Josef2000
Forsaken One
- Nov 5, 2019
- 147
It's been a while since I posted here after my previous attempt to ctb.
I'm just venting here because I have nobody else, you can delete if not allowed.
I feel really trapped between life & death. Not being able to die & not wanting to live so I'm just stuck in purgatory as I like to call it.
My mood and thoughts have not changed in the slightest, I feel that I've more reasons to ctb now.
I don't know why God is punishing me. Why do I deserve this torment?
I've been raped 40 times, bullied, ugly, struggled with sexuality & gender, diagnosed with BPD & Depression, no friends, stuck in a dead-end job with no qualifications. Multiple attempts to do something about this led to me being an inpatient. I've got no love life, my pet dog is missing & nobody will talk to me. The only escape I get now is from sleeping as I can't drink alcohol anymore.
I get a monthly check-in from my mental health worker although it's just prolonging the inevitable.
I can feel another suicide attempt coming up real soon.
I'm just venting here because I have nobody else, you can delete if not allowed.
I feel really trapped between life & death. Not being able to die & not wanting to live so I'm just stuck in purgatory as I like to call it.
My mood and thoughts have not changed in the slightest, I feel that I've more reasons to ctb now.
I don't know why God is punishing me. Why do I deserve this torment?
I've been raped 40 times, bullied, ugly, struggled with sexuality & gender, diagnosed with BPD & Depression, no friends, stuck in a dead-end job with no qualifications. Multiple attempts to do something about this led to me being an inpatient. I've got no love life, my pet dog is missing & nobody will talk to me. The only escape I get now is from sleeping as I can't drink alcohol anymore.
I get a monthly check-in from my mental health worker although it's just prolonging the inevitable.
I can feel another suicide attempt coming up real soon.