TraumaEscapee:)
I hate my birth family
- Apr 30, 2023
- 193
I'm still here. I just haven't been on for a few days because I've been really busy and going through a lot. I actually have horrible nightmares now about the thing that worries me so much.
Someone who I keep in touch with of the site told me he thought that there may be a chance things change for me. And he was right. All I know is this Friday there will be a meeting about me and I won't find out the details until next week.
As much as I am desperate to CTB (I live with bpd and c-ptsd due to my trauma at the hands of my birth family and the care system which is quite painful to live with). What I want is to know for certain that I am or am not going to get the thing I've been wishing for and desiring and praying for for so long. I want the answer in black and white which will happen this month or at the latest by mid November atleast.
When I CTB I will not be able to come back. I'll be gone forever. I believe in the afterlife and I believe in the concept of life reviews in the afterlife. What I don't want is to CTB and have my life review and find out that actually had I stayed things were going to work out in my favour. There's someone I keep in touch with of the site and he's been amazing. Giving me hope and being so supportive. We both have bpd and I think that's why he's so understanding.
When I CTB you will all most certainly know because I will put up a post, I'll document my actions and you'll never hear from me again. However, at the moment I don't want to do something permanent when I don't have a permanent answer as to the situation I am in. Due to circumstances I will not be made to wait long for the answer.
Me having to wait to know what's happening is very agonising for me. It means my suffering is prolonged.. sometimes when I seem to change my mind on the form it's not because I am as such it's because the situation sometimes looks positive then it looks really negative, it's like a yo-yo because at the moment I'm in limbo I am waiting on someone to provide some answers. I will know what the situation is this month or by mid next month at the latest. I hope there is hope for me.
I would suggest people follow my account because when I do CTB (if the answer is negative) it will be on the day I find out that information. So I can't give anyone a CTB date because I will be in so much agony that it will happen on the day, with an 8 hour fast and then the regiment. With my bpd I won't be able to last another day in anguish if the answer is a "no". So I would keep your eyes peeled on my account for the next four weeks.
I still have everything thankfully and hidden too.
Someone who I keep in touch with of the site told me he thought that there may be a chance things change for me. And he was right. All I know is this Friday there will be a meeting about me and I won't find out the details until next week.
As much as I am desperate to CTB (I live with bpd and c-ptsd due to my trauma at the hands of my birth family and the care system which is quite painful to live with). What I want is to know for certain that I am or am not going to get the thing I've been wishing for and desiring and praying for for so long. I want the answer in black and white which will happen this month or at the latest by mid November atleast.
When I CTB I will not be able to come back. I'll be gone forever. I believe in the afterlife and I believe in the concept of life reviews in the afterlife. What I don't want is to CTB and have my life review and find out that actually had I stayed things were going to work out in my favour. There's someone I keep in touch with of the site and he's been amazing. Giving me hope and being so supportive. We both have bpd and I think that's why he's so understanding.
When I CTB you will all most certainly know because I will put up a post, I'll document my actions and you'll never hear from me again. However, at the moment I don't want to do something permanent when I don't have a permanent answer as to the situation I am in. Due to circumstances I will not be made to wait long for the answer.
Me having to wait to know what's happening is very agonising for me. It means my suffering is prolonged.. sometimes when I seem to change my mind on the form it's not because I am as such it's because the situation sometimes looks positive then it looks really negative, it's like a yo-yo because at the moment I'm in limbo I am waiting on someone to provide some answers. I will know what the situation is this month or by mid next month at the latest. I hope there is hope for me.
I would suggest people follow my account because when I do CTB (if the answer is negative) it will be on the day I find out that information. So I can't give anyone a CTB date because I will be in so much agony that it will happen on the day, with an 8 hour fast and then the regiment. With my bpd I won't be able to last another day in anguish if the answer is a "no". So I would keep your eyes peeled on my account for the next four weeks.
I still have everything thankfully and hidden too.
