Starting university again

[ummwhaaat]

About 1½ year ago I tried to kill myself, but ultimately failed.
Somehow I still ended up finishing my degree in university a year ago although it was probably the worst 6 months of my life.

With my degree I should easily have been able to get a job, but due to being severely depressed I could not get myself to start even applying for jobs, so for the past year I have just done nothing except sit at home most of the time, playing games, watching tv, staring into the abyss, sleeping.

After I finished uni I basically stopped talking to the few friends I had at uni, so for the past 10 months or so I basically only talked to my family. Basically I have a one year gap in my resume which I am going to have to explain if I ever go to a job interview, which I don't know how to explain.
For some reason I can not get myself to talk about my issues with anyone, so my family does not know I tried to kill myself, or that I've been wishing I had succeeded for the past 1½ years.

Due to me not being filthy rich I cant keep doing nothing for the rest of my life, so I am starting back in uni next week, getting a masters thesis.
I have my doubts I'll ever finish this degree. I moved to a new city, where I have no friends. I don't know what to tell people when they start asking me about myself. I've always hated talking about myself, but I'll hate it even more now.

 

[Lawliet]

About 1½ year ago I tried to kill myself, but ultimately failed.
Somehow I still ended up finishing my degree in university a year ago although it was probably the worst 6 months of my life.

With my degree I should easily have been able to get a job, but due to being severely depressed I could not get myself to start even applying for jobs, so for the past year I have just done nothing except sit at home most of the time, playing games, watching tv, staring into the abyss, sleeping.

After I finished uni I basically stopped talking to the few friends I had at uni, so for the past 10 months or so I basically only talked to my family. Basically I have a one year gap in my resume which I am going to have to explain if I ever go to a job interview, which I don't know how to explain.
For some reason I can not get myself to talk about my issues with anyone, so my family does not know I tried to kill myself, or that I've been wishing I had succeeded for the past 1½ years.

Due to me not being filthy rich I cant keep doing nothing for the rest of my life, so I am starting back in uni next week, getting a masters thesis.
I have my doubts I'll ever finish this degree. I moved to a new city, where I have no friends. I don't know what to tell people when they start asking me about myself. I've always hated talking about myself, but I'll hate it even more now.

university is so challenging, i'm commend your choice to return to it. for your gap year, the only thing you need to say is that you were sick. anyone prying just say that it's personal.

when you talk to new people, bring up the tv series and video games you like. be sure to ask others what their interests are as well.
you've got this.

 

[worst.therapist]

at the end of 2021 i got my degree and quit my job, so after that i've been unnenployed

people expect we are machines and keep producing every time more...

alot of people asked me what i was doing after finishing graduation... since "trying to not kill myself" didnt seem a answer people would like to receive... i would simply tell that i needed some time to invest on me

my family still doesnt get why i'm not trying to work my future out

"well, mom and dad, i need to be alive to do that"

sadly, videogames and TV doesnt help us alot :C

in fact, after i quit playing games (i was really addicted for so many years), it helped me so much.. less intrusive thoughts and anxiety

i would say, bit by bit, add little important things to your life that you'd like and feel that would improve it

good luck getting back to uni

 

[ummwhaaat]

university is so challenging, i'm commend your choice to return to it. for your gap year, the only thing you need to say is that you were sick. anyone prying just say that it's personal.

when you talk to new people, bring up the tv series and video games you like. be sure to ask others what their interests are as well.
you've got this.

Thank you. I think that's what I was planning more or less, most of my life I've been used to lying about what I do in my free time/weekends etc. because most of that time is just me being depressed, but I guess it is just more stressful now that it's that much more difficult to hide.

at the end of 2021 i got my degree and quit my job, so after that i've been unnenployed

people expect we are machines and keep producing every time more...

alot of people asked me what i was doing after finishing graduation... since "trying to not kill myself" didnt seem a answer people would like to receive... i would simply tell that i needed some time to invest on me

my family still doesnt get why i'm not trying to work my future out

"well, mom and dad, i need to be alive to do that"

sadly, videogames and TV doesnt help us alot :C

in fact, after i quit playing games (i was really addicted for so many years), it helped me so much.. less intrusive thoughts and anxiety

i would say, bit by bit, add little important things to your life that you'd like and feel that would improve it

good luck getting back to uni

I relate to what you are saying. I have a lot of social anxiety. Whenever I had the energy to socialize it has only been online, I met a few girls that way although I haven't really been looking for anything actively. I met a girl about 3 months ago, who I like although she said she was lesbian I liked her so I kept talking to her as a friend, and last month she expressed she wants to be with me. Somehow this has happened to me with 4 different girls now despite not really looking for a relationship. Although I am not from from the same country as this girl, and she is kind of young so I am scared she'll most likely lose interest in a few months. Honestly I've been having a hard time feeling anything for her at all. After my suicide attempt I feel like I'm kind of just a shell of my former self.
I guess the thing that's keeping me alive is knowing that I always can order some drugs online and be gone relatively quickly. I haven't been in any hurry to die because I have not had any obligations the past year, but they might be closing in on me. Only time will tell what becomes of me.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I am starting university myself (for the first time). What did you get a degree in if you don't mind me asking?

 

[ummwhaaat]

I am starting university myself (for the first time). What did you get a degree in if you don't mind me asking?

Electronics engineering

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Electronics engineering

That's nice! How passionate are you about that field? I am going in for computer science and engineering but I'm not sure how many more codemonkeys the world needs

 

[whatevs]

1 year gap is a breeze, you can easily cover your tracks with a made up sabbatical trip to Cambodia.

That's nice! How passionate are you about that field? I am going in for computer science and engineering but I'm not sure how many more codemonkeys the world needs

Probably still a lot.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Good luck! Your best will always be more than enough ^_^

Hopefully this will give you an extra boost of motivation to recover

 

[ummwhaaat]

That's nice! How passionate are you about that field? I am going in for computer science and engineering but I'm not sure how many more codemonkeys the world needs

It can be fun, although I did lose most of my passion for anything at all. If you do end up with a degree in this field you probably won't have too hard of a time finding a job. I've had people contact me on Linkedin about positions without ever looking for anything, and my profile being fairly basic.

1 year gap is a breeze, you can easily cover your tracks with a made up sabbatical trip to Cambodia.

Probably still a lot.

I had considered that, although I don't know if I'd be comfortable lying about a trip like that since I'd probably be paranoid I slip up and people "find out", even though I know the odds of that would be low.

Good luck! Your best will always be more than enough ^_^

Hopefully this will give you an extra boost of motivation to recover

Thank you!

 

[Bitterman1996]

About 1½ year ago I tried to kill myself, but ultimately failed.
Somehow I still ended up finishing my degree in university a year ago although it was probably the worst 6 months of my life.

With my degree I should easily have been able to get a job, but due to being severely depressed I could not get myself to start even applying for jobs, so for the past year I have just done nothing except sit at home most of the time, playing games, watching tv, staring into the abyss, sleeping.

After I finished uni I basically stopped talking to the few friends I had at uni, so for the past 10 months or so I basically only talked to my family. Basically I have a one year gap in my resume which I am going to have to explain if I ever go to a job interview, which I don't know how to explain.
For some reason I can not get myself to talk about my issues with anyone, so my family does not know I tried to kill myself, or that I've been wishing I had succeeded for the past 1½ years.

Due to me not being filthy rich I cant keep doing nothing for the rest of my life, so I am starting back in uni next week, getting a masters thesis.
I have my doubts I'll ever finish this degree. I moved to a new city, where I have no friends. I don't know what to tell people when they start asking me about myself. I've always hated talking about myself, but I'll hate it even more now.

At least you finished your bachelors degree so that's something dude. I wanted to retry uni again to get a degree, but idk what i want to do... Or else it might fail again.

I know this post is a bit old by now but i hope youre doing well