It's a weird thing to be thankful about, since having no friends can be a great source of loneliness. I got used to the feeling when I turned 12, ironically when I had my first and last friend. I don't feel lonely which I find odd. The reason I'm thankful is because I don't have to worry about "But think about your friends they would miss you!" It's nicer to not have to worry about that. I say this because when I think about my parents (who I resent, but still pity and worry about) and siblings it makes me feel guilty thinking about CTB. But that will never be an enough reason to stay. I wish I could CTB without having to worry about anyone but myself, which is a good reason I will never want or have a partner, child, or friend.
Deleted member 19654
Working towards recovery.
- Jul 9, 2020
- 1,628
I can relate to this. I pushed away a lot of my friends because it feels like it would hurt them less if I did ctb. I don't want to date either because I don't want to drag someone into my mess when I'm depressed and suicidal.
It's nearly impossible to have zero social connections. The relationships you build here will effect you and them when either dies. It's easy to forgot we matter to others when we don't matter to ourself.
Mm80
Enlightened
- May 15, 2019
- 1,604
Your very philosophical tonight rosie, in the words of the great late george michael...careless splifter?
nerve
fat cringey shut-in
- Jun 19, 2019
- 1,011
Me too. I still get lonely, but if I'm being honest, that's easier to deal with than the pressures and obligations of keeping friends.
I had a friend years ago who was really struggling. He eventually told me I was the only one around who would listen to him talk about his problems and I remember thinking, "I can't just leave him here alone." These days he's doing a lot better and we hardly talk. Once I stopped feeling bitter about that, I was mostly relieved to have one less thing tethering me to this planet. The thought of nobody needing me here is so soothing.
I had a friend years ago who was really struggling. He eventually told me I was the only one around who would listen to him talk about his problems and I remember thinking, "I can't just leave him here alone." These days he's doing a lot better and we hardly talk. Once I stopped feeling bitter about that, I was mostly relieved to have one less thing tethering me to this planet. The thought of nobody needing me here is so soothing.
Mm80
Enlightened
- May 15, 2019
- 1,604
Oh right i see. Your very strong as it doesnt show on here what you going through you continue to help others x
A few laughs and hugs and it's all good. I like helping others. I know how it feels to have nobody to turn to. it makes me sad how many people here deal with that. Everyone deserves to feel loved.
Mm80
Enlightened
- May 15, 2019
- 1,604
It feels just a little bit better to not feel like you're stressing someone out because you are the source of it.
True... even when I try to have less social connections there's always that one I can't get rid of even if I wanted to.
Yup. When no one needs you it's one step closer to not existing which is something I really want.
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