Venting Spiral?

[lonergirl_26]

I feel like spiralling downwards. I want to be out of my mind and be free. Except I'm to anxious to do anything. I can't even leave my house. I want to starve in my bed but I can't because I'm worried about what my mum will think. I want/need a "bad influence" friend who will pretty much force me into doing things. I keep convincing myself if I have a friend and actual connection with someone then I'll get better. I know I'm delusional but I really need a connection with someone and a bad influence. I need to get so bad that people have to do something to help. I need to spiral.