Staying alive for a parent

[nirvana133]

For the past 10 years i have been staying alive for a parent, because the guilt is too much. How long can i really go on like this though? at 26 i feel like i have seen my share of suffering, and its getting ridiculous. How long can i go on like this before i just snap? Im doing somewhat okay now, but there is no way in hell im doing another 10 years on this planet. What a messed up situation to be in, i hate this shit.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm in the exact same situation. Literally the only reason I have hesitation to ctb is because of my mother. I think if she was not around I would have no SI. I'm just getting to the point where I can't take any more. I'm in my late 20s and things are just getting worse.

 

[Fragile]

i'm doing the same thing and it sucks, i feel trapped in this life only because the suffering i will cause on my mother if i die.

but there is no other way, i wont endure this existence for much longer and at the end of the day, we all die one day and there is no wining in this situation, tragedies occur every day and this one will be forgotten eventually, and i can't continue to live a pointless and unfair life for the sake of others.

i love my family way too much but i also hate my life way more, fuck this situation, at least it will be over once i'm dead.

 

[Enshadowed]

This hit home for me, but for a slightly different reason.

My mom would be ok without me. She had her own health problems a while back. A very aggressive brain tumor. Had to go through 4 brain surgeries over three years. Pretty much constant migraines over that time. Somehow she struggled through and is in remission now.

I didn't fully understand how much pain that would be until my health took a turn 6 months ago. Now I get it. I have no idea how she powered through all of that. Makes me want to hold on a bit longer to do some more things with her, but I don't think it is something I can bear the way that she did.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm also staying alive for my parents since my parents already lost a kid at 2 years old before me and that destroyed them

 

[Lotus]

I feel for you. I have done the same for a long time, but I know in my heart that my mother will be OK. I'm actually more worried about my sister. I don't know how long it will take for her to get through it. Fortunately, she's got a very understanding and supportive boyfriend, so I think that will work out too. I just remember that my mother told me that my sister was laying in the bathroom in a fetal position and just crying after she found out that my father had been sexually abusing me. I think she feels like she has to take care of me, and it's kind of what she did in our childhood as well.

Enough of my story telling. I think that you have been so brave and thoughtful to struggle so much for a decade because of your love for someone. You have given your parent so much extra time with you, and so many memories. It's only fair that you now can stop and think about your own needs and wishes. I'm glad that you're in a place where you're feeling better, so now is maybe not the time to let go anyway. But you should allow yourself to choose what you want to do with your life. It's your life after all. It's not your parent's. However, I'm terribly aware of the feeling of guilt that is eating you up inside. I don't know how to handle it either...

 

[Moonicide]

My father is my abuser, and my mother would ultimately understand why I chose to ctb so I'm at peace with my decision. But I think it's so brave and courageous for all of you to continue living for your parents and loved ones. It is not easy and it's one of the most selfless things you can do. My heart goes out to you all.

 

[nirvana133]

Thank you all for the responses, i really appreciate it. it's nice to know that im not alone, and i wish the best for you guys

 

[mediocre]

I have mostly stayed alive all these years for my mum and my grandmother before she died. My mum would be perfectly fine without me but I depend on her for a lot. I just don't want to be a burden anymore.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

For the past 10 years i have been staying alive for a parent, because the guilt is too much. How long can i really go on like this though? at 26 i feel like i have seen my share of suffering, and its getting ridiculous. How long can i go on like this before i just snap? Im doing somewhat okay now, but there is no way in hell im doing another 10 years on this planet. What a messed up situation to be in, i hate this shit.

My parents are a big concern. They are religious, I don't want to break their hearts but I hate it here so much. I did try last year but failed. (Got sick on meto)
I've wanted to die since I was a teen. The last decade has been hell and the last 2 years even worse than hell... if that is possible.
I understand your situation … I wish I had some good advice but I offer you my sympathy. It sucks.

 

[Sensei]

I have mostly stayed alive all these years for my mum and my grandmother before she died. My mum would be perfectly fine without me but I depend on her for a lot. I just don't want to be a burden anymore.

I have no children myself, but I'm quite sure that unless your mother is an out-and-out psychopath, she doesn't see you as a burden. You're her child, she has given birth to you, nurtured you, and loves you. I don't know why you want to leave the world behind, but don't let this be a reason.