearts after they've tried. Though I've had a couple people tell me I need to get out of this funk I'm in. That's about as effective as telling someone who's angry to calm down.
Maybe I'll spend this time researching other ways to ctb. Really dreading these holidays coming up. I keep hoping to fall asleep one night and just not wake up. Things has seemingly been getting worse since the start of 2020 for me. Think I'm just doomed to live.
If a sure thing comes up I'd probably go for it, but I've been guilted into sticking around. My family has been trying to help me through this. I'm not really getting better, and that has me putting on a show for their peace of mind. Everything is bleak but I don't want to break their hearts after they've tried. Though I've had a couple people tell me I need to get out of this funk I'm in. That's about as effective as telling someone who's angry to calm down.
Maybe I'll spend this time researching other ways to ctb. Really dreading these holidays coming up. I keep hoping to fall asleep one night and just not wake up. Things has seemingly been getting worse since the start of 2020 for me. Think I'm just doomed to live.