Hi guys, it's me again. Went missing for over a month or so, time in which some of you thought I ctb.
Pretty much, now I'm stuck in a situation where someone's life depends on mine. Which, even though it sounds nice for my ego (like wow someone actually does like me and cares and they need me...yk what I'm talkin about), it does not help and actually panicks me. I care about this person a lot and they weren't as lucky as I was..with all the fun I had in the past and everything. I still want them to...try new things and...live their life.
My SO went full psychotic (debt, quit his job, was full of guilt) and now's locked in a ward. For a long ass time. Almost got me in shit too (we used to smoke lots of pot which is illegal here). He's gonna be under supervision for like a year. I don't know whether to wait or...leave for the best.
Went traveling for a week, was more high/drunk all the time. Apparently even though it hurts like a motherfcker, it's better in a different town than where I am now. Still doesn't mean i wasn't constantly thinking of a partial hanging or anything. Now that I'm back home... I got my SN. All's safe in case shit get crazy and I even get my ass hunted by the cops. I still wanna do it every day. Idk what exactly I'm waiting for. Maybe it's because I'm too scared that someone else is gonna do it too after.
For those who don't know the story, tl;dr: only person that made my life better left my ass, irony is he doesn't know if he ever loved me in the first place, now i wanna ctb (after some other failed attempts in the past and a childhood full of traumas).
Pretty much, now I'm stuck in a situation where someone's life depends on mine. Which, even though it sounds nice for my ego (like wow someone actually does like me and cares and they need me...yk what I'm talkin about), it does not help and actually panicks me. I care about this person a lot and they weren't as lucky as I was..with all the fun I had in the past and everything. I still want them to...try new things and...live their life.
My SO went full psychotic (debt, quit his job, was full of guilt) and now's locked in a ward. For a long ass time. Almost got me in shit too (we used to smoke lots of pot which is illegal here). He's gonna be under supervision for like a year. I don't know whether to wait or...leave for the best.
Went traveling for a week, was more high/drunk all the time. Apparently even though it hurts like a motherfcker, it's better in a different town than where I am now. Still doesn't mean i wasn't constantly thinking of a partial hanging or anything. Now that I'm back home... I got my SN. All's safe in case shit get crazy and I even get my ass hunted by the cops. I still wanna do it every day. Idk what exactly I'm waiting for. Maybe it's because I'm too scared that someone else is gonna do it too after.
For those who don't know the story, tl;dr: only person that made my life better left my ass, irony is he doesn't know if he ever loved me in the first place, now i wanna ctb (after some other failed attempts in the past and a childhood full of traumas).
