YandereMikuMistress
you say falling victim to myself is weak, so be it
- Apr 26, 2023
- 546
It'd been a minute since I've really posted but I don't care really I'm just so sick of trying, not here just irl, I'm grateful my partner will no longer have to worry about were there going to live and to my older brother I'm very nervous about him moving with us,, shit let me start a bit earlier, been applying for jobs the last three months now with no results, had a interview yesterday at some coffee shop, guess I'll see how that goes, i hate the fake atmosphere of cafes and coffee shops, but I'm in desperate need of money to maintain a more relaxed life id like my partner to be able to live, rn I managed to apply for sick benefits so at least that's some form of money, plus I'd like my brother to move outta my grandma's basement he'll stay there if someone doesn't get him out, I think of him allot I think about his own personal mental health I know,, hes moving with us without a job but he has welfare I believe, some kind of benefits for mental distress, I just couldn't ask the government gor that because I'm just not strong enough or willing enough to shine a spotlight on myself like that, tho that's fucked of me to say since there's nothing wrong with what he's doing,, I'm glad he's doing that rather then slowly deciding to off himself while slaving away to some corporation,, he says he's sorry about the kind of person he once was when we were little,, I know he feels guilt, but I can't just forgive completely, not after everything,, I just, can't,, I still get nightmare's and triggers I haven't been able to heal since, but I love him, and I always will, I could never not love you Lamb.
Anyhow were moving on the first of February and my partner may have also told the landlord when we were signing papers that we don't smoke or have pets, soo I guess that means I won't be getting my cat yet still and I guess since he's quiting smoking I gotta quit, but Im secretly going to keep a stash obviously, and I'll tell the landlord when Avory isn't around to ask him if it's okay that I smoke as long as I walk down the street or something,, I'd look weird AF holding a bong along the street in a nice suburban neighborhood, but ay fuck it I gotta get use to judgement sometime right,,
My partner switched to zyns and my other older brother j likes zyns, and plus I never planned to stop smoking, it's pretty pathetic on my own part but I can't imagine myself quiting, at least not right now,, I already find being awake difficult enough, and if I won't allow myself to stoop to my eldest brothers crackhead level then might I just have weed if nothing else, allow me that!
I'm not to excited really but I'm relieved for my partner and hey at least we won't be living at his mom and step dads anymore, plus that dog I won't have to snap, I play it's just a poorly trained dog and fyi it wasn't trained and wasn't fixed and wears a diaper, it's not even a dog,, it's owners failed him unfortunately. Wow tho once we move I can cuss out his step dad for everything he's done to the family he thinks are his completely,, I don't care I'll say it you don't get to ust forget about what you did just because your lil bitch wife who was also once a victim but now just brainwashed saying shit on how it was her own uncared for 14 year olds fault for being groomed and getting pregnant from some 20 year old an how it was not the adults fault and how it was all her,, no matter what, it wasn't your fault,, but I see and have heard enough to get an idea why she'd think like that,, I mean your Environment genuinely shapes you as a person,, and her environment just wasn't good, mine either it just different I couldn't leave the house she couldn't stay at the house, but that's no excuse for not sticking up and believing your own children when they come to confine in you for help,, and so I dont care if I hurt the feelings of some pedo groomer that's got ocd and schizophrenia and an insane victim complex, I don't give a fuck if it hurts there goofy fuckin feelings.
Okayy besides that
Strange thing about the landlord when we went and signed the papers yesterday we met him at his work, he's a pharmacist and the store was closing in five minutes but he let us just sit inside on some chairs and when we got up after a bit and walked over to him after he asked us some questions behind the pharmacy desk and we filled out some papers I and my partner noticed he had his fly down, and I think he noticed we noticed because then he just quickly apologized and zipped them up and sanitized his hands before ending are conversation after we signed the lease,, I'm just very skeptical of everyone and that was a little concerning but I keep telling myself they must have gone the bathroom thirty minutes before we got in here they must have kinda thing I mean we sat in there for half an hour.
Anyhow were moving on the first of February and my partner may have also told the landlord when we were signing papers that we don't smoke or have pets, soo I guess that means I won't be getting my cat yet still and I guess since he's quiting smoking I gotta quit, but Im secretly going to keep a stash obviously, and I'll tell the landlord when Avory isn't around to ask him if it's okay that I smoke as long as I walk down the street or something,, I'd look weird AF holding a bong along the street in a nice suburban neighborhood, but ay fuck it I gotta get use to judgement sometime right,,
My partner switched to zyns and my other older brother j likes zyns, and plus I never planned to stop smoking, it's pretty pathetic on my own part but I can't imagine myself quiting, at least not right now,, I already find being awake difficult enough, and if I won't allow myself to stoop to my eldest brothers crackhead level then might I just have weed if nothing else, allow me that!
I'm not to excited really but I'm relieved for my partner and hey at least we won't be living at his mom and step dads anymore, plus that dog I won't have to snap, I play it's just a poorly trained dog and fyi it wasn't trained and wasn't fixed and wears a diaper, it's not even a dog,, it's owners failed him unfortunately. Wow tho once we move I can cuss out his step dad for everything he's done to the family he thinks are his completely,, I don't care I'll say it you don't get to ust forget about what you did just because your lil bitch wife who was also once a victim but now just brainwashed saying shit on how it was her own uncared for 14 year olds fault for being groomed and getting pregnant from some 20 year old an how it was not the adults fault and how it was all her,, no matter what, it wasn't your fault,, but I see and have heard enough to get an idea why she'd think like that,, I mean your Environment genuinely shapes you as a person,, and her environment just wasn't good, mine either it just different I couldn't leave the house she couldn't stay at the house, but that's no excuse for not sticking up and believing your own children when they come to confine in you for help,, and so I dont care if I hurt the feelings of some pedo groomer that's got ocd and schizophrenia and an insane victim complex, I don't give a fuck if it hurts there goofy fuckin feelings.
Okayy besides that
Strange thing about the landlord when we went and signed the papers yesterday we met him at his work, he's a pharmacist and the store was closing in five minutes but he let us just sit inside on some chairs and when we got up after a bit and walked over to him after he asked us some questions behind the pharmacy desk and we filled out some papers I and my partner noticed he had his fly down, and I think he noticed we noticed because then he just quickly apologized and zipped them up and sanitized his hands before ending are conversation after we signed the lease,, I'm just very skeptical of everyone and that was a little concerning but I keep telling myself they must have gone the bathroom thirty minutes before we got in here they must have kinda thing I mean we sat in there for half an hour.
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