Stuck between suicide and starting a new life

[imstillhungry]

I overdosed on a massive amount of propanolol and sleeping pills 2 weeks ago. This was before I found out about this website and SN lol. Sadly was found within an hour (won't make that mistake again) and survived. I'm still suicidal and absolutely nothing has changed. If anything my life has managed to get progressively worse since then. Who knew that was even possible.

I was planning on attempting again (with SN) but someone suggested that instead I metaphorically 'kill' this current version of myself, move to the other side of the planet and start a new life. I seriously considered it for a few days, but then I realised no matter where I go or what I do I'll never be able to escape the past or my brain. So I scrapped that idea and went back to my original plan.

Now that my departure date draws closer, I'm starting to wonder if I should have given moving abroad a shot. Has anyone done this or felt like this? Any advice?

 

[UninformedLover]

I too have felt like this. Often times its during the night when I lay awake thinking of many things. It mainly stems from the fact I am scared of dying but am suicidal - how ridiculous huh?

My advice to you is to do it. There is no harm in trying right? If it doesn't work out you can always go through with your original plan and ctb. You can't change the past but you can shape the future and tailor it to your liking. Sometimes I think its best to exhaust all options before cutting the cord. Really what do you feel is the right thing to do? I know you're asking for advice lol but what is your heart telling you?

 

[imstillhungry]

I too have felt like this. Often times its during the night when I lay awake thinking of many things. It mainly stems from the fact I am scared of dying but am suicidal - how ridiculous huh?

My advice to you is to do it. There is no harm in trying right? If it doesn't work out you can always go through with your original plan and ctb. You can't change the past but you can shape the future and tailor it to your liking. Sometimes I think its best to exhaust all options before cutting the cord. Really what do you feel is the right thing to do? I know you're asking for advice lol but what is your heart telling you?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm with you on being scared of dying, it's a strange situation to be in. The fear of the unknown is the worst. If we knew what's on the other side it would be so much easier to make a decision.

I change my mind about 100 times a day. On one hand I've suffered enough and I'm more than ready to end it, but then there's a tiny bit of hope that if I start a new life things might get better.. however unlikely.

I guess you're right that it's best to exhaust all options, and if it doesn't work out I can just ctb afterwards. Then I'd be able to die in peace knowing I tried everything I could. God I hope I don't stick around and continue to suffer for nothing lol

 

[Quax]

Yes, going abroad may be a chance to get things better, other people, other culture, different surroundings less trigger for bad thoughts. It won't heal everything instantly, but it can show you that there is a future for you. And in case it fails....then there is still...you know....a bus somewhere.....

 

[orangepulp]

Why not try a new life and if it doesn't work, there is always the back up option? That's what I did and the new life hasn't worked.

 

[I’vehadenough]

Try the new life first, if it doesn't work, kill yourself, but give it everything you got

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I overdosed on a massive amount of propanolol and sleeping pills 2 weeks ago. This was before I found out about this website and SN lol. Sadly was found within an hour (won't make that mistake again) and survived. I'm still suicidal and absolutely nothing has changed. If anything my life has managed to get progressively worse since then. Who knew that was even possible.

I was planning on attempting again (with SN) but someone suggested that instead I metaphorically 'kill' this current version of myself, move to the other side of the planet and start a new life. I seriously considered it for a few days, but then I realised no matter where I go or what I do I'll never be able to escape the past or my brain. So I scrapped that idea and went back to my original plan.

Now that my departure date draws closer, I'm starting to wonder if I should have given moving abroad a shot. Has anyone done this or felt like this? Any advice?

I found it helpful for a bit, but it's important to plan and change some habits and really go out and meet people.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Right. Death will always be there.