Discussion SS and Empathy.

[Brick In The Wall]

Please let us not forget that behind each username is a flesh and blood person. I feel like this place can be desensitizing to many. Myself included in that as well. You have to be a bit desensitized to be in our position yes, but let's try not to lose our humanity entirely.

Please be thoughtful with comments in someones goodbye thread. You may be posting the last thing that person ever reads so keep that in mind. Try to direct any questions about a given method to the appropriate thread unless the member is specifically sharing this information.

There's been alot of Goodbye threads lately and I'd like to extend my inbox to ANYONE who'd like to talk. Let's pull together as a community and try to help eachother out in ALL the ways that we can.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well said. So many people leaving. So many survivors hurting. It's right that we remember the gravity of what we are facing.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Well said. So many people leaving. So many survivors hurting. It's right that we remember the gravity of what we are facing.

Yes, thank you for the support! You're one of the few members I still have left and highly respect.

This shit isn't a joke and shouldn't be taken lightly. The gravity of this place and the situations we face are very serious.

We only get one chance at this fucked up life. Yes it's fucked up for alot of us but we should always atleast try.

 

[charlottewilts]

i agree. it saddens me to see a goodbye thread "desecrated" by questions, especially so when the poster of the thread is still online! there are already innumerable threads dealing with the minutiae of methods, and the OP would likely have had shared all they were comfortable with already.

we shouldn't lose our humanity just because it's virtual interaction... goodbye threads, for what my opinion is worth, should be treated solely as places to console and pay tribute to the poster, both during and after CTB.

 

[enjoy]

i 100% agree with this. my inbox is also always open for anyone who needs someone to talk to for whatever reason. it's a cruel world out there, y'all. let's be there for each other. after all, we all clearly have something in common!

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Yes, thank you for the support! You're one of the few members I still have left and highly respect.

This shit isn't a joke and shouldn't be taken lightly. The gravity of this place and the situations we face are very serious.

We only get one chance at this fucked up life. Yes it's fucked up for alot of us but we should always atleast try.

Strongly agree!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

i agree. it saddens me to see a goodbye thread "desecrated" by questions, especially so when the poster of the thread is still online! there are already innumerable threads dealing with the minutiae of methods, and the OP would likely have had shared all they were comfortable with already.

we shouldn't lose our humanity just because it's virtual interaction... goodbye threads, for what my opinion is worth, should be treated solely as places to console and pay tribute to the poster, both during and after CTB.

You grasp my sentiments in its full entirety on the matter. Thank you for your understanding!

i 100% agree with this. my inbox is also always open for anyone who needs someone to talk to for whatever reason. it's a cruel world out there, y'all. let's be there for each other. after all, we all clearly have something in common!

Thank you for the support and extending your inbox to those in need!

Strongly agree!

Much love as always!

I'm glad this is getting the positive feedback and attention it deserves!

 

[Jean4]

 

[Carina]

Yeah, goodbye threads to me are definitely just a support/be there for the person and nothing else. Just as said, it's the last time the people will read things, just let it be positive things so they can have some peace of mind and be comfortable.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Mother Goose approves, can't leave any love out there!

Yeah, goodbye threads to me are definitely just a support/be there for the person and nothing else. Just as said, it's the last time the people will read things, just let it be positive things so they can have some peace of mind and be comfortable.

Thank you Carina for validating this well held and sacred belief!

 

[Broken Chimera]

You're right. Whenever someone's saying their goodbyes the thread should be about them. Thank you for saying this.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yes, thank you for the support! You're one of the few members I still have left and highly respect.

This shit isn't a joke and shouldn't be taken lightly. The gravity of this place and the situations we face are very serious.

We only get one chance at this fucked up life. Yes it's fucked up for alot of us but we should always atleast try.

We gotta stick together. This is the darkest road you can follow. But even the lost can find something good in the shadows. What we learn along the way may not be worth the price of suffering, but we still learn and I believe that has a profound value. That is something we share.
Haha I just liked every reply on here. I've never done that before.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

A bump for a reminder, compassion, and some love!

 

[k75]

This is an important message. I think it gets forgotten far too often. Thank you for posting.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

This is an important message. I think it gets forgotten far too often. Thank you for posting.

Thank you K75 much love to you! I feel like this message needs to be bumped from time to time.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I love all the sentiments on the OP and would like to see this post on the suicide discussions.

I want to add that a variety of side discussions sometimes come up within goodbye threads. I think it's important to keep the focus on the OP and perhaps create a new thread to discuss questions or opinions that come up.


Respectfully, I often see comments that try to deter the OP. Sometimes the OP has said something in the post which indicates hesitance. But sometimes they've made it clear they have made a firm decision, and it's not being respected -- my (emphasis on the my) reaction is that their autonomy (separateness from others) and their right to self-determination are being ignored and run over. In those cases it feels like the post is about the one posting, not the OP, and I respond with discomfort and hold back a desire to defend. I try to remember that interaction is not about me, but between the OP and the one responding, and to keep it cool to keep the focus on the goodbye.

Thanks @Brick In The Wall for creating this thread. It gave me the opportunity to let out something that is bothering me, in a safe space, and when I'm not feeling reactive. I don't expect things to change because I want them to, and I acknowledge my reaction may not be an accurate reflection of reality, only of my perceptions, which may be inaccurate. We all bring our own individual perspectives formed by our individual experiences. We're all fallible and struggling, and many are triggered. I certainly am all of the above.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I love all the sentiments on the OP and would like to see this post on the suicide discussions.

I want to add that a variety of side discussions sometimes come up within goodbye threads. I think it's important to keep the focus on the OP and perhaps create a new thread to discuss questions or opinions that come up.


Respectfully, I often see comments that try to deter the OP. Sometimes the OP has said something in the post which indicates hesitance. But sometimes they've made it clear they have made a firm decision, and it's not being respected -- my (emphasis on the my) reaction is that their autonomy (separateness from others) and their right to self-determination are being ignored and run over. In those cases it feels like the post is about the one posting, not the OP, and I respond with discomfort and hold back a desire to defend. I try to remember that interaction is not about me, but between the OP and the one responding, and to keep it cool to keep the focus on the goodbye.

Thanks @Brick In The Wall for creating this thread. It gave me the opportunity to let out something that is bothering me in a safe space, and when I'm not feeling reactive. I don't expect things to change because I want them to, and I acknowledge my reaction may not be an accurate reflection of reality, only of my perceptions, which may be inaccurate. We all bring our own individual perspectives formed by our individual experiences. We're all fallible and struggling, and many are triggered. I certainly am all of the above.

Your message is well received and intellectually valid. I'm happy I gave you a medium to respond on how you felt in this situation.

It's a very delicate situation when it comes to someones goodbye. We should try to read between the lines. We should again try to respect the OPs best wishes. Trust your gut and if it feels wrong to ask then it probably is. Just pay your respects and best wishes instead.

 

[TAW122]

Excellent thread @Brick In The Wall and this is especially true for those who are truly going to be permanently gone from this existence, this world. It is also in good taste to give them a small bit of compassion even if it is only kind words for their last moments of existence here. That is the least we can do for our fellow members on this platform, to give support and respect their decision to the very end.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I love all the sentiments on the OP and would like to see this post on the suicide discussions.

I want to add that a variety of side discussions sometimes come up within goodbye threads. I think it's important to keep the focus on the OP and perhaps create a new thread to discuss questions or opinions that come up.


Respectfully, I often see comments that try to deter the OP. Sometimes the OP has said something in the post which indicates hesitance. But sometimes they've made it clear they have made a firm decision, and it's not being respected -- my (emphasis on the my) reaction is that their autonomy (separateness from others) and their right to self-determination are being ignored and run over. In those cases it feels like the post is about the one posting, not the OP, and I respond with discomfort and hold back a desire to defend. I try to remember that interaction is not about me, but between the OP and the one responding, and to keep it cool to keep the focus on the goodbye.

Thanks @Brick In The Wall for creating this thread. It gave me the opportunity to let out something that is bothering me, in a safe space, and when I'm not feeling reactive. I don't expect things to change because I want them to, and I acknowledge my reaction may not be an accurate reflection of reality, only of my perceptions, which may be inaccurate. We all bring our own individual perspectives formed by our individual experiences. We're all fallible and struggling, and many are triggered. I certainly am all of the above.

Those are some well made points that make me think. I am often conflicted in that I want to respect people's choice but have an urge to want them to reconsider, especially if they are hesitant, impulsive or young. I want them to feel supported but don't want to sugarcoat the seriousness of what they are doing. But that's just me, conflicted. I'm starting to think that feeling conflicted is a normal and natural response to such a situation.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I am often conflicted in that I want to respect people's choice but have an urge to want them to reconsider, especially if they are hesitant, impulsive or young....

I'm starting to think that feeling conflicted is a normal and natural response to such a situation.

To the last sentence I respond, Agreed!

To the first, and thank you for making me think now, I respond this way:

Hesitant or impulsive, I get it. I sometimes read it as an invitation to address it, and I never have a defensive reaction to any post that does.

Seeing them as young, however, can perhaps instigate not seeing them as autonomous or able to self-determine, which is a problem many controlling parents, relatives and teachers have. So I try to take their statements as-is and respect their choice. They make it clear when their mind is made up and aren't asking for a last-minute argument to persuade them to change their minds.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is not easy stuff and I empathize.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Excellent thread @Brick In The Wall and this is especially true for those who are truly going to be permanently gone from this existence, this world. It is also in good taste to give them a small bit of compassion even if it is only kind words for their last moments of existence here. That is the least we can do for our fellow members on this platform, to give support and respect their decision to the very end.

Thank you for the support first off. We should show all members here compassion, especially in their potential last moments.

Those are some well made points that make me think. I am often conflicted in that I want to respect people's choice but have an urge to want them to reconsider, especially if they are hesitant, impulsive or young. Thank you for your support. It's of course in good taste to do so. But it's again it's much more then that as I'm sure you understand.

I consider these exact same points. But it's not our place to consider these things given certain circumstances. We can discuss these opinions outside anytime. Thank you for the understanding and support!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

To the last sentence I respond, Agreed!

To the first, and thank you for making me think now, I respond this way:

Hesitant or impulsive, I get it. I sometimes read it as an invitation to address it, and I never have a defensive reaction to any post that does.

Seeing them as young, however, can perhaps instigate not seeing them as autonomous or able to self-determine, which is a problem many controlling parents, relatives and teachers have. So I try to take their statements as-is and respect their choice. They make it clear when their mind is made up and aren't asking for a last-minute argument to persuade them to change their minds.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is not easy stuff and I empathize.

Yeah I can see that, just cus someone is young don't mean they don't know their own mind, anymore than someone older, does. I actually thought that just as I hit post.
I still really feel for younger folks though just because they may possibly have more opportunities for things to change.

Thank you for the support first off. We should show all members here compassion, especially in their potential last moments.



I consider these exact same points. But it's not our place to consider these things given certain circumstances. We can discuss these opinions outside anytime. Thank you for the understanding and support!

I'm glad we discuss things like this. It's not the easiest of things and I respect that people are honest about how they feel.
I always want my thoughts and views to be challenged. I NEVER want to be certain that I'm right. I think feeling conflicted must come hand in hand with that.
Or I'm just weird.

Please let us not forget that behind each username is a flesh and blood person. I feel like this place can be desensitizing to many. Myself included in that as well. You have to be a bit desensitized to be in our position yes, but let's try not to lose our humanity entirely.

Please be thoughtful with comments in someones goodbye thread. You may be posting the last thing that person ever reads so keep that in mind. Try to direct any questions about a given method to the appropriate thread unless the member is specifically sharing this information.

There's been alot of Goodbye threads lately and I'd like to extend my inbox to ANYONE who'd like to talk. Let's pull together as a community and try to help eachother out in ALL the ways that we can.

And thanks for posting this Brick

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I still really feel for younger folks though just because they may possibly have more opportunities for things to change.

That's the rub, our perspective (I'm 48) vs the validity of their experience. The latter has to win when it's about them, and space for the former when it's about us.

I try when commenting on other types of threads to younger folk to both validate them and share my perspective of what can occur between their age and mine, to give them more options then they can perhaps see from where they are.

All of it is challenging. When people interact with others, we can only respond as ourselves. It *is* to some degree about us if we're participating or observing.

Successful communication takes a lot of self- and other-awareness. It's forgivable to unintentionally step a bit on another's space when acting out of care or concern. It's when one keeps going after a "no thank you" that it really becomes an issue of not respecting the other's boundaries and autonomy.

Again, really glad we're having this discussion. It's helping me to work things out and I'm feeling calmer.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Mmm... I have to admit...my life is (literally and figuratively ) in the toilet. I make no valuable contribution to anything anymore.
Trying to offer support on here gives me some small feelings of worth, that at least I'm still trying.
That kind of makes it partly about me. I think that's something I need to be aware of and remember the focus needs to be on the person in crisis, not my attitude.
I've been panicked on here myself before and I expect I will again.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Mmm... I have to admit...my life is (literally and figuratively ) in the toilet. I make no valuable contribution to anything anymore.
Trying to offer support on here gives me some small feelings of worth, that at least I'm still trying.
That kind of makes it partly about me. I think that's something I need to be aware of and remember the focus needs to be on the person in crisis, not my attitude.

Can only hit the love react once. LOVE THIS.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I need @Circles @porfin1234 @aloneintheworld @maybeimalreadydead @not-2-b-the-answer to respond here with some opinions.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I always include a line offering the OP a chance to back out if they want it, but I try hard not to influence his or her choice.

It is okay to change your mind, and I want them to know it's okay if that happens. I would never want someone to think that they must persist just because they have told us it is time.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

Just a reminder to everyone to be careful with the way you word your goodbye posts to people. You never know how it could be construed to someone else, on this forum or otherwise. ❤ Also a bump? Bump!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Mmm... I have to admit...my life is (literally and figuratively ) in the toilet.

Literally?

Are you...a piece of shit?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Hi guys …. I don't know if I have much to say that hasn't been said but I will offer my thoughts. (Hopefully they will make sense)

I try to just wish someone the best and hope they find peace. I've also stopped making comments like "I hope to see you soon, when I find the courage" because I don't want to make the thread about me. (I hope I can remember this … sometimes it's hard not to do).
In the past I may have asked questions about methods... I can't remember.
Someone else mentioned not asking questions of the poster in their goodbye thread. (I have seen some that are willing to answer questions as long as they can)
I have seen some posters mention their method and if they ask for help, I think it's fine for others to offer their opinions.

I hate to see someone young attempting to CTB but I understand. I won't judge. I can say that I wish I had done it as a teen and saved myself years of misery.

One other thing that I think that we shouldn't speculate on is the location of members who may have CTB. This was probably brought up before but when a couple members CTB before Christmas there was speculation on here where exactly they CTB. I don't think we should help Law Enforcement do their job. Also it may bring more unwanted attention to S.S. (I don't know)

This is all I can think of at the moment.

Literally?

Are you...a piece of shit?

I Am !!!!