I have been lurking for a while, as about a month ago I decided to CTB. I've had suicidal thoughts from as early as I can remember, my earliest memory was age 5 or 6 and asking my Mum why I couldn't just go, and her telling me I was too young and life has so much to offer. For the past four years, there has been very little light, the only thing keeping me going is the cliche but true, Mum would be sad. I can't take it anymore, so I have decided to act.
My plan I formed from when I was around 10 was hypoxia via inert gas, which I thought about as I watched a documentary on a mining accident where argon filled the shaft, and people kept going in and dying, and they explained about the detection of CO2 being the mechanism for distress, not lack of oxygen. However, my main concern with this method is a tight seal, and making sure that it goes all the way. I bought I mask about 3 years ago and did some tests, but I wasn't convinced with the ability to hold the seal if I moved about, which I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't.
My next idea ironically came from my Mum. She used to be a veterinary nurse, and had to put animals down. The chemical used was pentobaritone, and she described the process as peaceful. Research into acquiring this drug lead me here, where I learned it is a form of N. I find it disgusting that it is restricted by governments, forcing the price to be so ridiculously high. The price for pentobaritone has increased dramatically for medicinal purposes (ie vets) due to regulation, but on the black market it has skyrocketed. I had a friend, more of an acquaintance, who was a veterinary assistant. After some drunk nights I found out that he occasionally stole and sold tranqs. I inquired about he easily he could get me some, and he told me he could probably get me half a bottle or so for £100, he told me he'd drop a fake bottle while handling it and pocket the real one, so as to avoid suspicion. This was about a year and a half ago, and I had that as my plan. However, about six months ago he got caught red handed and is now in prison, sentenced for 10 years.
So my next plan was GBH. My downstairs neighbour ODed on it about a years ago, she said she remembers being at the party, then waking up after a coma almost 2 days later. She was released from hospital less than a day after waking up, and she suffered little to no adverse effects after about a week. Her friends told her she did 2 2ml doses, and only had 1 vodka shot. Reading up on it, it seems fairly peaceful as a sedative, It's really cheap, and if it goes wrong, the negative consequences shouldn't be too bad. Shopping around I found GBL is both cheaper and easier to OD on So I bought 100ml for about £30. It has more extreme affects when combined with alcohol and other respiratory depressants like benzos.
Alcohol is obviously easy to get, and I ordered 50 tabs of Alpramazam, however the package seems not to have come through, not sure if it's a covid delay or not but there is still time before the big day. So the plan for the main event is simple, mix up most of the GBL with some alcoholic beverage (most likely Jack and Coke), pop some pills if they arrive, put on my playlist and go to bed.
I've made some final preparations and would like input as to things I may have missed.
I've set up scheduled emails to inform people who need to know about my passing (My Mum, my landlord, the coroner, my boss) set to send 36 hours after I head off to bed.
I've pre-purchased a funeral plan that covers everything I need, as well as left wiggle room with the provider should my parents want to do something different (I don't care about my body, I just don't want them getting the hefty bill)
Packed up my things and labelled them for my folks to identify what they want from my stuff
Handwritten notes to the people who I care for, giving them a heartfelt goodbye.
Am I missing anything I should do beforehand?
Thank you for being such a positive and supportive group, I know this is my first post but I've lurked for a long time.
My plan I formed from when I was around 10 was hypoxia via inert gas, which I thought about as I watched a documentary on a mining accident where argon filled the shaft, and people kept going in and dying, and they explained about the detection of CO2 being the mechanism for distress, not lack of oxygen. However, my main concern with this method is a tight seal, and making sure that it goes all the way. I bought I mask about 3 years ago and did some tests, but I wasn't convinced with the ability to hold the seal if I moved about, which I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't.
My next idea ironically came from my Mum. She used to be a veterinary nurse, and had to put animals down. The chemical used was pentobaritone, and she described the process as peaceful. Research into acquiring this drug lead me here, where I learned it is a form of N. I find it disgusting that it is restricted by governments, forcing the price to be so ridiculously high. The price for pentobaritone has increased dramatically for medicinal purposes (ie vets) due to regulation, but on the black market it has skyrocketed. I had a friend, more of an acquaintance, who was a veterinary assistant. After some drunk nights I found out that he occasionally stole and sold tranqs. I inquired about he easily he could get me some, and he told me he could probably get me half a bottle or so for £100, he told me he'd drop a fake bottle while handling it and pocket the real one, so as to avoid suspicion. This was about a year and a half ago, and I had that as my plan. However, about six months ago he got caught red handed and is now in prison, sentenced for 10 years.
So my next plan was GBH. My downstairs neighbour ODed on it about a years ago, she said she remembers being at the party, then waking up after a coma almost 2 days later. She was released from hospital less than a day after waking up, and she suffered little to no adverse effects after about a week. Her friends told her she did 2 2ml doses, and only had 1 vodka shot. Reading up on it, it seems fairly peaceful as a sedative, It's really cheap, and if it goes wrong, the negative consequences shouldn't be too bad. Shopping around I found GBL is both cheaper and easier to OD on So I bought 100ml for about £30. It has more extreme affects when combined with alcohol and other respiratory depressants like benzos.
Alcohol is obviously easy to get, and I ordered 50 tabs of Alpramazam, however the package seems not to have come through, not sure if it's a covid delay or not but there is still time before the big day. So the plan for the main event is simple, mix up most of the GBL with some alcoholic beverage (most likely Jack and Coke), pop some pills if they arrive, put on my playlist and go to bed.
I've made some final preparations and would like input as to things I may have missed.
I've set up scheduled emails to inform people who need to know about my passing (My Mum, my landlord, the coroner, my boss) set to send 36 hours after I head off to bed.
I've pre-purchased a funeral plan that covers everything I need, as well as left wiggle room with the provider should my parents want to do something different (I don't care about my body, I just don't want them getting the hefty bill)
Packed up my things and labelled them for my folks to identify what they want from my stuff
Handwritten notes to the people who I care for, giving them a heartfelt goodbye.
Am I missing anything I should do beforehand?
Thank you for being such a positive and supportive group, I know this is my first post but I've lurked for a long time.
