JTG1972
Set on my path, just need the strength
- Oct 2, 2019
- 51
I have all my materials (SN method) I've written and rewritten versions of my note, though I might not even leave one in the end. I keep losing track of time and just thinking that the way out is right there. I have wasted fifty years of life almost and every day is a battle just to get out of bed or to take care of myself and the house. I put on a smile for my wife and lie that I'm fine to not worry her but the need to go is just getting stronger by the day. I'm wasting her time. I've failed to do anything else she needs me to do, I need to man up and do this one thing if nothing else.
I had planned to go in December when she was away. Then November felt right, maybe when she was at work. Now I feel like I am losing my grip on things and if I can just wait until she falls asleep tonight maybe I can do it before she wakes up or I chicken out. It feels like if I don't do it now I never will and I will be trapped here and she will be trapped with me.
Feels like I'm going crazy.
I had planned to go in December when she was away. Then November felt right, maybe when she was at work. Now I feel like I am losing my grip on things and if I can just wait until she falls asleep tonight maybe I can do it before she wakes up or I chicken out. It feels like if I don't do it now I never will and I will be trapped here and she will be trapped with me.
Feels like I'm going crazy.