Venting Strangers online - my experience from another website

[madbananas]

So someone on another website who knows I'm seriously thinking about ending my life (I have the rope now) has been messaging me saying he wants to meet up with me, watch me do it and take pictures of me while I'm doing it and after I've done it. I said no. Now he is getting on at me saying I need to let other people into my life if I want a possibility of things getting better (which I do - but alas it's too late, false hope even, the stupid thing keeping me here). He was also telling me that it is certain a specific person in my life has left me behind for good and will never talk to me again. He knows fine well about my abandonment problems as well so him using language like that is just the worst (and I've made him aware of this). And he claims he feels the same as me, that he's been through the exact same thing. I am actually living in hell.

edit: funnily enough as horrible as it is, it is actually quite comforting in a confusing, sick way that someone would go to that effort for me. Being cut off my so many people at one time does strange things to me!

 

[bov]

What a monster. Cut ties, and maybe cut down the rope for now too. If you're giving this person the time of day, maybe it's not the time to be making such a major decision. No judgments here, just feeling protective of you.

 

[Stick]

And he claims he feels the same as me, that he's been through the exact same thing. I am actually living in hell.

Wtf is wrong with that person? Someone who feels the same as you wouldn't be so cruel to you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. I agree with bov I think you just need to cut them off if you can; they sound toxic.

 

[madbananas]

What a monster. Cut ties, and maybe cut down the rope for now too. If you're giving this person the time of day, maybe it's not the time to be making such a major decision. No judgments here, just feeling protective of you.

Thank you. I don't have the rope situated in place (it will be in the woods when I do it), I just have it in its packaging in my wardrobe. I appreciate the concern people here are the only ones who care about me

 

[woxihuanni]

Stop talking to the person. He is a (potential) criminal in a serious way.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

what the hell? people like that are the scum of the earth. how can they say such things to somebody? i agree with stick and bov. you should definitely cut them off for your wellbeing.

 

[madbananas]

Wtf is wrong with that person? Someone who feels the same as you wouldn't be so cruel to you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. I agree with bov I think you just need to cut them off if you can; they sound toxic.

Thank you, yeah I'm not messaging him any further. It was a red flag when he kept messaging me asking to meet up after I'd said no because he only knows me for my suicidal ideation and I find it strange how far he wants to travel for that and apparently a coffee before hand. I'm not looking to get tortured, assaulted or anything else lol I just want to end my life by myself, mainly because it will obviously be an undignified ending.

Stop talking to the person. He is a (potential) criminal in a serious way.

Thank you. I have done so.

what the hell? people like that are the scum of the earth. how can they say such things to somebody? i agree with stick and bov. you should definitely cut them off for your wellbeing.

I'm typically compassionate person but he's not getting the "no" message when I've been clear about it (and the whole picture thing was a major shock) so I'm absolutely not messaging him back now.

 

[pole]

hey, sorry to hear about what your going through.

first off, i'd HIGHLY ADVISE YOU to stop speaking with that person. these are my thoughts and my thoughts only, so you can 1000 percent disagree.

being there for someone ending their life is one thing. ctb is a difficult decision and not everyone wants to be alone during this time. however, wanting to be there for someone as well as TAKING PICTURES before and after is both insensitive and it isnt normal either. and as disgusting as this sounds and god i hate even writing this out but you dont know what else this person may do with you after you've fell unconscious. they have a wierd vibe to them.

ontop of this, they choose to not take no for an answer and feel the need not to respect your wishes by then taking advantage of your vulnerability and telling you that you just need to let someone into your life to help you so you can keep your guard down, when that SOMEONE is him trying to get your guard down so he can further make you feel comfortable about him, no questions asked and he can further his interests.

furthermore, he toys with your abandonment issues and what you've already told him to persuade you into thinking all of this is okay, while trying to make you feel like you have nothing to worry about, just let him in, you guys feel the same and you guys are the same person. the continous neglecting of your wishes and forcing his hand by wanting to have your guard down so you accept him with open arms and dont think twice about him are red flags. its extremely manipulative to further his own gains.

i do believe this persons extremely predatory in how he behaves. i also have a feeling you may have a gut feeling telling you this as well, which is why you were wary enough to even post this thread and ask.

my advice would be to not get close to someone on that level on a platform like this. you NEVER know someones true intentions and who someone truly is as a person. meeting up with someone will ALWAYS have risks and you will never be completely sure. being on this forum for however long i've been on it, i know that we've had situations that have just turned out for the worse and that there were red flags that a person missed because of how desperate they were. trust your gut feeling and think twice about how close you get with someone on here and always be critical of what someone says and their intentions.

its hard for us to police off-site activities as well. you can PM me about this if you need someone to speak with as this to me shouldnt be taken lightly.

hope you find peace with whatever you choose to do.

take care.

 

[Life_and_Death]

hey, sorry to hear about what your going through.

first off, i'd HIGHLY ADVISE YOU to stop speaking with that person. these are my thoughts and my thoughts only, so you can 1000 percent disagree.

being there for someone ending their life is one thing. ctb is a difficult decision and not everyone wants to be alone during this time. however, wanting to be there for someone as well as TAKING PICTURES before and after is both insensitive and it isnt normal either. and as disgusting as this sounds and god i hate even writing this out but you dont know what else this person may do with you after you've fell unconscious. they have a wierd vibe to them.

ontop of this, they choose to not take no for an answer and feel the need not to respect your wishes by then taking advantage of your vulnerability and telling you that you just need to let someone into your life to help you so you can keep your guard down, when that SOMEONE is him trying to get your guard down so he can further make you feel comfortable about him, no questions asked and he can further his interests.

furthermore, he toys with your abandonment issues and what you've already told him to persuade you into thinking all of this is okay, while trying to make you feel like you have nothing to worry about, just let him in, you guys feel the same and you guys are the same person. the continous neglecting of your wishes and forcing his hand by wanting to have your guard down so you accept him with open arms and dont think twice about him are red flags. its extremely manipulative to further his own gains.

i do believe this persons extremely predatory in how he behaves. i also have a feeling you may have a gut feeling telling you this as well, which is why you were wary enough to even post this thread and ask.

my advice would be to not get close to someone on that level on a platform like this. you NEVER know someones true intentions and who someone truly is as a person. meeting up with someone will ALWAYS have risks and you will never be completely sure. being on this forum for however long i've been on it, i know that we've had situations that have just turned out for the worse and that there were red flags that a person missed because of how desperate they were. trust your gut feeling and think twice about how close you get with someone on here and always be critical of what someone says and their intentions.

its hard for us to police off-site activities as well. you can PM me about this if you need someone to speak with as this to me shouldnt be taken lightly.

hope you find peace with whatever you choose to do.

take care.

i was gonna say the pictures and everything were kinda creepy but you said it all. lol

yeah OP id listen to this they sound really creepy

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That person is a predator.

And "I'm just like you" is a common persuasive sales technique.

Sales is a misnomer, though, because someone who's selling is doing it for their own profit and benefit, not the consumer of whatever they're ostensibly selling. In this case, fertilizer. I always preferred service over sales.

I really appreciate how you later pointed out in a comment that this person kept sending up red flags and trying to get you to greenlight them. This example helps others recognize when they experience it, and gives them a positive example of recognizing it and getting away from it. A red flag is a red flag. Predators want victims to override them by overintellectualizing the behaviors, making excuses for them, being nice so as not to upset them, etc.

 

[Cheesecake]

So someone on another website who knows I'm seriously thinking about ending my life (I have the rope now) has been messaging me saying he wants to meet up with me, watch me do it and take pictures of me while I'm doing it and after I've done it. I said no. Now he is getting on at me saying I need to let other people into my life if I want a possibility of things getting better (which I do - but alas it's too late, false hope even, the stupid thing keeping me here). He was also telling me that it is certain a specific person in my life has left me behind for good and will never talk to me again. He knows fine well about my abandonment problems as well so him using language like that is just the worst (and I've made him aware of this). And he claims he feels the same as me, that he's been through the exact same thing. I am actually living in hell.

edit: funnily enough as horrible as it is, it is actually quite comforting in a confusing, sick way that someone would go to that effort for me. Being cut off my so many people at one time does strange things to me!

I have a feeling this man is gonna do bad things with ur corpse if u do meet up, or just bad things in general, block him ASAP

 

[madbananas]

hey, sorry to hear about what your going through.

first off, i'd HIGHLY ADVISE YOU to stop speaking with that person. these are my thoughts and my thoughts only, so you can 1000 percent disagree.

being there for someone ending their life is one thing. ctb is a difficult decision and not everyone wants to be alone during this time. however, wanting to be there for someone as well as TAKING PICTURES before and after is both insensitive and it isnt normal either. and as disgusting as this sounds and god i hate even writing this out but you dont know what else this person may do with you after you've fell unconscious. they have a wierd vibe to them.

ontop of this, they choose to not take no for an answer and feel the need not to respect your wishes by then taking advantage of your vulnerability and telling you that you just need to let someone into your life to help you so you can keep your guard down, when that SOMEONE is him trying to get your guard down so he can further make you feel comfortable about him, no questions asked and he can further his interests.

furthermore, he toys with your abandonment issues and what you've already told him to persuade you into thinking all of this is okay, while trying to make you feel like you have nothing to worry about, just let him in, you guys feel the same and you guys are the same person. the continous neglecting of your wishes and forcing his hand by wanting to have your guard down so you accept him with open arms and dont think twice about him are red flags. its extremely manipulative to further his own gains.

i do believe this persons extremely predatory in how he behaves. i also have a feeling you may have a gut feeling telling you this as well, which is why you were wary enough to even post this thread and ask.

my advice would be to not get close to someone on that level on a platform like this. you NEVER know someones true intentions and who someone truly is as a person. meeting up with someone will ALWAYS have risks and you will never be completely sure. being on this forum for however long i've been on it, i know that we've had situations that have just turned out for the worse and that there were red flags that a person missed because of how desperate they were. trust your gut feeling and think twice about how close you get with someone on here and always be critical of what someone says and their intentions.

its hard for us to police off-site activities as well. you can PM me about this if you need someone to speak with as this to me shouldnt be taken lightly.

hope you find peace with whatever you choose to do.

take care.

Thank you for the reply. I am absolutely not taking him up on that offer. As I feel shameful and worthless (dang having BPD) it was tempting because I do get those "I'm deserving of harm" kind of thoughts. But the least I can give to myself in my last moments whenever they come, is as much dignity and respect as possible. After all, I'm completely erasing my existence so at the end of the day that is the ultimate sacrifice for others, I don't need to have additional bad things happen to me when I'm dying and dead. Thank you again for the kind advice.

i was gonna say the pictures and everything were kinda creepy but you said it all. lol

yeah OP id listen to this they sound really creepy

Yep definitely creepy. It would be my first modelling job though lol (sorry, sick joke haha). But I'm definitely not taking the offer up.

 

[Cant Maintain]

This is a major red flag and I would run from it. Other people actively encouraging you to ctb like this is fucking gross, abusive, and manipulative. It's a very personal choice and should remain thus. You need to cut ties with this person.
Like i'm sorry, is this sick fuck getting off at the thought of a photo shoot of someone in their most vulnerable moments for some sick snuff shoot.

 

[madbananas]

That person is a predator.

And "I'm just like you" is a common persuasive sales technique.

Sales is a misnomer, though, because someone who's selling is doing it for their own profit and benefit, not the consumer of whatever they're ostensibly selling. In this case, fertilizer. I always preferred service over sales.

I really appreciate how you later pointed out in a comment that this person kept sending up red flags and trying to get you to greenlight them. This example helps others recognize when they experience it, and gives them a positive example of recognizing it and getting away from it. A red flag is a red flag. Predators want victims to override them by overintellectualizing the behaviors, making excuses for them, being nice so as not to upset them, etc.

Thank you. Yeah you're right, definitely major red flags and I am lucky enough I am able to spot them from a mile off. I'm not so lucky in the sense that I feel bad for people all the time, even when I shouldn't. Because of the worthlessness feelings as well I was briefly tempted because when I generally feel I deserve harm, I sometimes do things which puts me in huge risk. But I don't need to bother with that if I'm planning on ending my life anyway. Extra harm is not necessary. And no one deserves that kind of treatment anyway.

This is a major red flag and I would run from it. Other people actively encouraging you to ctb like this is fucking gross, abusive, and manipulative. It's a very personal choice and should remain thus. You need to cut ties with this person.
Like i'm sorry, is this sick fuck getting off at the thought of a photo shoot of someone in their most vulnerable moments for some sick snuff shoot.

Yeah I have done now. Not blocked him but just not answering his message. I am absolutely not taking up the offer.

I have a feeling this man is gonna do bad things with ur corpse if u do meet up, or just bad things in general, block him ASAP

Thank you, I'm definitely not taking up the offer

 

[ladolcemorte]

To echo everyone else: don't talk to this guy ever again. You don't owe him anything. At best he's voyeuristic and obsessed with death, and he sees you as a mere object to carry out his fantasies... At worst he's a serial killer, scoping out vulnerable women that he can reel in...

 

[tidalwxves]

So someone on another website who knows I'm seriously thinking about ending my life (I have the rope now) has been messaging me saying he wants to meet up with me, watch me do it and take pictures of me while I'm doing it and after I've done it. I said no. Now he is getting on at me saying I need to let other people into my life if I want a possibility of things getting better (which I do - but alas it's too late, false hope even, the stupid thing keeping me here). He was also telling me that it is certain a specific person in my life has left me behind for good and will never talk to me again. He knows fine well about my abandonment problems as well so him using language like that is just the worst (and I've made him aware of this). And he claims he feels the same as me, that he's been through the exact same thing. I am actually living in hell.

edit: funnily enough as horrible as it is, it is actually quite comforting in a confusing, sick way that someone would go to that effort for me. Being cut off my so many people at one time does strange things to me!

I'm sorry you are going through this, definitely cut ties, no matter what you decide they are not healthy for you to be around and you don't deserve that.